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What to Do About the Holiday Blues

istockphoto-462974713-612x612I hope you are having fun celebrating the holidays, but many people feel stressed and unhappy during the holidays. Sometimes, as a response to stress, people drink or eat too much,. They may have trouble sleeping or just feel bad. This is what the Holiday Blues can do. Take a look at what you can do if the Blues pay you a holiday visit.

Do you have a Fear of disappointing others?
Some people fear disappointing their loved ones during the holidays, so they spend a lot of money on gifts they can’t afford, and you know what the outcome of that brings.

Do you expect gifts to improve relationships?
We all love to get and give presents, but we can’t count on a present to strengthen relationships. Try not to take it as rejection if your gift doesn’t produce the reaction you had hoped for. You did the right thing. We have no control over other people’s reactions.

Is this a not-so-happy anniversary?   
I can speak from experience. This is the first anniversary of my mother’s death. It’s also the first Christmas cycle without my husband, since I lost him a couple months ago. It is likely I, and others, will become depressed as the holidays approach.

Do you have bad memories?
You may have memories of disappointments, family fights, and chaos that happened around holidays that surface during holiday time. Even though things may be better now, memories surface during holidays that may trigger even more family dysfunction, such as substance abuse.

Is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? 
It’s not just people who live in northern states. Southern states also are gray, cloudy, and have fewer hours of sunlight, too.

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STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH HOLIDAY BLUES

While the holiday blues are usually temporary, these strategies can help you make the holiday season more pleasant, as you are experiencing them.

Be realistic. 
The holiday season, with all the forced cheerfulness, cannot ward off feelings of sadness or loneliness if that’s what’s coming up for you. Recognize your feelings, but tell yourself that it’s okay to feel this, but you can do things to help make yourself feel better. Create opportunities to pepper in things to make you feel happier during that time. For example, schedule dinner with a friend or travel somewhere you’ve never been and experience a different type of holiday with no triggers.

Watch the Booze. 
Even though drinking alcohol gives you a temporary feeling of well-being, it is a depressant and never makes anything better.

It’s OK to not feel cheerful. 
Give yourself permission to accept how you are feeling. If you have recently experienced a loss, you can’t expect yourself to put on a happy face. You can still talk to others and share what you need, like inviting them to take a walk with you.

Stick to your money budget but spend time/conversations, and things that are free.
Find  holiday activities that are free, such as driving around to look at holiday decorations. Go window-shopping without purchasing anything. Look for ways to show people you care without spending a lot.

Be honest.
Express your feelings to those around you in a constructive, honest, and open way. If you need to confront someone with a problem, begin your sentences with “I feel….” not “you make me feel”.

Look for support. 
Community programs, churches, synagogues, etc. are often offered during holidays to help people deal with the holiday blues. You can meet others and make connections.

Take good care of yourself. 
Schedule times for self care. Take a warm bath or spend an evening with a good book.

Limit your To Do List
Be realistic about what you will be able to accomplish. .

Volunteer to help others.
Maybe you will have some time to volunteer and work with others less fortunate than you are.

Get some exercise.
Try to get some type of exercise at least twice each week. It helps your brain boost serotonin levels.

After the Holidays – Still Blue?
Holiday blues can continue into the new year. It may be a leftover feeling of disappointment during the holiday season and being physically exhausted. The blues also happen for some people because the start of a new year is a time of reflection, which can produce anxiety.

Is It More than Just the Holiday Blues?
Clinical depression is more than just feeling sad for a few weeks. The symptoms generally include changes in appetite and sleep patterns, having less interest in daily activities, difficulty concentrating, and a general feeling of hopelessness.

Clinical depression requires professional treatment. If you are concerned that a friend or relative may be suffering from more than just holiday blues, you should express your concerns. If the person expresses thoughts of worthlessness or suicide, it is important to seek the help of a qualified mental health professional.

Can you use some help with anxiety or depression?

To book an appointment:
https://patriciabrawleyphdlpc.fullslate.com/services/1

Simmering in Distractions

Simmering (1)“Shut up, shut up, I’m busy.” were the last words radioed by the captain of the Titanic before it hit the iceberg and sank. He was warned. The ship sank because of his distraction.

How many things do you miss because of distraction? Health changes? Relationship secrets? It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time for this.” and return to your cell phone, tablets, TV shows, and so on. No wonder it is hard for people to slow down and enjoy silence or the sounds of nature or looking at the starry skies.

