Category Archives: Stress Relief

How to Accept What Is

Acceptance2A bit of a somber note, but let’s talk freely, shall we? We are friends.

These are stressful, even traumatic times. If you still watch the news, I think you will agree. We all can feel the impact on our senses, moods and nervous system. Observing traumatic events can traumatize us. It is important to differentiate what we can control and what we cannot. That doesn’t mean we are powerless. We are resilient and there is still happiness and love in our lives.

Practicing mindfulness and compassion in our daily lives strengthens our resiliency.  Practice is the key word here because we get better at anything we practice. The brain actually changes through mindfulness and compassion practice.

Let go of doing it perfectly. Give it a try and notice the outcome – the way you feel.

4 suggestions on how to do that…

1.) Practice meditation & name your feelings.

When emotions are suppressed or ignored, they turn into bigger problems that catch our attention, such as physical pain.  There is a saying to remedy this tendency. It is “Name it to tame it.”  Not so simple. We can’t always immediately identify our feelings. But, if we stop and just sit for a moment and “be”, it will come.

You’ll notice the feeling and a name(s) will come to mind. Ah! This is what it is like to feel, for example, powerless. Once you practice naming your feelings, the feelings become like smoke alarms notifying you that you should introduce something calming into your day. You begin to see clearly how emotions affect your life.

2.) Put out the welcome matt for your emotions. 

Don’t worry. They won’t stay long. Watch them show up, stay about 30 to 90 seconds, then leave. The joke is we think they are going to stay all day long, so we don’t want to let them in!

In meditation practice, we learn to welcome all of our emotions with generosity and kindness. Imagine someone bring you a flower knocking on your front door. Welcome them, take the flower, say goodbye.

3.) You’re not the Judge.

We often pretend we are the judge of the world ourselves. Look, everyone makes mistakes.  We all remember when we spilled the milk.  A tirade of judgment doesn’t undo it. It shuts us down and makes it harder to ‘fess up. Yes, I spilled the milk.”

Taking responsibility is an act of courage but then give compassion to yourself, which breeds confidence and helps us learn how not to spill the milk next time. Likely, you would not judge your best friend as harshly for spilling milk as you do yourself. Why is that? Develop kindness and compassion for yourself.

  1. We’re all in this together.

All around the world people are feeling scared and overwhelmed. It is our human condition and isolation makes it worse. Send compassion to both yourself and others who are suffering by using your prayers and mindfulness meditation practice.

I remember my meditation teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, telling the class, “You don’t have to like it but you do have to do it anyway.” ‘Nuff said.

Simmering in Distractions

Simmering (1)“Shut up, shut up, I’m busy.” were the last words radioed by the captain of the Titanic before it hit the iceberg and sank. He was warned. The ship sank because of his distraction.

How many things do you miss because of distraction? Health changes? Relationship secrets? It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time for this.” and return to your cell phone, tablets, TV shows, and so on. No wonder it is hard for people to slow down and enjoy silence or the sounds of nature or looking at the starry skies.

Rumi, the great Persian poet of old, gave this advice in a poem: “Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof.” Do you feel the warning in his words? Is it necessary to do it all at once? Can you drive without texting? Can you enjoy conversation with friends without looking at your watch or getting anxious about your to-do plan for the day? Can you enjoy reading or allowing creativity to emerge in verse, art, words, landscaping, beauty?

Research proves multi-tasking is not as effective as mindful attention to one thing at a time. Technology has changed our lives for better and for worse.

Just wait until Artificial Intelligence moves into your home! I am not advocating against technology. I am suggesting we “simmer” with it and learn to keep the distractions to a minimum while we live an authentic, creative life.

Need a start? Try these antidotes:

1.) Notice the behavior (ie; urge to text at work/driving)
2.) Try something different (ie; hum/sing)
3.) Commit to practicing that new behavior until it becomes natural

There is no need to fall off the roof. Sit and simmer with your thoughts and relationships. Hopefully, you will not be too busy to miss the iceberg.

Taking Cortisol Out of the Closet

Cortisol ImpactWhen I was a Master’s degree student, not much was mentioned about hormones. Sounds silly now because the counseling education now has become more integrated with neuroscience. Still, we overlook the impact of hormones in the psychological symptoms people experience.

