Choosing the Right People In Your Life is Like Coming Home

joseph-pearson-310899-unsplashIt’s hard to think of something that is not made better when enjoyed with others who love you. It’s like coming home. Or, if home is not so inviting, think of coming home to a place where it’s refreshing and you feel wonderful to be there.

Sharing your thoughts and ideas flows easily with these people, and you feel safe. You don’t have to think or worry about what you say because you know they love you for who you are, and they embrace whatever you share.

You may often think about each other at the same time and pick up the phone to call them and send a text only to hear that they were thinking of you too.

You are “in sync” with these people in your life. You may even feed off each other’s energy to attract even more synchronicity.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had that relationship with everyone we interact with?

Your favorite people can boost you up and other not-so-favorite people can put that little black cloud over your head leaving you feeling awful and depressed, right? You know who they are. Compare the two groups: one makes you feel more motivated to try new things and the other group dishes out doubt about what you can be and do. These people can be found in your social media groups, too.

You can choose. You can choose something new.

In the next couple of days, become aware and notice how people impact you. How do you feel after spending time with people and groups you are involved in? Scan your body to identify tension, feelings of heaviness, depression, lightness, relaxation or nothing at all. Do your thoughts change? Is there something you won’t say to some people because you know they will tell you it’s wrong? Like I said, you have a choice.

Being aware is part of the choice. If you can identify who stirs up a down feeling, note it but don’t buy into it. Choose friends and make new ones that lighten your mood. They make it fun to share ideas and dreams.

You’ll love being a part of a group or having friends that are positive. Another side of yourself will start showing up in life. And when you do this, you’ll be amazed by the positive ways synchronicity shows up in your life.

Here’s my invitation: practice awareness and check your responses to different people. You may want to choose new friends who support you. It’s allowed. You have permission!

Your muse with the purple glasses.

3 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Into Productivity Mode

1-3 Reasons Why We Can't Get Into Productivity Mode-image 2Whether you are at work or at home, there’s always something productive you can be doing. But some days, you may find it difficult to get into your normal work rhythm even when you know you need to. You may feel distracted and struggle to focus on your tasks. You may experience headaches or dizziness. You might also be feeling fatigued.

Instead of giving up and watching Netflix for the next few hours, it can helpful to check in with your body. When you stop to check in with yourself, you may find that a simple fix is all that’s required for getting back into your normal productive mode.

Here are three things that can disrupt your natural work flow:

Your body is hungry. When you’re hungry, it’s hard to think things through and that makes decision making difficult. That’s why it’s important that you take time to nourish your body. You wouldn’t set out on a road trip with an empty gas tank so don’t expect your body to perform at its very best when you’re denying it much needed fuel.

You can easily remedy this situation by getting something to eat. But steer clear of sugary snacks. They may give you a temporary burst of energy but that energy will be gone within a couple of hours, leaving your body just as hungry as before. Instead, try to opt for healthier snacks that contain plenty of protein like a handful of nuts or a serving of lean chicken breast.

Your thoughts are scattered. You go to work on one project but get distracted by another one. Then you decide to check your email and catch up on your social media updates. Before you know it, you have twelve different activities open on your screen.

When this happens, you might be experiencing a lack of focus. You have so many ideas and tasks that you don’t know where to start working. In this case, it’s best to pause and make a list. Write down everything you need to accomplish today or this week. Then prioritize these projects by numbering them. Your most important task should be number one so after you’re finished with your list, start there.

Your body is exhausted.There are many things that can cause you to feel exhausted besides a lack of sleep. Emotional stress, illness, chronic pain, and other problems can deplete your energy. When you’re exhausted, it’s hard to work on your business.

The best way to tackle exhaustion is to practice self-care. Look at your life and ask yourself what you really need right now. You might need a day off. You might need a sitter to help watch your kids while you work.

You might need to let go of stressful clients or remove projects that aren’t a good fit for your talents. Don’t hesitate to give yourself what you need. If you take good care of yourself, you’ll find it easier to nurture your business.

