We’re approaching the time of year of excess, guilt and swearing to change next year. Learn from our lessons, right? Well, we probably can guess that it seems we don’t always learn, but that doesn’t mean we don’t learn what we need to know or what we need to do. It’s the last part about change that stumps us. We want to change, we really do. All good intentions to eat right, save money, quit smoking and on and on. Add your favorites to the list.

Statistics show that around 30 percent of people who want to change something in order to meet their goal, succeed no matter what method they try. They were going to quit anyway, no matter what. The rest of us have the same goals, but fail. Why? I believe, and research backs this up, that when we take a behavior out of context and focus on decreasing or increasing a behavior only, it cannot be separated from the rest of our lives. The change is short lived. Nutrition, stress, work schedules, emotional upsets, painful grief, memories, triggers and more all interact with the behavior. If you’ve ever eaten when you’re stressed and not hungry, you can relate to what I am saying. In other words, you are not a machine that can have a part removed without having any reaction to that change in lifestyle.

For example smoking serves a range of psychological functions, such as a way to regulate emotions or pain. Smoking can be one way people cope with negative life events, trauma or heightened emotions. Smoking represents something about the way we live our lives. When clients who smoke come for therapy, their smoking habit provides a window into the underlying problems they are having and how they are coping with these problems.

Since people vary, smoking is symbolic for multiple issues, such as the need to fit in, fear of feeling, fear of speaking the truth and just needing to feel better. We all know the price people pay for this choice. Not only are smokers taking life away from themselves, they put others in jeopardy with second-hand smoke. If you want to create a visual reminder of this fact, make a container for yourself and as many people as you love/live with. Draw a coffin on each jar. Each time you smoke, put money in each jar for the funeral expenses.

That’s a bit strong, isn’t it? And, I’ve just said, changing the behavior is not the best way to really quit this habit. So, check out my new e-course: “Up In Smoke.” It’s a holistic approach to change. Real change.