Stress is a common experience that people report in a counseling session or a chat with friends. Stress does not discriminate. Age, race, gender, or job title. It’s still there. If we’re looking for Stress, we’ll find it hiding in plain sight among people with addiction, people worried about money, people who are away from family and feel homesick and people who are homeless with no one to help them. Students can’t concentrate, can’t remember because they are stressed. Old people too. It’s just different fear, but still they complain of forgetfulness and fear losing their mental abilities.

It doesn’t end there. There are thoughts that intrude, out of the blue. “Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the stove?” and “Does he/she still love me?”

There is no one “out there” asking these questions. We know that the brain is responsible for communicating with the body. So, when the brain senses external information from the environment, like having to take a test, it alerts the body about a perceived threat. This is good news, to some extent, because we need to get a boost of adrenaline, focus our attention, and get moving. Thoughts about the meaning of failing the test can create a life-or death belief about failing the test. This triggers the brain to send out signals to other bodily organs prompting the heart to speed up, the mouth to get dry, decrease hunger, dilate pupils, and the release of adrenaline or epinephrine.

If the nervous system is responsive, once the test has been taken and the student leaves the room, the nervous system slows down, heart rate returns to normal, pupils become normal and hunger returns.

But, what if something doesn’t work that way?  What if the stressor (the test, for example) is not present but the person reacts as if something is there?  What if we are living in a constant state of stress? Now, we get into the realm of learning more about the impact of thoughts, memory, imagination, beliefs, and perception. When a person experiences increased levels of stress, this translates to an increase of the stress hormone, Cortisol. This plays a major role is what comes to be known as Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Hives, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Insomnia, Muscle Tenseness, Headaches, Teeth Grinding, and more. When we are stressed, our body automatically stops focusing on boosting our immune system against other things, digesting our food, or any other “non-necessary” processes in that moment, so it can focus on handling “the immediate threat”.

The good thing is we know more about this cycle. We understand the immune system is compromised by stress and people catch more colds and viruses and stay sick longer. We also know we need Cortisol. Like salt sprinkled on our food throughout the day, we need a sprinkling of Cortisol throughout the body and a lot of it when we need to act quickly.

More good news: we can lower the level of unhealthy Cortisol. Here are some tips but know this is not everything and your medical doctor should always be consulted when you try something new.

1) Exercise. The recommendation is 30 to 60 minutes per day. But, anything counts. Pick something that fits your needs and physical abilities. As with most things, moderation is a good motto. Your Cortisol level will increase during exercise (what?). However, cortisol levels begin to decrease once exercise is complete.

2) Mindfulness. There are so many books, research articles, videos that you can learn all you want to learn about mindfulness practice with just a little effort. Mindful practices decrease activity in the stress response pattern and promote feelings of relaxation, calm, renewal.

3) Breathwork. You may recall when you are stressed your breathing is altered. We hold our breaths, breath very shallow, and feel like we can’t take a deep breath. Breathwork is practicing and learning about the way breath can affect cortisol, thus reduce stress. Diaphragmatic breathing and many other breath exercises puts you in more control of how you function and how you feel.

4) Thought Patrol. Hans Selye is credited with being the professor who pioneered stress research. One of his quotes is worth writing here. “It’s not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

Many therapeutic techniques, such as Cognitive Behavioral Theory, addresses the power of thoughts, particularly those that are crystal-ball thoughts or rooted in the past.

In summary, Cortisol exists for a reason, and it keeps us healthy and functioning well during life experiences. At the same time, it can get on the fast train and travel all over our bodies carrying the wrong messages or too many messages. If you learn about its role in your life, you can work toward helping yourself to have wellness instead of Stress.

If you’d like to work with me in therapy or coaching to work on the mental aspects of weight loss and stress management, I’d love to hear from you. We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

What is Meditation and Why Should I do it?

1-What is Meditation-image2Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation and believe it has a religious or spiritual meaning, but that’s not always true. Many people, including agnostics, find meditation to be beneficial and use it when they need serenity.

There are several different types of meditation but here are 3 of the most popular forms:

Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation where a mentor or teacher encourages someone to visualize a certain outcome. For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks. During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael..He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra. The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as Meditation
Another form of meditation is mindfulness. It’s focused on staying in the moment without fear or judgement. Rather, you become an observer of your inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you can sit or lie comfortably and listen to your thoughts. The key is not to react to what you’re thinking. For example, you think about cookies in the kitchen but then remember you’re supposed to be on a diet. You instantly feel guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best for you.

