Category Archives: Living with Intentionality

Simmering in Distractions

“Shut up, shut up, I’m busy.” were the last words radioed by the captain of the Titanic before it hit the iceberg and sank. He was warned. The ship sank because of his distraction.

How many things do you miss because of distraction? Health changes? Relationship secrets? It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time for this.” and return to your cell phone, tablets, TV shows, and so on. No wonder it is hard for people to slow down and enjoy silence or the sounds of nature or looking at the starry skies.

Rumi, the great Persian poet of old, gave this advice in a poem: “Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof.” Do you feel the warning in his words? Is it necessary to do it all at once? Can you drive without texting? Can you enjoy conversation with friends without looking at your watch or getting anxious about your to-do plan for the day? Can you enjoy reading or allowing creativity to emerge in verse, art, words, landscaping, beauty?

Research proves multi-tasking is not as effective as mindful attention to one thing at a time. Technology has changed our lives for better and for worse.

Just wait until Artificial Intelligence moves into your home! I am not advocating against technology. I am suggesting we “simmer” with it and learn to keep the distractions to a minimum while we live an authentic, creative life.

Need a start? Try these antidotes:

1.) Notice the behavior (ie; urge to text at work/driving)
2.) Try something different (ie; hum/sing)
3.) Commit to practicing that new behavior until it becomes natural

There is no need to fall off the roof. Sit and simmer with your thoughts and relationships. Hopefully, you will not be too busy to miss the iceberg.

Using a Vison Board to Plan Your Goals

Vision boarding is one of my favorite ways to dream and attract what I want more of into my life.

What is a vision board?

The basic definition of a vision board is a visual manifestation of your goals. So, in order to create a vision board, you have to know what your goals are first!

GOALS

You have to do some deep work and plot out your goals prior to the vision boarding. Deciding on your goals and creating the visual representation of them are really two totally different exercises, and the goals have to come first.

That said, you don’t necessarily need to create a board for ALL your goals right away. If that feels too big, pick just 3 things. They could be how you want to feel, what you want to do, or a combo of both. Your goals don’t have to be perfect, and you may identify more as you work on the visual, but you at least need a few basics.

Examples of some tangible goals include becoming debt free, traveling to particular locations, moving into a new home, freeing up your time by delegating, changing your mindset.

VISION

Once you know goals that are most important, you are ready to create a powerful visual representation of them.

Here are some guidelines for creating your board:

Get a ton of different magazines, newspapers, or books that are meaningful to your goals and that you can cut things out of. If you know you want to do a lot of travel, get travel magazines. If you know you want to remodel, you may want to pick up a couple of Better Home and Garden mags. Ask friends if they have any you can have and feel free to use free ones as well.

Pick up stickers. You can get beautiful stickers from a craft store like Michael’s They have a huge selection of all kinds of stickers, and they are themed. They have a section for wedding stickers, travel stickers, life stickers…you name it. You can also order them on Amazon and look up anything you want. You can also look up “vison boarding stickers”, and you’ll get a ton of motivational phrase stickers and positive statement stickers.

Look up images online or print personal pictures of yourself, your business, or your family. I open up a Word doc and paste images in it that make the board even more personal, and print and cut those out. I recommend creating your goals as if they’ve already happened. Use words or photos like, “Mission accomplished! I made $300k this year.” as an example.

Get a board that works for you. I strongly recommend using foam boards because they are thick and look lovely when you hang them, and they are very durable. I decided to use an old canvas I found that is ruined and can’t be painted on, but it can be glued on!

Creative elements. You can order letters if you want to create words, write on washy tape and stick that on adding a powerful phrase in pen that works for you. Use glitter, paint, markers or whatever medium feels right to you.

Personalize it and pepper in meaningful items. If you have something that is meaningful to you and feels lucky or positive, tape or glue it on! A coin, a piece of string, a piece of jewelry, a crystal…whatever makes you feel jazzed, inspired, and seems to carry some magic in it when it shows up in your life is a fine addition.

A few things to note

Once everything is cut, consider the order / placement of your board. You want to create something that aligns with attracting what you want. For example, if I have two images next to each other and one says “joy” and the other says “eliminate” (meant for something else on the board), I might eliminate joy, and that would not be good. ???? So, just consider where you are placing things and how. You should feel into it and not think into it. Do your vison board in a calm headspace when you can tap into your intuition. That’s where the magic happens.

