5 Ingredients For Your Wellbeing In 2015

A new year brings with it new possibilities. It’s a chance to start over (again). We set goals, make resolutions to end harmful behaviors and learn healthy ones.

Consider adding these 5 ingredients for your wellbeing in 2015:

What gives your life meaning? Are you involved with something or someone you love that goes beyond yourself? Is it your work, a social cause or an idea that lives in your mind that needs to be put into action? What will live after you? A cause, a charity, a pet — what makes you happy? Do you need to cultivate more of this in 2015?
Trust in yourself. Think about all the transitions and problems you’ve solved in your lifetime. Take note of how creative you were. Trust that you can set a goal to change and do it — your way. If you want to quit smoking, lose weight, save money, write that book, you can. You can do what you want to do. Trust those “crazy” ideas that pop into your head. Some of them could be creative genius!
Use every experience to succeed. As long as you don’t quit, you have not failed. Not many of us set our sights on a goal and go straight toward it without a bump or obstacle to overcome. That’s just part of it. Start again. Don’t quit.
You say you’ve already met your goals? You have a happy family, a good job, financial security, health and happiness? Your goal will be to not jeopardize your good fortune. Make family a priority, live a healthy lifestyle and radiate happiness and peace. Be a good role model for the rest of us.
Be open to new experiences. Look in the bookstores and you will see a large section of books devoted to Personal Growth or Personal Development. Learn to love learning and growing. Have ambitions, make independent choices, claim your dream, make friends and have the courage to face the unknown, believing you will learn more about yourself.

If you need help with setting up your goals for 2015, feel free to reach out to me at DrB@earthlink.net.

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Up in Smoke: A Message of Hope and Change

We’re approaching the time of year of excess, guilt and swearing to change next year. Learn from our lessons, right? Well, we probably can guess that it seems we don’t always learn, but that doesn’t mean we don’t learn what we need to know or what we need to do. It’s the last part about change that stumps us. We want to change, we really do. All good intentions to eat right, save money, quit smoking and on and on. Add your favorites to the list.

Statistics show that around 30 percent of people who want to change something in order to meet their goal, succeed no matter what method they try. They were going to quit anyway, no matter what. The rest of us have the same goals, but fail. Why? I believe, and research backs this up, that when we take a behavior out of context and focus on decreasing or increasing a behavior only, it cannot be separated from the rest of our lives. The change is short lived. Nutrition, stress, work schedules, emotional upsets, painful grief, memories, triggers and more all interact with the behavior. If you’ve ever eaten when you’re stressed and not hungry, you can relate to what I am saying. In other words, you are not a machine that can have a part removed without having any reaction to that change in lifestyle.

For example smoking serves a range of psychological functions, such as a way to regulate emotions or pain. Smoking can be one way people cope with negative life events, trauma or heightened emotions. Smoking represents something about the way we live our lives. When clients who smoke come for therapy, their smoking habit provides a window into the underlying problems they are having and how they are coping with these problems.

Since people vary, smoking is symbolic for multiple issues, such as the need to fit in, fear of feeling, fear of speaking the truth and just needing to feel better. We all know the price people pay for this choice. Not only are smokers taking life away from themselves, they put others in jeopardy with second-hand smoke. If you want to create a visual reminder of this fact, make a container for yourself and as many people as you love/live with. Draw a coffin on each jar. Each time you smoke, put money in each jar for the funeral expenses.

That’s a bit strong, isn’t it? And, I’ve just said, changing the behavior is not the best way to really quit this habit. So, check out my new e-course: “Up In Smoke.” It’s a holistic approach to change. Real change.

Quiz: How Well Do You Cope With Change?

All change carries with it the risk of the unknown and the unexpected. Some find this exciting and welcome the challenge. Others go down the path of change reluctantly, dragging their heels all the way. But, as songwriter Johnny Rivers said, “The only thing that’s permanent is change.” A conscious, developed awareness of our response to change can help us develop better coping strategies.