 Ready to start meditating? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with the word Meditation in the subject line to learn more about an upcoming course/class.

Blessing and Meditation Practice for You

downloadBlessing someone and ourselves costs nothing and gives a great return. You will feel better, more open and compassionate.Give this gift to yourself or someone else who needs it.

Below are some phrases I put together for you.

Pick 3 to start and say them silently. Start with saying the phrase to yourself, such as, “May I be happy and peaceful.” Next think of someone you love and think “May ____ be happy and peaceful.” Next, think of someone you know casually, such as the cashier you see every week, and say to yourself, “May________ be happy and peaceful.” If you want to stretch yourself, choose someone you have a grudge toward or don’t like and ask that they be happy and peaceful, too.

Move on to your next phrase and repeat the exercise.

Start with 3 phrases, and either build to more or switch to another three phrases as you continue your practice.

  • May I be happy and peaceful.
  • May I be safe and protected.
  • May I be healthy and strong.
  • May I have ease of mind and heart.
  • May I be free from suffering.
  • May I be kind to myself.
  • May I trust my goodness.
  • May I love and accept myself just as I am.
  • May I live with ease and good health.
  • And be filled with loving-kindness.

The Importance of Being Happy First

choosehappyWe have a list of things in our head at all times about what will make us happy…. “If only this would happen…” or “when that happens…”, I’ll be happy. Do you really want to put happiness on hold until those things are satisfied?

In this article, I am going to use writing as an example, but you can fill in your own blank about what you want to happen. Writing more, writing better or–fill in-the blank — will NOT make you happy if you aren’t happy now.

That’s not to say that implementing something you love won’t help you walk down the road to happiness, but you can’t expect an immediate cure for unhappiness.

It pains me to write this. The reason is we keep changing our goal posts. We want more.

Check out this TED talk about the importance of being happy first . Shawn Achor has done lots of research on the topic and I find his evidence convincing. Writing more is not going to make you happier, but giving yourself time to do things for yourself and others (offering help to others, meditating, gardening, taking a long walk) will likely make you happier, therefore, a better writer.

 It’s better to do something to work toward your goal a little bit every day than a whole lot of things on an inconsistent basis.

Michael Ferris Smith said his novels started with one sentence or one idea and he wrote every day letting his mind create the story. When someone asked when he thought of a character or scene, he said “When I thought of it.”

Whatever you are working towards (writing, exercise, cleaning out a dresser drawer), start with 5 minutes a day. This takes away your argument that you don’t have time. You may come up with other arguments but try it. It becomes a habit and you will feel successful (and could decide to do moreJ

In general, the best time to do your thing is first thing in the morning.  I can hear you groaning. Your energy and focus may be in the evening.  But there are legitimate reasons to try the morning time. Your creative brain is awake, you have more energy, you’re in a better mood, and you’ll feel good all day about fitting in your 5 minutes.

Depending upon your goal, give yourself permission to “just do it.” without being perfect. If you are writing a story, write a paragraph and allow it to simmer in your mind during the day. It is likely you may rewrite that paragraph every day during your 5 minutes. Give yourself time to rewrite without feeling guilty about rewriting. The best writers in the world are always the best re-writers. This applies to art, dancing, cooking, and such.

The bottom line is that when we are happy, we are better at whatever we do. What do you know would make you happy if you gave it a little time and energy each day?

 

 

Try Hopping on One Leg

one_foot_hop_discountDo you need a little balance in your life? Tired of trying to do everything standing on one leg?

I get a funny picture in my mind when I picture myself trying to get everything done hopping around on one leg. You too? It feels like the harder I try to do everything, the harder it is to see the end in sight.

What would success or “the end” of my to- do list look like? Think about this for yourself. Would we be able to move on to more projects? Would we enjoy the present moment and not wait until a time in an imagined future? Would we take good care of ourselves? What challenges would you face?

One way to look at this is to remember the 80/20 principle. This is known as the Pareto Principle, which states that 20% of what we do produces 80% of results. So, if we identify the times when we are most happy and productive (remember the 20% produces 80% of our good feelings), then we can increase whatever we are doing in the 20% category, right? Let that other stuff go. The flip side is to identify the times we are least happy and productive and reduce that as much as possible.