Use positive statements only. Avoid using negative statements like, “I won’t do this anymore.” That might accidentally attract the negative thing you don’t want. Instead, say, “I will do this.” and make it a positive statement for what you’d like to see instead.

Dream and get creative. This is supposed to be FUN. Your vision can be anything you want it to be, so make it amazing. Even if you think it’s a far out goal but you know you really want it, put it on there! Dream big!

Make it specific. If you want to lose weight, put a few stickers or images to represent “the how”. Add an image of a piece of exercise equipment or a photo of your gym and healthy food you’ll actually prep, or a class you’ll join during the year as examples.

Have fun with this exercise! I’d love to see what you come up with. Feel free to email me with a photo of it!

Nurturing Grit

Where does Grit come from? What is it? Do you want it?

One would think that children who were intelligent (I Q) and were socially intelligent (EQ) would do the best in school. Not always. Predictors of success in school and in life turn out to be Stamina, Passion, Persistence, in other words, Grit.

Every college teacher knows that students come into the classroom with a diverse educational background and a reason to succeed at succeeding or succeed at failing. Either way, they work hard. I remember my surprised when I learned that students from church schools taught by uneducated teachers competed well against their peers who were taught at private or public schools with trained educators. The difference between them was the church schooled students didn’t know as much as the others but they would go find the answers. They were willing to do the work. They wanted to learn more than play. I didn’t know what to call this then but now I would say they had “Grit.” They didn’t give up just because they didn’t know the answer.

There is a lesson to learn.

Whatever your gift, if you don’t take the time to ____________ (fill in the blank) write, exercise, etc. chances are you won’t end up with what you desire. You’ve heard that writers should write every day whether you feel like it or not. My meditation teacher, Jon Kabat Zinn, told us we should meditate every day whether we wanted to or not. Show some grit and do the thing you know you should do.

You will have setbacks. That’s the point. Don’t stop or give up. Find a hero who succeeded after rejection letters, failed attempts and still kept going. Pay homage.

Your day will get busy. Your attention collapses into that of a gnat. That’s why you should write, exercise, do chores, or work early in the day before email, phone calls, and daily routines steal you away from your goals. Plan your creative time as though you were meeting a lover because you are. Fall in love with your desires, your work, or your art. That’s Grit, too.

None of us have to re-invent the wheel to let our light shine. Read about others, adapt their advice and apply it to your life. You will soon feel more confident. If you put in the work and show up for your life and what motivates you, you’ll get better at whatever you are doing or learning. That is Grit, too.

A Short Guide to a Happy Life By Anna Quindlen

I’m sharing this great summary of James Clear’s book “A Short Guide to a Happy Life” because I think she does a great job of summing it up. This is one of my favorite books.

The Book in Three Sentences:
The only thing you have that nobody else has is control of your life. The hardest thing of all is to learn to love the journey, not the destination. Get a real life rather than frantically chasing the next level of success.

Key Ideas:
This is a list of key ideas that I recorded while reading the book. These notes are informal and include quotes from the book as well as my own thoughts.

The only thing you have that nobody else has is control of your life. You job, your day, your heart, your spirit. You are the only one in control of that.
“Show up. Listen. Try to laugh.”
“You cannot be really good at your work if your work is all you are.”
“Get a life, a real life. Not a manic pursuit of the next promotion.”
“Turn off your cell phone. Keep still. Be present.”
“Get a life in which you are generous.”
“All of us want to do well, but if we do not do good too then doing well will never be enough.”
“Knowledge of our own mortality is the greatest gift God gives us.” It is so easy to exist rather than to live… Unless you know a clock is ticking.
We live in more luxury today than ever before. The things we have today our ancestors thought existed for just the wealthy. And yet, somehow, we are rarely grateful for all this wealth.
The hardest thing of all is to learn to love the journey, not the destination.
“This is not a dress rehearsal. Today is the only guarantee you get.”
“Think of life as a terminal illness.”
“School never ends. The classroom is everywhere.”

3 Reasons to Read This Book

You need a reminder of why you should be grateful for the life you live.
You need a reminder of why it is important to live a balanced life.
You want to be inspired and you like short books.

The link is here in case you want to snag it (and no I’m not being paid to review or promote the book).

10 Tips to Help You Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night seems basic, right? We already know we should do it, but this is one of those things that is simple but not easy. I have 10 easy tips to help you prepare yourself for a restful night.