Rumi, the great Persian poet of old, gave this advice in a poem: “Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof.” Do you feel the warning in his words? Is it necessary to do it all at once? Can you drive without texting? Can you enjoy conversation with friends without looking at your watch or getting anxious about your to-do plan for the day? Can you enjoy reading or allowing creativity to emerge in verse, art, words, landscaping, beauty?

Research proves multi-tasking is not as effective as mindful attention to one thing at a time. Technology has changed our lives for better and for worse.

Just wait until Artificial Intelligence moves into your home! I am not advocating against technology. I am suggesting we “simmer” with it and learn to keep the distractions to a minimum while we live an authentic, creative life.

Need a start? Try these antidotes:

1.) Notice the behavior (ie; urge to text at work/driving)
2.) Try something different (ie; hum/sing)
3.) Commit to practicing that new behavior until it becomes natural

There is no need to fall off the roof. Sit and simmer with your thoughts and relationships. Hopefully, you will not be too busy to miss the iceberg.

Using a Vison Board to Plan Your Goals

IMG_2822Vision boarding is one of my favorite ways to dream and attract what I want more of into my life.

What is a vision board? 

The basic definition of a vision board is a visual manifestation of your goals. So, in order to create a vision board, you have to know what your goals are first!

GOALS

You have to do some deep work and plot out your goals prior to the vision boarding. Deciding on your goals and creating the visual representation of them are really two totally different exercises, and the goals have to come first.

That said, you don’t necessarily need to create a board for ALL your goals right away. If that feels too big, pick just 3 things. They could be how you want to feel, what you want to do, or a combo of both.  Your goals don’t have to be perfect, and you may identify more as you work on the visual, but you at least need a few basics.

Examples of some tangible goals include becoming debt free, traveling to particular locations, moving into a new home, freeing up your time by delegating, changing your mindset.

VISION

Once you know goals that are most important, you are ready to create a powerful visual representation of them.

Here are some guidelines for creating your board:

Get a ton of different magazines, newspapers, or books that are meaningful to your goals and that you can cut things out of. If you know you want to do a lot of travel, get travel magazines. If you know you want to remodel, you may want to pick up a couple of Better Home and Garden mags. Ask friends if they have any you can have and feel free to use free ones as well.

Pick up stickers. You can get beautiful stickers from a craft store like Michael’s They have a huge selection of all kinds of stickers, and they are themed. They have a section for wedding stickers, travel stickers, life stickers…you name it. You can also order them on Amazon and look up anything you want. You can also look up “vison boarding stickers”, and you’ll get a ton of motivational phrase stickers and positive statement stickers.

Look up images online or print personal pictures of yourself, your business, or your family. I open up a Word doc and paste images in it that make the board even more personal, and print and cut those out.  I recommend creating your goals as if they’ve already happened. Use words or photos like, “Mission accomplished! I made $300k this year.” as an example. 

Get a board that works for you. I strongly recommend using foam boards because they are thick and look lovely when you hang them, and they are very durable. I decided to use an old canvas I found that is ruined and can’t be painted on, but it can be glued on!

Creative elements. You can order letters if you want to create words, write on washy tape and stick that on adding a powerful phrase in pen that works for you. Use glitter, paint, markers or whatever medium feels right to you.

Personalize it and pepper in meaningful items. If you have something that is meaningful to you and feels lucky or positive, tape or glue it on! A coin, a piece of string, a piece of jewelry, a crystal…whatever makes you feel jazzed, inspired, and seems to carry some magic in it when it shows up in your life is a fine addition.

A few things to note 

Once everything is cut, consider the order / placement of your board. You want to create something that aligns with attracting what you want. For example, if I have two images next to each other and one says “joy” and the other says “eliminate” (meant for something else on the board), I might eliminate joy, and that would not be good. ???? So, just consider where you are placing things and how. You should feel into it and not think into it. Do your vison board in a calm headspace when you can tap into your intuition. That’s where the magic happens.

Use positive statements only. Avoid using negative statements like, “I won’t do this anymore.” That might accidentally attract the negative thing you don’t want. Instead, say, “I will do this.” and make it a positive statement for what you’d like to see instead.

Dream and get creative. This is supposed to be FUN. Your vision can be anything you want it to be, so make it amazing. Even if you think it’s a far out goal but you know you really want it, put it on there! Dream big!

Make it specific. If you want to lose weight, put a few stickers or images to represent “the how”. Add an image of a piece of exercise equipment or a photo of your gym and healthy food you’ll actually prep, or a class you’ll join during the year as examples.

Have fun with this exercise! I’d love to see what you come up with. Feel free to email me with a photo of it! :)

A Short Course on Dream Theories

DreamYou can read about dreams “till the cows come home” as we say in the South and not get to the end. Dreams are a Big Deal. You’ll find them in the Bible, in history, legends, and family stories. Dreams have shown the dreamer solutions to problems, new inventions, and scared us to death at the same time.

Start with the idea that dreams knock at your door to bring you a message. If you ignore the knock, the dream may knock louder until it gets your attention, perhaps in a nightmare. Even though, we’ve trained to see dreams as “just” a dream, the brain goes right on producing several every night. If you interrupt the dreams (crying babies, illness, partying late) the brain will create more the next night. Biology and psychology need dreams, it appears. T

Back to my metaphor of a dream knocking at your door—you ask, what do you want me to know? The dream unfolds the message. Sometimes it unfolds the messages in a series of dreams, much like chapters in a novel. You wouldn’t rip one page out of the novel and expect to know the whole story. Thus, the reason many people keep dream journals. A few words, a feeling, etc. can reconnect you to the dream.

There are many theories about dreams and just as many suggestions about how to understand them. And, they fall into categories, too.

Here are a few:

  1. The recurring dream. These dreams can start in childhood and continue for a long time, seemingly at random times.
  2. The Pre-Cognitive Dream: These dreams come true. Or, at least give you a dejavu experience.
  3. The continuing daydream: This dream continues the work you do during the day. You rake leaves all day and you dream of raking leaves.
  4. Death dreams – often comes to us when something needs to be put to rest.
  5. The “it was not a dream” experience – This dream usually involves seeing people who have died and they appear to us to tell us they are OK.
  6. The “what The heck?” Dream: This dream doesn’t make any sense to us. It is full of symbolism, metaphors, people, etc. that leaves us feeling it was a weird dream.

If you read Sigmund Freud’s book written in 1900, The Interpretation of Dreams, you would discover he thought all dreams were personal, from your unconscious, and were mostly about sex and aggression.  He thought dreams were like a 3-act-play in that there is a beginning or introduction of the problem, a middle, and an ending where the solution is delivered.

His colleague, Carl G Jung, has given us another view. He, too, could agree that dreams come from our own minds, but he added that some dreams tap into the Collective Unconscious, and we have dreams that are not of our own personal experiences but of historical and cultural knowledge. In other words, a there is a spiritual component to our dreams. Some Church or Christian groups have dream groups as much as they may offer prayer groups.

Both Jung and Freud and more modern theorists believe the story of the dream is not the meaning of the dream. We start with the story and investigate the words, feelings, numbers, colors, etc. In other words, it’s a puzzle and we are the mystery.

In Gestalt theory, we ask the dreamer to experience every aspect of the dream. For example, if the dreamer describes a road where lots of cars and people are traveling, you might ask the dreamer “what is it like to be the road? The travelers? The vehicles? All of that information tells a story.

Of course, dreams sometimes have a sense of humor. One person had recurring dreams about going into a house with a U-shaped porch. The floors on the inside of the house were covered in rugs that had rats running under them. She would wake up horrified. I suggested the dream introduced itself by saying this dream is about YOU.  And, since she had just married and blended their families, she referred to the children as rug-rats. It was simply a dream about the anxiety of how life had changed, with a twist of humor.

It could be if you “wake up on the wrong side of the bed”, it is a result of a lingering feeling from your last dream. Feelings are one thing about a dream that does not have to be interpreted. Anxiety is anxiety; wonder is wonder; fear is fear; and well, you get it.

Sweet dreams to you all.

Seven Simple Steps to Get Your Writing Up and Running

What's your personal anthemSo many people, including me sit down to write and feel stuck. Or, many people (including me), lament that we don’t have time to write. You may have something that’s been in your heart for a while, and you want to share it. But you keep thinking, “I’ll do it in my free time.”. I get it.

Here are some tips that I’ve learned along the way to help you be successful:

Step 1: Plan to write.

Think of project managers. They plan each step of a project. Otherwise, nothing gets done. Sure, spontaneous writing can still be a part of the writing but without a plan, it’s hit and miss.

Let go of ideas about having to “be in the mood” or being in a mountain cabin to write. That’s nice but not necessary. Plan it. Do it. In small steps. Maybe a page a day to start is enough.

Step 2:  Write an outline.

By outline, I mean just that. An outline of what you want to write. If you’re writing a self-help book, look at other self-help books and study the outlines of their books.  Name your chapters. They can always be changed. Just start.

Step 3: Write your crappy first draft.

It won’t be pretty. Don’t worry about grammar and punctuation now. Write each chapter or the whole story. That’s it. Tell yourself it’s okay if it’s rough or crappy.

Step 4: Rewrite the First draft.

Start with a fresh mind and read your draft. Take out what doesn’t work and add in what’s needed. That should be all you do that day.

Step 5: Edit your First Draft.

Congratulations. You already have a first draft of your story, book, play, poem, etc. Read through the entire manuscript, chapter by chapter. Does it flow? Do you make your points clear? How do you think your reader will feel when reading your book? Make notes then make changes.

Step 6: Let Go.

If you are looking to publish something, send your manuscript to a professional editor. Not a friend, although it is tempting. Once you are at this stage, it’s time to bring in a professional.

If you are writing something that you’d like to use in a class or in your life in some other way, but you don’t want  to publish it, ask a couple friends or family members to read it, and get their feedback.

If you are writing something just for you to get it off your chest, but it’s not for anyone else to see, you can skip this step.

Step 7: Do a final review.

Review the final draft of your manuscript. Read it through again. There can always be improvements, but you know when it is time to be Done. This is true whether you are writing something just for yourself to explore something or solve a problem or if you want to share it with the world.

Reviewing your writing can help you learn or see something new every time you read it back to yourself.

Whether you are off to the printer after this or on to whatever your next endeavor is after this exploration is done, best of luck to you!

If you think you’d like to explore with other people, sign up to get notified of when my live virtual writing retreat will be starting this fall!

You Don’t Need 8 Hours of Sleep to Have Sweet Dreams

Peaceful SleepNot for a lot of people! And, even if you don’t have insomnia, we all have sleepless nights from time to time. Just because you close your eyes doesn’t mean you will go to sleep, but we can’t go to sleep without our eyes closed, so… we try again and again for it to work. Why can’t you go to sleep? And, is it important if you miss sleep?

You’ve heard “8 glasses of water and 8 hours of sleep” is what we need. Maybe the water is true but not the sleep part. Research has shown that some people get by just fine with 7 or less hours of sleep per night. “Just fine” is defined as being able to be alert, rested, productive, and awake during the day.

Now, it is true that babies need lots of sleep and parents get concerned if they are not sleeping. When those babies grown to be teens, they do the same thing. Then, parents get concerned at the amount of time they spend sleeping. :D But age definitely matters when it comes to the amount of sleep we need.

The amount you need now can change. To learn how much sleep you need, keep a diary for the next week or two. Keep track of how many hours you think you slept and how alert you feel the next day. You can put a smiley or frowning face to indicate your mood.

You may have “sleep debt.” If you need 8 hours of sleep and get less (say 7 hours each night), after a week you’ve lost the equivalent of almost one night’s sleep. That’s how to measure your sleep debt. If this is your history, don’t be surprised how much it accumulates over a year. This may explain feeling fatigued, burning eyes, feeling grouchy or depressed, loss of focus and hungry for things you think will perk you up, like sugar, caffeine. Sleep debt has been linked to weight gain, high blood pressure, diabetes and more.

Determine what’s causing your sleep debt. Do you have Insomnia?  If you take more than 30 minutes to fall asleep and if you wake up during the night, can you get back to sleep? If this happens three or more times a week, you should get evaluated for Insomnia. There is treatment and it doesn’t have to turn you into a zombie or be addictive.

The good news: a night or two of poor sleep is common and most people bounce back by taking naps or sleeping in on the weekend.

What you can do is experiment with bedtime. Keep your wake-up time the same but move your bedtime back an hour for several days. If you’re still waking up tired and living by the coffee pot, move bedtime back 30 min.  until you hit your magic hour. You will know what the magic hour is when you wake up feeling refreshed and rested.

Make it easy to go to sleep. Lay off alcohol and caffeine. If you are worried, cope with it by doing mindful meditation, full body relaxation, or journaling. These are just a few techniques that can help you relax.

If these things don’t help, reverse the strategy. Go to bed one hour later than usual, so you make yourself more tired.

Still can’t sleep? Try these:

  1. breath counting exercises
  2. visualize yourself in a deck chair on a cruise ship in calm, sunny, soothing rocking
  3. Get up and leave the bedroom, do something else like reading.
  4. Take a warm bath just before you go to bed.
  5. Exercise during the day. Not night.
  6. Take a nap early in the day, such as a lunch time snooze.
  7. invest in a white noise machine.
  8. keep a sleep diary before going to see your doctor
  9. if you can’t turn your mind from negative to neutral thoughts, see a therapist for Cognitive Behavioral therapy.
  10. 10 Do something. Don’t let sleep debt ruin your health.

Who is the Thief Breaking Into Your Mind?

screamYou’d want to know if a thief broke into your house and if something was taken and it’s value, right? You’d have an emotional reaction. Perhaps you’d feel angry or sad, scared, or victimized. It would not be fair.

And, what would you do if the thief came every day? Same thief, always stealing something you value.

You wouldn’t put up with it. When a thief breaks into your mind, you have the same feelings you would have if your house were broken into, but you open the door for the mental thief. The thief makes themselves at home and wreaks havoc, stealing things from you.

The mental thief steals time and good intentions. Not only does the thief steal, they leave things in chaos. They leave signs and messages for you, mostly negative ones. The messages left behind sounds like, “You didn’t get it right.” or “You’re not ready to start.” Everyone has their own messages learned in early childhood when we were learning and we didn’t get it right, but we tried and we wanted to please and appease. You may not remember all the praise you received, but you surely remember criticism. Most of us remember the negative remarks and non-verbal messages, too like “the look” or in my case, the “ah-hem” said a certain way.

This foundation of working hard and trying to please is not entirely a negative trait. Who doesn’t want to do their best? But, when we examine the fragments, we see that perfectionism is a response to fear of being criticized or a triggered memory of being criticized. This “perfect child” part of our personality develops early, and it sticks like sticky paper. It’s hard to let go or wiggle free because we learned to depend on approval.

What did we learn? We learned to smile and to cover up how we really feel. We learned to be overly agreeable and worried about achieving an outcome that will please someone else. Ever see the painting of “The Scream?” Ever feel something other than the smile? When there is such a conflict, we get stuck, paralyzed, and we have a difficult time making decisions and solving problems.

This is an important remnant of our lives. Examine it. Ask yourself these questions: “What do I need…to be perfect or to be done? Do I need to hide behind a smile or accept my true feelings? A handy journal can capture the answers to these questions.

Putting things off in a hope of staving off criticism only makes the thief get louder. You tell yourself you know what to do and how to do it, and yet…the critical voice is your own, adopted as the voice you think will make you work harder.  But, it backfires.

Take out your handy journal and try this exercise:

  • Your reaction to this article.
  • What parts do you agree with?
  • Disagree with?What parts do you wish weren’t true
  • What purpose does your mental thief serve?
  • How can you close the door on this thief when you feel you are being robbed of forward progress?

Listen to the stories you are telling in your dreams.

Lucid dreamOnce upon a time, people began telling stories and we haven’t stopped. We spend our days telling them and listening to them from our favorite story tellers. News, podcasts, print, social media and books. We can’t get enough. We’re biologically and psychologically wired for stories. And, it doesn’t stop at night. Dreams come to tell us stories about ourselves and what we’re learning or how to understand our experiences.

If you’ve ever thought you were not creative, think again. Consider how effortlessly you create whole movies with sets, characters, plot, colors, and dialog. It just comes to you. So, yes, you are very creative. You wrote, directed, and starred in the story up to seven times every night. Aren’t you amazing?

There was a time when these were the stories (dreams) that people shared with others the next day. Decisions were made based on these stories. They were important. What happened? Who began saying “just a dream?” implying they were not anything?

Well, science has come full circle. Dreams are important. You are important. Your inner life is important. Technology can identify the regions of the brain that are active during dreaming. It is the same area of the brain that processes memories and emotions while we are awake. Life events can show up in your dreams over and over (recurring dreams) or bring us nightmares to get our attention.

Are you interested in your dream stories? Here are some ways to reap the benefits of your dream stories:

1. When you wake up, don’t jump up. Lie still with your eyes closed and concentrate on what you were just dreaming about. Don’t worry if you can’t remember everything. A word or two, a snippet of a scene will do. Then, write what you remember in your journal that you keep by your bed. It is not necessary that you “get” the story. Just as you wouldn’t open up a novel and read a random page, you wouldn’t expect to know what the novel is about. Your dream is like that. A page in your life. But over time, when you read more pages, you will see recurring themes, people, words, places, etc.

