Actors develop this skill to new heights. Sounds like fun? Most actors call it work. They have to study a character’s way of talking, walking, style, accent, expressions, emotions — well, everything about that imagined person. Then, they present a performance that seems real and memorable to us. He/she enacts a character’s body not so much to imitate but to feels as though their own body is living differently in a special world (stage or movie). If they flub up, the director will say they are “out of character.”

All this work/fun takes a toll on an actor’s sense of self and identity. We don’t think much about it, but losing one’s self in a stage character can be jarring. The actor has to suddenly come back to the real world, and it can take some time to adjust to who they really are. A role can even permanently change the actor by forcing him/her to think differently than they did before it.

We are all actors. We all play a role in life. We learned the part in our families growing up.

But it may be time to learn a new part and be the star in a different show.

In therapy, we urge our clients to become their “authentic selves” rather than their “conditioned selves”. In other words, we want you to develop and express your true nature, likes/dislikes, personality, and real preferences. We want you to do what you really wanted before you were told who to be like, what to do, what to think, how to act.

Often this feeling of not being true to oneself is what brings a person to therapy. They may feel conflicted or depressed. If they become who they really are, they believe it will disappoint family and peers. Perhaps they are right. An actor describes how each step of putting on stage makeup creates his character. He said, he “would look in the mirror and wait until he came and was looking back at me.”

Compare that to times you know you are not being genuine.  Maybe you have a job that requires you to act a certain way. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but you do feel the difference when you come home and drop that role by the door, don’t you? . Any time you look in the mirror and feel like you are seeing someone else’s life instead of yours, you are not being your authentic self. You know what I’m talking about, right?

Some people rebel and become the complete opposite just to assert themselves.  Others continue to live the lives imposed by parents and peers but with an uneasy feeling that this is not their true self. They have taken on a role that is lived out in the stage of their environment. This takes a toll.

To learn more about your authentic self, visualize yourself at a movie theater. The music plays, a curtain comes up on the screen, and there you are: a star. Only this time, the actress is made up to look like you.  She has studied the genuine and authentic you. She knows how you would sound. How you would walk, what you would enjoy talking about, what your imagined life would look like and it’s all there for you to see.  If she gets it right, how do you feel? If she “flubs up” how is she out of character?

On the stage of life, you are the director, the actor and, at times, the audience. Make it a great show!