Answer the following questions to find out how you cope with change. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T / F 1. I hesitate to make a change until everything is 100 percent right.

T / F 2. I never make changes unless they are forced on me.

T / F 3. Generally, I look forward to change as exciting and challenging.

T / F 4. I’m the kind of person who has to be totally fed up before I’ll make any changes.

T / F 5. When confronted with a change over which I have little control, I review the events and my behavior to determine if I could have done anything differently.

T / F 6. Rather than feeling responsible for negative changes that come out of nowhere, I take responsibility for my reaction to them.

T / F 7. I realize that sometimes even “good” changes have an underside that may bring unexpected problems.

T / F 8. I realize that a positive change in one area of my life won’t smooth out all my problems.

T / F 9. When coming to terms with a major change in my life, I attempt to keep other changes to a minimum.

T / F 10. When a change or transition occurs, I review how I have handled other such events in my life for lessons on how to cope in this event.

T / F 11. I look for other people who have undergone similar changes as models for how I might better cope with the change in my life.

T / F 12. During a time of change, I ask for help and support from those close to me, reliable friends and outside professionals.

T / F 13. After a life change, I step back from the situation to get perspective and rest in order to regain a sense of balance.

T / F 14. I try to look at the “big picture” of the change, and acknowledge mixed feelings I might have.

T / F 15. Rather than blaming or feeling victimized, when I’m caught in a change over which I have no control, I “pick myself up, dust myself off” and continue to move forward.

T / F 16. I don’t hold onto the “way things used to be,” but instead move into “the way things are.”

T / F 17. In order to make a necessary change, I am willing to risk the disapproval and lack of support from others.

T / F 18. When something positive happens for someone that might change our relationship, I don’t let my fears get in the way of being supportive of that person.

If changes in your life are causing you difficulties, or if you need help in developing some skills to cope with change, don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Healing with Poetry

For years poetry was dreaded by millions. Either it meant crushingly long epics that went on and on, putting vast numbers of classrooms to sleep. Or it was so filled with hidden meaning that only lofty professors and a few graduate students could understand it.

Poetry has become more personal, and therefore, more popular. It has also become a powerful tool in helping people make lasting changes in their lives.

Language can influence us deeply — not just what we say, read or write — but also what we think. When we put our thoughts on paper and examine them, it’s a first step in finding out what we want. And when we know what we want — whether it’s in our relationships, jobs, financial dealings or life goals — that’s when we are most effective at making change.

Poetry is particularly effective because it’s short and sweet and gets to the point quickly. It has become such a simple and natural everyday form that even those who don’t consider themselves writers can use it. But it doesn’t have to be written to be effective; reading other people’s poetry can also be a way to shift the way we see our problems and perhaps come up with a different solution. Reading poetry has become so popular that it’s on buses in London and several Canadian and U.S. cities.

Poet Mary Oliver says that this simpler form of poetry is like a “coiled spring, waiting to release its energy in a few clear phrases.”

Poetry can be used as meditation, prayer and relaxation. Many understand its potential to entertain, heal and impart wisdom in everyday language. In fact, poetry was one of many treatments used at the Pennsylvania Hospital, founded in 1751 by Benjamin Franklin.

Poetry is accessible to anyone—to entertain, to understand more deeply, to see life in a different light. It has the power to connect us to ourselves and to others so that we know we are not alone. It can result in an “aha!” moment that shifts the direction of our lives.

Take Oliver’s poem, “The Journey.” This poem is about re-birth and finding the path in life that truly works for us. It’s about making a decision, regardless of what others say. It doesn’t have to be an earth-shaking decision; reading and writing poetry can help with any decision, no matter how small. Every shift has a ripple effect throughout the rest of our lives.

