If you’ve studied home decorating or fashion design, “matchey-matchey” is a no-no. Designers tell us it’s boring and not attractive. But, add a pop of color and add a twist of texture, and the experts say it is beautiful. The surprise or eye-catching detail creates interest and pleasure. So it is with writing. Have a character act out-of-character; add layers of details where only one turns out to be the clue that lends intrigue to the story. The more unique your characters, setting, and story line is the more we enjoy reading it.

So, when is matchey-matchey beautiful? When your polished story is ready for send-off. Who do you invite to read your work? Now is the time for you to turn into a sleuth and seek out the people who would enjoy and love your work. Agents and publishers are really good at advertising what genres they like to read and publish (and those they don’t).

Put yourself in their place. If you like to read cookbooks and a writer sends you a mystery novel, how would you feel? And, what would you do with the novel? Multiply that and you see why you would feel more interested and intrigued by receiving a new cookbook with a twist if you were the editor. Now, we’re cooking, pardon the pun.

Have you noticed how many types of cookbooks are published? Vegan, fish, dessert, casseroles, low-carb, etc. Remember, matchey-matchey. If you are the editor and you are looking for congealed salad recipes, you’re not going to be interested in any cookbook sent to you. No matter how good the venison roast recipe looks, it’s not what you’re looking for and you feel more frustrated when people send you something other than congealed salad recipes.

Knowing genre is important but you have to go further. For example, Mystery is a genre, but do we mean espionage mystery, a classic whodunit, a technothriller or a mystery written for juveniles?

Then, is it a magazine with a certain word count required or a novel? Are their deadline dates? The submission guidelines spell out how to submit, what to submit, and when to submit. Follow them. In this case, matchey-matchey equals success, which is beautiful, wouldn’t you agree!

For more Mystery genre categories, subscribe to The Muse’s Kiss Ezine to read the Tips and Resources section.

Writing is a solitary act that has the potential to involve millions of people. We know that. But, something else happens around holidays. The holiday season is not a one-size-fits-all experience of joy, happiness and love. For many people, especially writers, it is a time of loneliness, stress, dread and depression. There’s the heartache of missing loved ones who are far away or the first anniversary after losing someone dear. There’s the pull to join the party and the pull to write the last chapter.

It’s common for people to feel lonely, even if they’re in a room full of people, at any time of the year. Holidays can be a time of additional stress. We want to eat, we don’t want to eat; we want to sleep, we don’t want to sleep. We want to write; we don’t want to write. It’s a tough time for body and mind.

So, what can you do? There are many choices. You can sit and stew over your predicament. You can try to ignore your feelings or numb them with food and drink. You could turn to friends who offer refuge and encourage you to keep doing the things you’ve always done. But, I hope you will seek out someone to help you weather the storm, endure the experience of loneliness and learn what loneliness really is: a human experience. Take a seat and study this feeling, hold it as a treasure. Write about this emotion and how your body experiences it and all the variations it brings to your day. For it is by working through difficult emotions and times that our ability to feel compassion deepens and you will know when to say “I understand,” to another and describe them authentically in your writing.

While these tips are on the lighter side, they do help coping with the stress of the holidays:

• Take time to do something that will count as “taking care of yourself.”
• Contemplate how many people, beside yourself, are feeling lonely, too.
• Let go of expectations of others. They will always let you down. They are not you and they won’t say the things you think they should say or be the way you want them to be.
• Let go of expectations of yourself, too.
• Take advantage of the opportunities to exchange friendly greetings with people you see and think of someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and give them a call.
• Cultivate gratitude. Focus on what you have or have the potential to have.
• Give to others.

Don’t you just love quotes? The ones that inspire you, make you laugh or give a pause to think? I’ve compiled a short list for you here. If there are days when the writing page is blank, choose one of these to copy to the top of your page. Respond to it. There, you’re off and writing!

