In this article, I discuss one perspective on the intimate relationship we have with our bodies, particularly weight. It is a mundane topic but one that graces the cover of almost every magazine in the grocery store check-out line and many ads on TV.  Like many of us, I grapple with the problems and attitude that intrudes into day-to-day life and causes us to act on impulse and desire. Happiness will never come from grasping and yet, what are we to do? Give up? No. Give in. Give in to the situation and make it better.

Consider the benefits of becoming intimate with your body. All of it. It’s size, age, beauty and flaws. The parts that hurt and the parts you like are all part of the weight. Weight is more than a number. I’m not saying numbers are meaningless. Far from it. Numbers give us direction. But, there is so much more than body mass that makes up the number we see on the scale.

Just like when you are in relationships with others, intimacy has to do with seeing yourself in others and feeling they are “like me.” Your identity is not challenged and you are not disturbed by what others think or feel about you. But, when there is a disconnect with identity, perhaps weight, you look in the mirror and think, “This is not me.” But, you need to look deeper to find out why you are feeling the disconnect. Is it because there is a true gap between the person you see in the mirror and who you are inside? Or is it because you think you need to be someone else to make others happy?

We don’t want others to see us as overweight. We care what they think about us because we are always thinking about ourselves, rather than the other person. We become self-conscious. In Buddhism, the second noble truth shows us that the source of suffering comes from desire and excessive focus on self. We want something outside ourselves to fix it.  It could be a person or the latest diet pill.

When I think of how many people are unhappy about their weight, I feel very sad at how weight has become the focus and such a big marker for happiness. Some may be teased by others, are internally traumatized by it, or are physically sick from it.

I’d like to raise awareness that a perfect weight is NOT the goal, or a reason to become self-critical. Knowing if you truly do want to lose weight and why is the goal.

If you are happy in your own skin, that’s all that matters! If you’re not, ask yourself why. Become more aware of how you are talking to yourself about your body. Lighten up. Make a list of the things you love about yourself. Drop the criticisms and create an action plan to bridge the gap if there is one In meditation, hold your body in totality. Try to not celebrate gaining or losing pounds. It’s distracting from the joy of living.