The Journey
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

In the Beginning was the Couch

Once upon a time, if you wanted to know thyself (Plato) or solve relationship problems, you would lie on a couch and say whatever came to mind while a therapist (Freudian) would sit in a chair and listen for themes, write them down and make comments back to you. If you tried to explain yourself, the therapist would point out that you were defensive and could even tell you which defense mechanism you were using, such as denial.

We progressed from the couch to the chair in the therapy room. We’ve learned more clinical techniques to help clients Know Thyself and solve problems. We encourage clients to journal, set goals and talk out their issues with a therapist. The therapist still takes notes and reflects back to the client the themes of the conversation.

Would you like to know about a technique that puts you in the therapist’s chair, both listening to yourself and writing down what comes to mind, learning reflective skills? It’s called Therapeutic Writing practice. This is not new and you don’t have to do it alone.

What is new is that you’re in control of what you write about, how you write, how much you write and how much, if any, you share with anyone. You can choose a new topic for each writing session. You don’t have to know grammar, spelling or typing. Pen, pencil, paper and your mind are the ingredients to turning out…well, you don’t know what. It’s the same recipe every day, but you’ll get a different product each time. One day you may get an insight about your illness, or grieving or suddenly become awe struck with the beauty in your life.

Why don’t you give it a try? Know Thyself a little more each day. Who else but you knows what’s important to you?

If you can’t think of where to start, I’ve compiled a list of topics, below. Read over them and pick one that inspires you to write a paragraph (or more). No time limit. Five minutes is fine if you’re writing from your heart.

You can always contact me to work with you on a topic or to share your insights.

Topics

Body Changes: Write about how you’re feeling about your body as it changes with age or illness.
Life Transitions: Write about a time your life changed (someone died, divorced, moved, left, etc.).
Saving Grace: Write about a time someone saved you from something (accident, wrong path, etc.).
For More Topics: Click here.

Boo! Shoo the Ghosts Out of Your Chair

Second Article in the “Sitting” Series:
Ready, Sit, Go

You know the term ghostwriter as a skill, a career, a service, don’t you? But do you know the term ghostwriter(s) as the experience of feeling your voice drowned out by internal voices, memories, and imagined fears? How can you discern whether your ego is shouting or you are hearing your ghostly Muse? That’s what I want to help you with today.

It happens like this: you get an idea or it’s your daily writing practice. You sit down (alone, you think) and all of a sudden your enthusiasm and energy vanishes. In its place is a cacophony of thoughts that interrupt your own. It’s as though uninvited ghosts squeeze into the chair with you. What attracts them to your writing chair? How many are fighting for airtime?

“Hear me. Your idea sucks.”

“Hear me. What are you thinking? You don’t know enough to write this.”

“Hear me. The laundry needs doing. Why are you wasting your time sitting down to write?”

But, sometimes a “hear me” ghost whispers a sentence that your gut responds to and you want to hear more. That’s a good thing. After all, a gal from Mississippi and guy from Montreal gave us True Blood – about vampires, and The Life of Pi – about a shipwrecked boy alone in a boat with a Bengal tiger. Don’t you wish you were there the day that idea was whispered to them?

I doubt my ghostly muse would ever give me such an idea as theirs. But, who knows? When the ghost of the Creative Muse gets fired up with imagination, all sorts of ideas play out in our writing. Haven’t you heard writers say, “I don’t know where the words came from?”

“Hear me. I’ve got a wild idea for you.”

“Hear me. Just write without thought.”

“Hear me. Move over a bit. We’re in this together.”

The next time uninvited, negative ghosts show up in your chair with you, give them a loud, “Boo!” and shoo them away. They know who they are. Ahh…doesn’t that feel more comfortable?

If you’re having some difficulty shooing your ghosts, take advantage of my offer for a free consult by simply entering your information in the red box to book your Brainstorming Writing Coaching Session with me!

The Integrity of Sitting

First Article in the “Sitting” Series:
Ready, Sit, Go

The Buddha had a simple test for measuring wisdom. He said, you’re wise if you can get yourself to do things you don’t like doing but know will result in happiness, and if you can refrain from things you like doing but know will result in pain and harm.