At the end of the list, please add your favorite quotes in the comment section. Here they are: 

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is…the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
—Mark Twain

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”
—Ernest Hemingway

“The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.”
—Samuel Johnson

“Writers live twice.”
—Natalie Goldberg

“When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people, not characters. A character is a caricature.”
—Ernest Hemingway

“A book is simply the container of an idea—like a bottle; what is inside the book is what matters.”
—Angela Carter

“Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now.”
—Annie Dillard

“When I say work I only mean writing. Everything else is just odd jobs.”
—Margaret Laurence

“If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.”
—Elmore Leonard

“You do not have to explain every single drop of water contained in a rain barrel. You have to explain one drop—H₂O. The reader will get it.”
—George Singleton

“Anyone who is going to be a writer knows enough at 15 to write several novels.”
—May Sarton

“I think all writing is a disease. You can’t stop it.”
—William Carlos Williams

“The most beautiful things are those that madness prompts and reason writes.”
—Andre Gide

“It’s none of their business that you have to learn to write. Let them think you were born that way.”
—Ernest Hemingway

“Writers are always selling somebody out.”
—Joan Didion

“Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.”
—Robert A. Heinlein

“Keep a small can of WD-40 on your desk—away from any open flames—to remind yourself that if you don’t write daily, you will get rusty.”
—George Singleton

“There is only one plot—things are not what they seem.”
—Jim Thompson

“Anyone who is going to be a writer knows enough at 15 to write several novels.”
—May Sarton

“I think all writing is a disease. You can’t stop it.”
—William Carlos Williams

“Long patience and application saturated with your heart’s blood—you will either write or you will not—and the only way to find out whether you will or not is to try.”
—Jim Tully, October 1923

We’ve all heard about, and perhaps experienced, the critic’s voice humming in the background as we try to write. Some people just give up. They begin to believe the thoughts they have about themselves. In some circles these are called limiting beliefs. We all have them, don’t we?

• “I can’t afford that.”
• “I dont know enough to…”
• “What will people think about me?” 

Imagine what it would be like if no one was watching and the critical voices weren’t yapping away with their litany of limiting beliefs? Can you imagine how good it would feel to write without feeling any pressure to please anyone?

You know, maybe there was a reason the ancient scribes holed up in caves and monasteries writing or copying books. No one was watching. I don’t want you to think you have to travel to sacred lands to write a novel, after all; plenty of people have found other places to hole up and write, such as in a coffee shop. I’d like to challenge you to doing things differently and get of your comfort zone (or uncomfortable zone, if this is the case).

Challenge number one: Commit to taking one step at a time to separate writing/work and personal time. Take your to-do list and schedule blocks of time for specific tasks. For example, choose a day to dedicate two three-hour blocks of time to content creation and another block for editing. Another day can be dedicated to email and spending family time.

It is likely you will find it hard to find the “off button” and stop thinking about things that didn’t get done or need to get completed tomorrow. Here is one solution that will help and you’ll feel less stressed. There are many books about mindfulness that basically instruct us to be present on a daily basis in all situations. If you’re writing, really write and enjoy the process. If you’re eating, really taste your food, if you’re washing dishes; enjoy the sudsy water and clink/clank of the dishes. In other words, when you are writing and imagining what people will think when they read your book, you are not with the writing. You are imagining. Come back to what you are doing.

Mind challenge number two: Grab a blank piece of paper and a pen (or a new screen on your computer). You’re going to give yourself permission to do a brain dump. This is good to do at the end of any activity that gives you a lot of good ideas, like exercising or driving in the car. And, it’s a task that you should do before an activity when you need a clear mind. Try this: About five minutes before you need to do something else, stop and get your paper (or computer screen) and write down everything going through your mind. Fast, no editing. In five minutes, you’re finished.

You can also create a ritual that signals transition time for yourself. Perhaps a glad of iced tea or water will signal “end of the day.” Of course, we know your brain never shuts down. And you’ll continue to get those good ideas during dinner, but you’ll be much better at being present where you are.

Writing is a right and a calling that you can’t forget. If your Muse wakes you when you should be asleep, write down what comes to mind. It’s precious.

The day before Thanksgiving, you open the door and discover a real turkey on your doorstep.

Write this scene in the comments section, below – describe how it got there, why is it at your house and what will you do with it now?

You’ve heard the phrase, “flesh out your characters.” You want to take characters from a room full of stick people to dimensional people. When we do this, our readers begin to imagine their appearance, interests, how they sound and move across the room. When we give characters personality characteristics, if we get it right, our readers begin to talk about them as though they have life. That’s what we aim to do. Give our characters life.

