You’d want to know if a thief broke into your house and if something was taken and it’s value, right? You’d have an emotional reaction. Perhaps you’d feel angry or sad, scared, or victimized. It would not be fair.

And, what would you do if the thief came every day? Same thief, always stealing something you value.

You wouldn’t put up with it. When a thief breaks into your mind, you have the same feelings you would have if your house were broken into, but you open the door for the mental thief. The thief makes themselves at home and wreaks havoc, stealing things from you.

The mental thief steals time and good intentions. Not only does the thief steal, they leave things in chaos. They leave signs and messages for you, mostly negative ones. The messages left behind sounds like, “You didn’t get it right.” or “You’re not ready to start.” Everyone has their own messages learned in early childhood when we were learning and we didn’t get it right, but we tried and we wanted to please and appease. You may not remember all the praise you received, but you surely remember criticism. Most of us remember the negative remarks and non-verbal messages, too like “the look” or in my case, the “ah-hem” said a certain way.

This foundation of working hard and trying to please is not entirely a negative trait. Who doesn’t want to do their best? But, when we examine the fragments, we see that perfectionism is a response to fear of being criticized or a triggered memory of being criticized. This “perfect child” part of our personality develops early, and it sticks like sticky paper. It’s hard to let go or wiggle free because we learned to depend on approval.

What did we learn? We learned to smile and to cover up how we really feel. We learned to be overly agreeable and worried about achieving an outcome that will please someone else. Ever see the painting of “The Scream?” Ever feel something other than the smile? When there is such a conflict, we get stuck, paralyzed, and we have a difficult time making decisions and solving problems.

This is an important remnant of our lives. Examine it. Ask yourself these questions: “What do I need…to be perfect or to be done? Do I need to hide behind a smile or accept my true feelings? A handy journal can capture the answers to these questions.

Putting things off in a hope of staving off criticism only makes the thief get louder. You tell yourself you know what to do and how to do it, and yet…the critical voice is your own, adopted as the voice you think will make you work harder.  But, it backfires.

Take out your handy journal and try this exercise:

• Your reaction to this article.
• What parts do you agree with?
• Disagree with?What parts do you wish weren’t true
• What purpose does your mental thief serve?
• How can you close the door on this thief when you feel you are being robbed of forward progress?