It’s important that you take time to check in with your mind and body a few times each day. When you do this regularly, you’ll begin to notice your body’s rhythms and be able to plan your work around them.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE WORKBOOK THAT ACCOMPANIES THIS ARTICLE AND FIND OUT WHAT’S STANDING BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PRODUCTIVITY. 

Live Your Life Boldly! Spring Into Action.

designBritish adventurist Sir Ranulph Fiennes has been called the world’s greatest living explorer. He’s navigated some of the world’s most challenging and inhospitable places on earth including trekking the Antarctic and both North and South Poles, unsupported and on foot.

When he was in his 60’s, Fiennes decided to overcome a severe fear of heights by climbing Mt. Everest. On his second attempt, hundreds of feet short of the summit, he suffered severe chest pains. It was night time, and he was dangling from a rope on a near vertical ice wall at 29,000 feet above the ground. Frozen and in pain, he turned around and somehow managed to descend. He lived to tell the tale, running a marathon a mere 16 weeks after his near fatal heart attack.

When it comes to facing your fears, how daring are you? Do you turn tail and head in the opposite direction? Do you waver and hope the feeling passes? Or, do you, like Fiennes, stand firm and always face your fears head on?

Picture what your life would look like if you consistently faced off against your fears, both big and small, with the fearlessness of someone like Sir Ranulph Fiennes. What would it feel like to boldly stare down and confront your fears,,never letting them interfere with what you want to accomplish? Imagine what you could achieve if you never again let fear get in your way.

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” C. Joy Bell C.

For example, fear can make us hesitate, procrastinate, experience creative blocks, and be averse to risk. All of this can lead to low accomplishment, which can cause stress. That stress can lead to cognitive impairment, an increased risk of heart disease, premature aging, relationship conflicts, depression, and more – and a cycle of fear is born. That cycle can leave us feeling like we’re just going through the motions of life without really living.

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune most of which never happened.”
Michel de Montaigne

The remedy for our childhood fear of monsters lurking under the bed was to shine a light into the darkness. Once we did, it revealed the truth – there were no monsters. Once we shine the light of truth at what scares us, we often discover our fears to be unfounded.

Remember there is nothing to fear but fear itself and, if you’ve been living in fear, it’s time to spring into action in your life!

If you would like more specifics on how to overcome your fears, read my tips about that in my article below “How to Overcome Your Fears”.

Make Your Inner Child Your Valentine

hold-th-hand-of-that-the-lives-in-your-soul-23397596What I feel in my body does not match how I feel in my mind. It comes as a shock to let the number of my age surface to consciousness. How can this be? I still feel like I’m 18 years old some days.

Sure, I know I’ve transitioned though many developmental stages and my body has changed, but it seems my spirit is still young-at-heart.

Wayne Dyer used to say he would never let an old person into his body. What he meant was determining not to “think old.”

We all want to stay young and vibrant, so make your inner child your valentine this year and it could change how you feel about everything in your life.

Here are a few tips to keep a young-at-heart attitude despite the number of candles on your cake this year!

1. Have a happy childhood (even if you didn’t). Watch children playing and notice how totally involved they are in what they are doing; running everywhere they go. They have no idea of what they will face in their future lives. You were once like that too. Now, recapture the feelings of wide-eyed excitement, experience fully spontaneous awe of everything alive. Cut loose.
I recently was called to evaluate a 96-year-old woman who said she was depressed and thinking about death. Not to be unfeeling, but I told her to give herself permission to cut loose, live it up and have fun.

2 Laugh every day, particularly when someone asks the impossible from you. For example, your boss wants over the moon from you. Slap your knee and laugh while saying, “He wants me to do 10 hours work on my lunch hour!” Of course, you won’t do 10 hours work on your lunch hour, but you will do what you can with a better attitude.

Sometimes, I feel like giving this advice to couples (but I don’t). Slap your knee and laugh while saying “I’ve gone and married someone the exact opposite of me! (again) I’m spending all this time trying to make him/her into a clone of myself as though he’s made of play dough. Give it up, girl.”

3. Say yes! If you ask a young child if they can do something like drive or cook an egg, they will say they can and believe it. Somewhere in our growing up people tell us we can’t do things. Then, we believe them and carry on the conversation in our heads. This is frequently called “the critic”, especially if you are a writer.

So, catch yourself before you say “no” to your dreams. Try, “Probably”. Or “Sure!”

Feeling young-at heart yet?

No, you still can’t jump on the bed. Well, maybe just this once.

DON’T Set Goals in 2019. Do this instead.

originalHere we are again.  It is a new year with a wide horizon of dreams for you to choose from. What are your dreams for this year? Notice, I did not ask you what goals you set. I don’t have anything against goals but I think the dream comes first. Within the dream the pathways appear to reach your dream.

For the first time in a loooong time, I have purposely not set the same tired goals: lose weight, earn more money, clean my house, etc.  Why?

I’d love to have them but I heard another therapist say that we (therapists) should not accept our client’s setting a goal to lose weight because we know from all the research, people suffer, fail, and end up feeling worse.

However, when it is stated as something to gain, like: “Become healthier, fit and strong.” Or “I’m in control of my choices.”, we are more successful in achieving it. Instead of a goal, let’s examine our true motivation.

Then, we’re not tied to an outcome around money and pounds. If happiness is measured by how much, we never have enough. Who want’s that?
So, I’m dropping the goal of losing weight and adding more of other things like acceptance of who I am and gratefulness.

I might decide, instead, that I want to avoid emotional eating this year and accept my weight for what it is right now knowing I want to make some healthy choices and see where it takes me.

It’s freeing. =)

Happy New Year and Last Chance to Receive a Seed in the Mail

Happy-New-Year-2019Happy Holidays!

I’ve really enjoyed mailing seeds to those of you who are reaching out to me. What seeds are you planting in your life and work in 2019?

This is the last chance to let me know if you’d like me to mail you a seed. No strings attached. See the info below if you you’d like one. =) 

You can use your seed as a symbol of positive things you’ll plant for yourself in 2019 or simply grow something that creates joy for you in your home or place of business.

Happy New Year to you! I wish you a wonderful, abundant 2019!! “See” you on the other side! 

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daniel-hjalmarsson-269425-unsplashWe are caught in a flurry of activity around the holidays, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming.

On top of that, it’s cold outside and life is dying around many of us in the country during this time of year. Plants and animals go dormant, and that can make us feel less than lively ourselves.

What better to combat the “busy” with a bit of mindfulness and experiencing the wonder of watching something come to life! Allow yourself the opportunity to wonder.

Rumi, the famous Persian poet said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Plant and observe a seed. Watch the emerging little sprout demonstrate the wonder of the beginning of life.No one knows how all this works. It’s a creative spark of life in the universe.

If you’d like a seed, here’s what to do:

1.) Send me an email at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with your name and address.
2.) Write ” Seed” in the topic line. It’ s as easy as that. :)

I’ll send you one (not going to tell you what kind of seed it is!). It”ll be surprise. You’ll find out when it starts to come to life.

This offer is available from now until December 31, 2018.

Experience the Magic of a Seed – A Free Gift to You

daniel-hjalmarsson-269425-unsplashWe are caught in a flurry of activity around the holidays, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming.

On top of that, it’s cold outside and life is dying around many of us in the country during this time of year. Plants and animals go dormant, and that can make us feel less than lively ourselves.

What better to combat the “busy” with a bit of mindfulness and experiencing the wonder of watching something come to life! Allow yourself the opportunity to wonder.

Rumi, the famous Persian poet said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Plant and observe a seed. Watch the emerging little sprout demonstrate the wonder of the beginning of life.No one knows how all this works. It’s a creative spark of life in the universe.

If you’d like a seed, here’s what to do:

1.) Send me an email at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with your name and address.
2.) Write ” Seed” in the topic line. It’ s as easy as that. :)

I’ll send you one (not going to tell you what kind of seed it is!). It”ll be surprise. You’ll find out when it starts to come to life.

This offer is available from now until December 31, 2018.

The Taboo at the Holiday Table – Grief, Love, and the Holidays

Grief Concept Clipped Cards And LightsDifficulty is all around us. For some, it’s concentrated to one area of life — like a challenging task or difficult relationship — and for others, it seems to pervade every area of life — like when we are depressed or have sickness in the family.

And sometimes even just starting any day can be a challenge.

Holidays present challenges. It may be the first year without a loved one. It may be that you are anticipating someone else’s or your own death. This is called anticipatory grief.

There are other challenges for millions of people at holiday times that are bound to secrecy and anger or shame. Warning! I’m going deep here for a minute.  Imagine sitting at the dinner table with a family member who molested you as a child. Imagine being the person who is the black sheep of the family who cannot forget the humiliation from numerous mistreatments.  Their feelings are valid, and there is nothing taboo about feeling.

Of course, despite this, holidays are tinged with happiness and a sense of magic. It is true that we can have a mixture of feelings.  There’s no right way. You may find comfort in being with lots of family. You may want to skip the holiday this year and do something different or nothing at all.

You may wonder who you are without your loved one. Our identity seems blurred. But, just like the story in “It’s a Wonderful Life” you have a place in the world. You matter. You touch people. You don’t have to feel happy but we all know nothing stays the same.

Here are 4 tips for finding your way back to happiness:

1.) If you have a loved one who has passed on, create a loving memory list about your loved one (person or animal). I suggest doing this alone when you will not be disturbed but I can imagine a family doing this together too. Think of the person you have lost and pay attention to your feelings. When you are ready, begin writing memories of that person. Jot your words down quickly; sketches of memories. When you have a list, go back and add in as much detail as you can. For example, “we were sitting on the porch during a rain storm in June…”. At the end of the list, write “Thank you.”

2.) Remember you are not a machine or a robot. You are human and we can have powerful emotions, sometimes even overwhelming. Discovering a movie, song, story, poem or piece of art that exudes a sense of empathy that lets you know others have felt as you do makes us feel less alone. Play music and sing or hum along.

            “One thing you can’t hide—is when you’re crippled inside.” —John Lennon

3.) If routine and tradition bring you comfort, don’t reinvent the wheel. If you want to “take a break” from tradition this year, do it. If you want to do something completely different this year, have fun. Use this quote as a mantra: “It always seems impossible until it is done.” ~Nelson Mandela

4.) Talk to someone who will let you vent and not tell you what to do or what they would do.

Free Yourself From Chronic Fear

Sleigh FearDo you have a story or vision of yourself / your life that you’ve never lived out but you’ve always wanted to?

What holds you back?  Could it be one of the four reasons listed below?

1. Is your fear relevant? Does it make sense? Maybe you can tone it down. Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

2.  Leave yourself some room to come to your own conclusions about your life. Maybe you’ve been afraid to write that book, but now you realize that ‘s not what you really want to do but you’ve been afraid to admit it to yourself. We can change our minds.

3. Besides you, does anyone care about your fears? I can tell you, the answer is yes. I say that because people relate to the stories we tell. This is true even about scary stuff. Sharing your story/vision about your feelings on ____ (fill in the blank) in a story, poem, or conversation is a quick way to change the feeling because there will be someone who understands.

4. Is your soul shining through your fears? If you have a fear of doing something that you feel you need to do, want to do, and have a passion for and you want it really badly, but it’s stopped by fear of “what if”, that’s tragic.

There are two voices competing for your mind. One is the internal critic voice and the other is your champion voice. The critic is demanding and impedes your progress and weakens your resolve. If the internal critic is stronger, you will feel overwhelmed, fearful, and hopeless.

The good news: you can take away the critic’s power.

Here are some tips:

1. Keep other’s opinions of your dreams/work in the category of “not personal.” People have different tastes. So what?!

2. Remember, fear of success can bring up other fears, such fear of resentments from others. That’s not for you to plan your life around.

3. If you receive feedback see it as just that – feedback. It may be constructive, encouraging, or spark your internal critic.

4. Develop a process to deal with fears.

  • Do it in chunks. If you want to write, do it in 10-minute chunks. Start exercising? 10 minute chunk of time. Looking to move? Search real estate 10 minutes a day.
  • If your mind goes blank, just write or type XXX and keep going.
  • Write a note to yourself each evening about what you want to start with tomorrow. Your brain will create solutions during the night.