Real-world people fall into categories of personality types, but none of us is a cookie-cutter of another person. Still, we say, “Yeah, I know the type.” And, you do.

We say, “That’s just not like me,” as though there is only one way we can be.

Think of your characters as a type. When they act out-of-character, it will add a surprise for your reader and keep them interested.

Here are 8 ways to give your characters personality:

1. Create characters with different personality types in your work. Think of a party where everyone who comes into the room has their own type and quirks, interests and skills. Some are mentally stable and some are not.
2. To write about an extraverted person, have the character always speak first or take charge of the conversation. Describe her “breezing in from the club and grabbing a bite before dressing up to go out on the town with friends.” In other words, you don’t say the character is extraverted and likes to be around people, you show the character’s actions. Readers will get the type.
3. To convey your character’s introversion type, describe internal dialog the character is thinking. They think before they act. This character would, “sigh a sense of relief to be home after the club meeting and look forward to spending an evening in pajamas reading a book, alone.” Again, we know the type.
4. There is the obsessive type. Remember the old TV show, “The Odd Couple”? One character was obsessively neat, the other not. Describe a character’s unease when he/she notices a picture off-kilter. Always straightening things is another characteristic readers will recognize. This character is good at spotting things out of place.
5. Have characters dialog use, “I think” to convey a person who uses logic and reasoning to make decisions.
6. Have characters use “I feel” to convey a person who incorporates gut feeling and emotions when making decisions.
7. Have your characters report a dream where they see themselves acting out of character.
8. Embellish the characters until they you have a sense of their own style. Think about what interests and hobbies they would have, how they would dress, and what types of people they would like to hang out with.

Once you write about each character, it will be easier for you to weave their personality characteristics into your story. You’ll spontaneously know who talks too much and who is the quieter person. Just like being at the party. We know the types.

Good writing!

Using the “F” word will spice up your writing and give your writing life a lift. Which word am I referring to? Fantasy. What were you thinking?

There are two ways to understand “fantasy” in a writer’s life. Many writers have a fantasy, or perhaps unrealistic expectation, would be a better way of describing their idea of how easily or quickly they will be on the best seller’s list, and of course, their novel will be made into a movie. The second way of looking at fantasy is what I want to bring to your attention in this article. Fantasy is necessary. Fantasy is available and free. Fantasy gives us magical episodes in our stories. Fantasy springs from the mind and comes to life in the mind’s eye.

Think of all the fantasy authors you really like. The usual number is between 5 and 10 (though there’s no accounting for ‘usual’, is there? ;). Now think of all the fantasy authors you’ve read and not liked, or felt neutral about. Big number, isn’t it? Okay – now think of all the authors on all the bookshelves of your local bookstore. No matter the genre, the author needed fantasy to imagine the story, the characters, the whole process of bringing the idea to a shelf in a store.

Something about what fantasy authors do makes us want to write. So, what is it? It is the ability to take every single idea within your imagination and put it down onto paper. In fantasy there are no required character traits, we don’t have to stick to an earth-like geology, we can create new species, people can perform magic, in fact, the rules of the universe don’t even exist. We can do away with gravity or the sun and we can travel as fast as we like, how we like. Basically, any idea inside your head is plausible in fantasy. That gives you a lot of scope.

Apart from the process of using fantasy to write, we have a genre named “Fantasy Literature,” as a distinct type of writing that emerged in Victorian times, with the works of writers such as William Morris and George MacDonald.

Have you noticed that fantasy stories and novels are among the most popular genres for both writers and readers? According to an April 2010 article in Publisher’s Weekly, companies specializing in fantasy and science fiction are opening their doors even in the midst of a general publishing industry slump. With the success of film adaptations of novels like “Lord of the Rings,” many aspiring authors are interested in writing fantasy stories. Fantasy writers take readers on a journey to colorful worlds filled with mythical creatures.

Still, fantasy writing is complex and challenging, but for a reader of fantasy they enjoy for what it is:  Good writing. If the writing is good they will enjoy it, and that is what links them to other readers everyone who reads wants a good book.

Some might say: willingness to bring out the feelings and words, living in our minds, exposing them, revealing ourselves to ourselves and others.

Some might say: a state of dissociated mind where reality is held at a distance and fantasy is invited to play; psychosis.

Some might say: psychological unease is necessary to express angst, sadness, darkness; the ability to wrestle with feelings and wring out of them the words that form bridges to other people who feel similarly.

Some might way: a flow state of mind where words and images mingle; where writing is free-flow, with no form intended.

Some might say: a sense of courage, fearlessness, and bravery to sit down and see what thoughts show up.

Some might say: a mystical state, induced by prayer, meditation, drugs, or psychosis.

But, I think you are enough. You don’t have to be psychotic, addicted, in a suicidal state of despair, or brave to be a creative writer. But, plenty of writers do struggle with intense emotions and succeed at finding the words that touch our pain, too. I guess it shows you don’t have to be happy to write.

Maybe writers we know and love have written great works in those states of mind, but so have writers written good works in a clear state of mind, with intention, integrity, and the discipline of sitting in the chair. I guess it shows you can be happy and write. Some days are clear and sunny; some are rainy and cloudy. We can write in any state, any weather, don’t you think?

Some people need a plan. A time. An intention. Some people need support and other people around. Some need solitude. Probably, a good plan would include all of these.

Start off with writing down what happened today and how you felt about it. If you’re developing characters in your story or novel, you can do this with your characters, too. What do you imagine they would tell you about their day? Write it down. Now you are writing dialog. See how easy that was?

“Tell me about your childhood…” 

First, while parents are held to play a major role in a child’s development, they often play an overlooked role in causing a child to develop a heightened susceptibility to fear. This article does NOT look at this in terms of moral condemnation, but more from a curious attitude. After all, we understand their experiences have been determined by the experience they themselves had as children.

Second, I should offer a disclaimer. By profession and education, I am a psychotherapist with a background in psychology. Thus, my deep interest in behavior, how it arises and how it can be changed, if desired.

Questions

1. What do fears of any kind have to do with childhood and family interactions?
2. Why do people have different intensity of fears?
3. What is the family story?
4. What does “reify” emotions mean?
5. What can I do?

Responses

1. As stated in the opening of this article, examining one’s childhood and family relationships is not a quest to bash the family. It is a possibility, that in becoming curious, you will recall events that were not pleasant. However, is would be remiss to leave out this important part of life if we want to examine any fears, and for our purposes, fears related to writing.

You’ve heard of words such as “bonding” and “attachment” used to understand child/caregiver relationships. The Attachment Theory studies what happens to children who develop an “insecure attachment” to a caregiver in the child’s formative years. One consequence is that the children will become anxious and sensitive to new situations. In normal situations, such as meeting an animal for the first time, they act as though it should be a scary event. In situations that would be described as a “fear-arousing situation,” the child is more likely to respond with intense fear than children who are confident and securely attached to their parents.

2. To add to the “puzzle,” we need to look at the context of the fear and how the fear may be compounded. For example, a person is afraid when alone and at nighttime, he hears noises in the house. There is more than one component to his fear. But, which one will she focus on? Which one will warrant therapy? Is it being alone? In the house? Nighttime? Hearing noises in the house? Or the person’s perspective?

Let’s look at the complexity of fear of writing or writer’s block. A person sits down with the intention of writing but doesn’t write. If this continues, coined expressions, “writer’s block,” may the self-explanation. Many people would say that they have developed a phobia about writing. In other words, they would explain the blank screen or blank page as the object that elicits such fear they can only sit, but not write. Again, which will the writer focus on? The blank page or screen? The chair, the time of day, the writing topic? The pen?

Rarely, does the writer think of examining childhood.

3. How many times have I heard, “I had a wonderful childhood!” as a defensive answer to questions about childhood? So, I ask them to draw stick figures (you can do this, too), labeling who is who and then answering the questions: what did the grown-ups argue about? Nag each other about? Complain about you? What did you think they thought about you?

Common themes usually emerge: money, chores, fights about…and sometimes the family story reveals breakups, leavings, death, feeling or knowing you were unwanted.

The parents tell convincing stories about how they are all good and the child is troubled. The child is faced with the dilemma of believing him/her self or going along with the parent’s story. Believe me, this one can cause internal conflict.

If the family story is negative about a person, this can generalize to lack of confidence in saying what is on their mind, even a story of poem. After all, repression is not selective.

4. There is a tendency to reify emotions, especially uncomfortable ones. For example, instead of describing the situation in which a person experiences fear, the person is said to “have” a fear. Do you hear the difference? Instead of a person describing a situation in which he/she felt anxious about writing, he/she is said to have a phobia about writing or writer’s block.

5. Write about what you can’t write about. Adopt a curious attitude and explore the questions I’ve raised. You don’t have to change anything, but you may find your attitude about what is true for you will become precious.

I have been working from home for about 15 years now, and there are many benefits, but there are also many unseen problems. Today I am going to shed some light on a few of them I’ve learned the hard way.

Always Being at Work

The main problem with working from home is that you are technically always at your work site. You sit down to eat lunch, the phone rings, you’re expected to “be at work” and answer the phone. Then your mind begins a battle, “everyone deserves a lunch break” versus “what are you thinking, answer the phone, this is what clients do – they call you for an appointment.” It becomes very hard for your mind to separate work time and leisure time. Throw in writing time and it can result in more mind conversations that keep you busy but not a lot gets accomplished. “I’ll write during commercials” was one myth I told myself.

Another problem with working from home is that stuff needs doing at home. It makes me wonder how I ever got it all done before I began working from home. Anyway, if you’re considering working from home or you already are, you know how the many tasks pulling at us can make us scatterbrained. There’s always something to catch our attention.

Ready, Set, Where Did I Put….?

If you do work and write from home, aim to take breaks between writing times.  Take a catnap. It sounds counterintuitive but it works. Rest, physical exercise, a little house cleaning, can make you feel better and help your mind calm down.

Okay, you’re ready to get started and write a novel in one night. What did you name your document? Where are your notes? Even the most organized among us looses things. When you are on your own, working from home, it can be easy to slip into putting things off when you can’t find what you’re looking for. However, here’s a tip for that situation. Always have more than one project going on. Can’t remember the name of one document? Begin another one or pick up where you left off on the story you were writing yesterday. Chances are, while you are writing something else, the name of your saved document will come to you.

Not Real Work

Despite the popularity of working from home, especially for writers, a lot of people still don’t recognize writing as “real work.” They don’t think twice about dropping by or, more likely, sending 50 texts about nothing so you won’t “get bored working by yourself.” Yikes! Don’t expect them to understand that distractions are like a two-year-old pulling at your ankles to a scatterbrained writer. Those same people don’t understand why there are houses called “writer’s cabins” and “writer’s retreats” for people to get away. “Can’t you just sit and write at home?” they will ask.

As you know, writing is real work. It extracts every emotion you have. The act of writing will work your facial muscles as though they are in Olympic training as you frown, freeze, squint and smile in front of a blank piece of paper or computer screen.

Are You A Morning or Night Writer?

You already know the answer to this question. I would love to be a morning writer. When I was a doctoral student, I tried very hard to be an early morning writer/reader, but I would find myself staring off into space not remembering a thing I had read. My body rhythm is basically set to the 3-11 shift. Sometimes I have to write against my “grain” but given a choice, I’ll save writing until night. How about you? If you naturally wake up early with a lot of energy, feeling alert and fresh, chances are you could write best in the morning hours. You’re one of those people I yearned to be because I thought it would be easier to get up an hour earlier and get a lot of work done. It wasn’t for me but it might be your golden hours.

Whatever your natural body energy rhythms, if you set those hours as your writing time, and guard against distractions, you will write more in the creative zone than the scatterbrained zone.  

The Value of Being a Scatterbrained Writer

In closing, I began this article with the dangers of being a scatterbrained writer. However, I know there is value in being a scatterbrained writer, too.  I’ll include myself in this group. We notice a lot of things, don’t we? Overheard conversations, a look we see one person give another, birds outside the window, a whiff of smells in a restaurant…they all get put into our writer’s compost pile to be used later. Writing dialogue, describing scenes and characters are often nourished by these snippets of saved experiences.

Patricia Brawley is a licensed therapist, consultant, and writer’s coach. After 20+ years of practicing meditation, she embraces the scatterbrained nature of mind.