We plan to write, we talk about writing, and we walk around the chair where we need to sit to write. That’s what I do. What do you do when it’s time to write that story, report, article? Does it matter if it is something you have to do or want to do?

I used the word “integrity” in this article because I want you to look honestly at the results of your intentions and actions around writing. How attached are you to doing the same things or taking the same actions even when nothing gets written? Consider this: do you overestimate the pleasure you will get by doing something other than writing? Do you underestimate the pain you will feel if you do not write?

I am your biggest fan. I know there is a tactical solution to keep the “sitting” part of writing alive and well. You can reimagine your intentions to write. You can learn to be honest and sensitive to your actions and consequences. You can allow yourself to imagine yourself writing as a route to greater power over your life and feeling happier about yourself. In other words, sitting/writing happens when pleasure of writing outweighs feeling bad about not writing.

How will you know? Check your mirror. Just as you would check a mirror to see if there is any dirt on your face or green stuff stuck in your teeth, your feelings, actions, and desires show, too. If you give up on yourself or don’t allow yourself to imagine the writer in you getting to live, what will that look like on your face?

The Arc of Writing

Third Article in the Series:
Ready, Sit, Go

This is the third article of a 9-part program, Ready Sit Go. You can read the first two articles about getting ready to write in the past ezines.

The arc of writing is a description of a structure that contains movement, one segment at a time until the whole arc is visible. As you think about getting ready to write, imagine an arc and see if you can fill in the segments with your storyline to complete a whole structure.

Here is an idea of how an arc could be written:

The first segment of the arc would be the setup scene, something ordinary happening to people.
Another segment could describe an inciting incident, something that will lead to complications for your characters.
The next segments are turning points in the escalating conflict(s). Characters may have their own conflicts that eventually turn into a collision of conflicts between characters.
Following the conflicts is the climax of the story. The fallout leads to the beginning of a resolution.
The last segments work out the resolutions of the story for your characters. Perhaps you will also want to write an epilogue, as well.

Too much time spent in one segment bogs your story down and readers want to hurry up and get to “the good part.”

See if you can imagine your story as a play with scenes. How long would you be interested in watching scene 1? Draw your readers in and then move on to the next segment/scene until you have completed the arc of your story.

Applause!

Getting Ready To Write

First Article in the Series:
Ready, Sit, Go

Last week, I attended a workshop sponsored by the Gulf Coast Writer’s Association. John Floyd, a prolific short story writer, was the guest speaker. He’s not only a good writer, but he is an inspiring writer. During the conversation, someone asked him if he had a writing schedule. His answer was, “I’m always writing. I wrote a story in my head on the drive down here.” Oh, really?, I thought. Then, so did I. But, I had not thought of thinking of a story as writing.

I was stuck in defining writing as pen in hand or typing out the story. I was so enthused that I had been writing without calling it that, that an idea came to me to help others get on board with their desire to write. I’m calling my program, “Ready, Sit, Go.”

Today, I’ll share three ways to get Ready.

1. Don’t write. Do something you enjoy doing first. Take a drive, go for a walk or relax the way you like. Put off the idea of writing, but if an idea hits you, jot a note about it. File it. You can do that, can’t you? Good, you’re getting ready to write.

2. Clear a space to write. Put lists, projects, clutter away from view so they don’t distract you when you get to the writing part. Right now, we’re getting ready to write, not writing (yet). But, again, if an outline comes to mind, jot it down.

3. Some writers can write anywhere, anytime. The rest of us need to develop a routine, such as putting on a favorite piece of music, making the bed, pouring a cup of tea (or something stronger). Think about what you would like to wear when you write. Do you need new pens? Folders? Or, will everything be written on your computer?

Maybe you will only do one of the steps to get ready, or maybe all. Let us hear about what motivates you to get ready to write, below.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes