As a licensed professional therapist, I incorporate adoption work into my general practice. Most of the time couples are excited to adopt a child even though it is mentally exhausting.

Sometimes adoptive parents are afraid to talk about the challenging side of adoption because they are so grateful to be parents that they don’t want to “complain” about the negative aspects of the process. I’m here to tell families that it’s totally okay to be exhausted, scared, unsure, etc. and still be GREAT parents.

There are factors that make parenting a bit more stressful than regular parent stressors, such as adopting an older child or a special needs child. Some children arrive with a history of abuse and showing symptoms of Post Traumatic Disorder.

Then, you have regular family stressors like making sure a child is comfortable, well-adjusted, healthy, and feeling loved.

There is the added twist of when to tell a child he/she is adopted and how to tell the adoption story. You have to be prepared for “You’re not my real Mom.” stuff similarly heard from blended family children. This tends to happen when the children get older.

Then, we have family and cultural dynamics.

You’ve seen TV shows around adult children wanting to find birth parents and vice versa. Whether or not adoptive parents want to see their children or vice versa, there are always a mix of complex feelings for everyone involved in that situation.

There is an increase in lesbian and gay couples adopting children. That comes with its own set of societal challenges.

We’ve seen shifts in the counties US parents are adopting from. For a while, the trend was Asian children, then Russian children, then South American and Chinese children.  This sometimes has to do with regulations involving permission to adopt the child. This can be a very difficult process. Sometimes, the adoption process can take months (or even years) even though an adoptive couple knew they were going to adopt a child before it was born. There is a lot of red tape. In the meantime, a child can be kept in the horrid conditions of an orphanage in a dangerous part of a foreign country. This leaves a physical and mental impact on the children and adoptive parents that has to be dealt with once the process is complete.

We’ve learned that introducing the adopted child’s culture is important. The Little Couple (a TV show documentary series, which follows two little people who adopted two kids that were little people from different countries) educates us about how understanding and experience helps their children. Their little boy is from China and their little girl is from India. The visited China to introduce their won, Will, to their own culture and will soon schedule a trip to India to introduce their daughter to her culture.

We know more about Attachment Disorder in adoption population of all ages.  They are probably going to have some issues with abandonment no matter how well-adjusted they are in their new family. There is a lot of stress for everyone. For people who work with agencies, there are home studies and inspections and endless evaluations. In private adoptions, the birth parents can change their mind or even take the child back. It’s a lot to prepare for and understand.

A counselor can help couples work on dealing with stress and keep their relationship healthy. In fact, I can’t imagine a family going through this process without counseling assistance at some point.

It is okay to admit that this process is daunting but it’s worth it because of the result. It’s okay for the family to need ongoing counseling and support for a healthy family and home. Please talk about your fears and challenges and get help when you feel overwhelmed. Or, if you know a family on this journey, please share this with them.

If you feel stuck and need a sounding board to help you plan,you can schedule a consultation here.  You may also contact me at 601-684-9657 or e-mail me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net