2. There are many books written on how to understand dreams. They are like cookbooks. They are only suggestions that may give you a hint at your dream’s meaning. Don’t take them as gospel. In fact, don’t take your dreams literally. Murdering or loving someone you know does not predict anything about them. The dreams are about you. Try free association to get at the real meaning. For example, in the case of murdering, what needs to change or be put to rest in your life? Loving someone that is taboo? What are the impressions you have of that person? The dream could mean you are longing to have a more social life or to show those aspects of your personality in your waking life.

3. You may have had a dream where you knew you were dreaming. These are called Lucid Dreams. We know that people can learn to use this type of dream to change the dream, the outcome of the dream. If the monster shows up in your dream, you can take charge and shrink it to the size of a toy or chase it away. This can reduce stress that comes from unresolved emotions, such as comes from traumatic events.

4. Since you create every aspect of your dream, you can imagine you are everything in the dream. It’s a Gestalt way of understanding dreams. For example, if you are driving a red car in your dream, you could ask yourself what it would be like to be a red car. Would you be seen more easily? Could you go fast? Are you afraid of something going too fast? And what would the road say? What’s it like to be driven over? Are you the driver or the passenger in the car? You can see how one memory of your dream serves to bring you information about your inner life that continues in your waking life, often unawares.

5. Imagine yourself sitting around the table (campfire) etc. and telling your dreams to others. What parts would you leave out? Why? We are secret story tellers, still. Once upon a time, the part you leave out may be the part that is most important. It still is. Unless you have a therapist or like-minded friends, it probably is best not to share them with just anyone. But, that doesn’t mean you have no way to understand your story. Your journal will become your friend. You could use your phone to record your dreams stories as well as the insights that pop into your mind during the day.

6. The best part and the hardest for a writer to write is the ending of a story. I still like the ones that end with “happily ever after” even though I’ve come to appreciate the novels that leave me hanging. That’s more like life, isn’t it? You may think you should make a decision, take action because a dream inspired you, like divorce, move away to a desert island, etc. Maybe but sit with that for a while. Ask yourself if you are taking this literally. Is it healthy, practical, or realistic? Don’t throw those ideas away. Remember, it was one page in your novel. What will the next chapter reveal?

Can you use some coaching or therapy help? 

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you create the life you truly want, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

Taking Cortisol Out of the Closet

Cortisol ImpactWhen I was a Master’s degree student, not much was mentioned about hormones. Sounds silly now because the counseling education now has become more integrated with neuroscience. Still, we overlook the impact of hormones in the psychological symptoms people experience.

Stress is a common experience that people report in a counseling session or a chat with friends. Stress does not discriminate. Age, race, gender, or job title. It’s still there. If we’re looking for Stress, we’ll find it hiding in plain sight among people with addiction, people worried about money, people who are away from family and feel homesick and people who are homeless with no one to help them. Students can’t concentrate, can’t remember because they are stressed. Old people too. It’s just different fear, but still they complain of forgetfulness and fear losing their mental abilities.

It doesn’t end there. There are thoughts that intrude, out of the blue. “Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the stove?” and “Does he/she still love me?”

There is no one “out there” asking these questions. We know that the brain is responsible for communicating with the body. So, when the brain senses external information from the environment, like having to take a test, it alerts the body about a perceived threat. This is good news, to some extent, because we need to get a boost of adrenaline, focus our attention, and get moving. Thoughts about the meaning of failing the test can create a life-or death belief about failing the test. This triggers the brain to send out signals to other bodily organs prompting the heart to speed up, the mouth to get dry, decrease hunger, dilate pupils, and the release of adrenaline or epinephrine.

If the nervous system is responsive, once the test has been taken and the student leaves the room, the nervous system slows down, heart rate returns to normal, pupils become normal and hunger returns.

But, what if something doesn’t work that way?  What if the stressor (the test, for example) is not present but the person reacts as if something is there?  What if we are living in a constant state of stress? Now, we get into the realm of learning more about the impact of thoughts, memory, imagination, beliefs, and perception. When a person experiences increased levels of stress, this translates to an increase of the stress hormone, Cortisol. This plays a major role is what comes to be known as Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Hives, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Insomnia, Muscle Tenseness, Headaches, Teeth Grinding, and more. When we are stressed, our body automatically stops focusing on boosting our immune system against other things, digesting our food, or any other “non-necessary” processes in that moment, so it can focus on handling “the immediate threat”.

The good thing is we know more about this cycle. We understand the immune system is compromised by stress and people catch more colds and viruses and stay sick longer. We also know we need Cortisol. Like salt sprinkled on our food throughout the day, we need a sprinkling of Cortisol throughout the body and a lot of it when we need to act quickly.

More good news: we can lower the level of unhealthy Cortisol. Here are some tips but know this is not everything and your medical doctor should always be consulted when you try something new.

1) Exercise. The recommendation is 30 to 60 minutes per day. But, anything counts. Pick something that fits your needs and physical abilities. As with most things, moderation is a good motto. Your Cortisol level will increase during exercise (what?). However, cortisol levels begin to decrease once exercise is complete.

2) Mindfulness. There are so many books, research articles, videos that you can learn all you want to learn about mindfulness practice with just a little effort. Mindful practices decrease activity in the stress response pattern and promote feelings of relaxation, calm, renewal.

3) Breathwork. You may recall when you are stressed your breathing is altered. We hold our breaths, breath very shallow, and feel like we can’t take a deep breath. Breathwork is practicing and learning about the way breath can affect cortisol, thus reduce stress. Diaphragmatic breathing and many other breath exercises puts you in more control of how you function and how you feel.

4) Thought Patrol. Hans Selye is credited with being the professor who pioneered stress research. One of his quotes is worth writing here. “It’s not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

Many therapeutic techniques, such as Cognitive Behavioral Theory, addresses the power of thoughts, particularly those that are crystal-ball thoughts or rooted in the past.

In summary, Cortisol exists for a reason, and it keeps us healthy and functioning well during life experiences. At the same time, it can get on the fast train and travel all over our bodies carrying the wrong messages or too many messages. If you learn about its role in your life, you can work toward helping yourself to have wellness instead of Stress.

If you’d like to work with me in therapy or coaching to work on the mental aspects of weight loss and stress management, I’d love to hear from you. We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

What’s Your Big Choice? 

Closed doors.Your world is not perfect. It is filled with humans and humans have the potential to do wonderful and equally terrible things.

If you look at your own life, you will see both. Everyone has possibilities for good and episodes that show us how frail, shameful and quickly our “dark side” shows itself.
Seeing as this is the “human condition”, it is likely we come across other people and situations that annoy or frustrate us. The fast-food lines that are not fast anymore, for example. Taxes. Need I say more?

People we love can and probably will frustrate or annoy us at some point because that’s just life.

This is where the BIG Choice comes in. Do we 1.) refuse to accept things as they are (our perception) or 2.) choose to leave things as they are and not put anymore energy into them.

Not much of a choice? Well, if we can accept “things” that are not in our control to change, we can be at peace with them. Acceptance is a powerful trait and spiritual practice. But, it is not always the answer we want to choose, is it? So, the other choice – do you commit to changing it? If we can’t commit to changing it and we can’t accept it – what’s left?

It feels like an internal tug-of-war and it makes us feel stuck or like a victim, and at the very least we whine and feel upset.

I don’t like Climate Change effects. I want it to stop. I have accepted things don’t change because I want them to or in my selected time frame. Can I commit to changing something in the hope it will prevent things from getting worse? I think so. I need to know more.

I also have to accept that Climate Change is not on the top of the list for other people. I wouldn’t say it is on the top of my list, but it is important. I could choose to spend my time blaming people for their choices. Again, our human condition is to blame others.

What can I accept and what can I do to change it despite obstacles and problems that will arise? That’s the Big Choice question for all our concerns. Think of how many situations where this question is applicable. Careers, relationships, finances?

In therapy, a good question to ask is “What are you willing to give up or change?” This could refer to habits, relationships, addictions that bring us to the place where we have to make a choice or risk living on in suffering.

Try writing this question down in a notebook and answering it for yourself.

What I’ve learned is, even if things don’t change in the way I wish they would, the effort of working on change can give you meaning and hope. Acceptance might be hard but also liberating. Can you accept another person just as they are without a wish to change them? Would you want that same acceptance from another?

Change it or accept it. Both good choices and full of other possibilities.

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you find peace and joy and create a life by design, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.