However, I tend to be a laid-back workaholic most days. This is not helpful when trying to find balance in work and family life. I know. I could join Workaholics Anonymous, a 12-step program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous or I could obsess about things work related, problems in living, and doing three things at once.

The answer is found in the poem, ‘The Guest House” (see above).

Welcome everything. This is what it is like to have this feeling show up, this experience linger, this thought spinning in my head.

Feel free to email me your thoughts or just say hello at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

Eliminating Morning Stress

3-Eliminating Morning Stress-image1Everyone experiences a stressful morning occasionally. It might be that your alarm clock didn’t ring or your car wouldn’t start. Maybe you forgot the report you needed at the house or you left your grocery list on the kitchen counter.

If your mornings always feel stressful, then it’s a sign something needs to change. The good news is most morning stress can be eliminated by creating new habits. It can take a while for a habit to become routine but once it does, your morning will be so much smoother. Here’s how you can reclaim your mornings:

Prepare the night before.
A lot of morning stress can be eliminated by preparing for the morning in advance. Choose your clothes the night before so you already know what you’re going to wear. Pack your lunch and leave it in the fridge so you only have to grab it as you head out.

Skip the news.
Thanks to smartphones and tablets, you can now check the news without ever having to leave the comfort of your bed. But reading or viewing the latest new stories can cause you to experience anxiety and discouragement. Instead of looking forward to a new day, you feel overwhelmed and fearful.

This doesn’t mean you have to avoid the news all day. Staying connected to what’s happening around you is important. But pick and choose what types of news you really need to hear first thing in the morning. For example, you could look over the entertainment news or sport scores but choose to skip the main headlines until later.

Play positive tunes.
Create a morning playlist of music that makes you feel encouraged and play it as you’re starting your day. This will help you wake up and make it easier for you to focus on the positive. Music can also boost your productivity and creativity.

Don’t check your email or social media.
Most people experience their highest energy levels after waking up. Yet the first thing you may be tempted to do is check your email and social media networks. The problem with this is your inbox and networks are often filled with “urgent” messages. These urgent messages quickly crowd out the important tasks you need to get done today. The next thing you know it’s noon and all you’ve accomplished is answering your email and checking social media.

To prevent this, don’t check your email or social networks until later. After an hour or two of working, take a break to check your messages. Since you’ve already tackled the important tasks today, you can devote as much energy as needed to the urgent tasks you ignored earlier.

Morning stress can be a sign that it’s time to step back and evaluate your routines. Look at what’s causing you the most stress and seek simple solutions to fix them. By doing this, you can change your mornings from stressful to delightful!

Be a Morning Person

 

Boredom is Creativity in Disguise

CreativityI’ve got to quit saying “I’m never bored.” I am an only child and feel that I can always find something to do to amuse myself. However, from all the research I’ve read and experiences bear this out, boredom is great for creativity! It’s not something we should try to avoid.

John Cleese (Monty Python fame) said: “We don’t know where we get our ideas from. We do know that we do not get them from our laptops.”  Graham Linehan, an Irish TV comedy writer and director put it this way:  “The creative process requires a period of boredom, of being stuck,” he says. ”

If you are a writer, it feels like an uncomfortable period we mistake for writer’s block, but it’s actually just part one of a long process.

The internet has made it difficult to experience boredom.  We can’t stop following the breadcrumbs of hotlinks, Facebook, twitter, and before long we’ve tweeted up half our work day. This is a form of idleness and, believe it or not, not always a bad thing. But you need to make the conscious effort to put boundaries around this for yourself. Though it gets a bad wrap, the internet can be a plethura of ideas and inspiration as long as it’s used in moderation.

I think you will agree, that surfing the web is not the same kind of idleness as taking a walk or engaging in hobbies you really like. The kind of experience where time goes by before you know it. However you choose to do it, being idle is one of our most important activities in life. Give yourself permission to do this even though it isn’t the popular thing to do.

You see, the brain, like an airplane, can switch to “autopilot’ when we relinquish manual control. The autopilot knows where you really want to go and what you really want to do. The only way to find out what your autopilot knows is to stop flying the plane and let your autopilot guide you.

When the poem shows up or a great idea to solve a problem, you’ll know who to thank. Boredom is just creativity in disguise!

For more great free resources visit the website HERE.