1. Make a plan to stop caffeine intake after a certain time. It’s different for everyone. Some people have no caffeine after 7 p.m. Others choose an earlier time. Try experiments to really know what works for you based on how caffeine affects you. Don’t give up.

2. At the end of your work day, review your calendar for the next day. Identify two tasks you will do tomorrow.

3. Take your shower or bath before bed instead of the next morning.

4. If you have children, plan or pack their snacks and make arrangements for rides, appointments.

5. Even if you are working for home, choose what you will wear tomorrow. It makes decisions easier.

6. Do what you tell the kids to do. Put away your electronic devices an hour before bedtime. No cheating.

7. Tidy up your kitchen or work space.

8. Spray or diffuse lavender scent in your bedroom. Lavender is associated with calm feelings in our brain. We use it to help babies fall asleep, too.

9. Read for a few minutes. If you don’t like to read, color or draw. It’s a nice time to write in your journal. Write down the things you are grateful for or enjoyed that day.

10. Dim your lights before turning them off.

Bonus Tips

1 Prepare your breakfast items, measure out the coffee before bedtime.

2. End phone calls at least thirty minutes before bedtime. They are often whining or complaining calls. Instead watch something funny or mindless before bed. Laughter is good medicine.

3. Review what went right that day. Let everything else go.

Can you use some coaching help?

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

2 Ways to Identify Your True Interests

When you find your interest, you will sit like a cat watching a mouse hole.

Life has changed for most of us. We spend a lot of time wanting to get back to “normal” which is the past and will always be our past. It seems to be human nature to think about the past when we experience change. When we are sick, we want to be well. When we are not working, we want to work. When we are not in school, we want to go to school, etc.

I get it. In fact, I have studied it and understand the way it works. Can you see how it distracts us from being present in the moment?

People say they can’t think straight. I’m not sure what they mean but I think they are saying they don’t have a goal or focus of attention. They don’t have an identified interest which could anchor their thoughts. It feels like popcorn thinking. Pop! I need to get online. Pop! My hair needs cutting. Pop! I haven’t checked my email. Pop! Do I have enough money? Pop! Pop! Pop!

Stop the pop!

Read these suggestions slowly and out loud.

1. Identify your interests. If you can’t think of any, keep reading.

Interests. Not a fancy word but a powerful word. Interests are things that bring you pleasure, motivate you to think and take action. Interests tend to fall by the wayside when we spend our lives working and vegging out in front of a TV or phone. We say we don’t have time. But, we do. Take the time you have and focus on your interests.
If you say you don’t have any interests, think back to childhood. What did you like to play? What was your favorite toy? What is the grown-up version? If you watch TV, is there a favorite show that sparks your interests in some way? Although, we don’t want to rely on someone or something to dictate our interests, even if you have a million channels to choose from, you’re not interested in all of them. We choose a few.

In the same way, you don’t have to have a million interests. A few will do as long as it is YOUR interest and not your child’s interest or your friend’s interest. Your mind tunes in and will show you your interests.

Try this: Take a walk with a friend and see what you/friend notice. It won’t be the same. One will notice colored rocks and the other birds. Our brains are different. Sure, we can switch our focus but are we interested in doing that? I can help my friend look for colored rocks, but I am not interested enough to make it my hobby.

But, a seed could be planted so that in a year or two, I start noticing colored rocks and collecting them. Things and interests change. Some interests never change. They last a lifetime. My father was interested in airplanes. I have his grade school textbook. He drew airplanes all through the book. As a young man, he took flying lessons and loved it but his mother, after losing her other son, was so scared he would crash and die that he gave it up. He would go to airports and watch the planes land and take off. He watched war movies featuring planes. His interest in airplanes lasted all his life.

2. Imagine a teen-ager playing video games. Their focus is intense, like a cat looking at a mouse hole. You have this in you, too. Spend some time every day sitting like a cat looking at a mouse hole. That means focusing on your interest, expecting an outcome, not leaving or abandoning your interest.

Exercise:

Use this writing prompt to explore your interests.
I used to be interested in…..
Now, I am interested in…

Can you use some coaching help?

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

5 Ways to Have the Good Life

I doubt you would go on vacation without a destination and a map. You would make plans. You would be successful in reaching your destination. You can accomplish something similarly with daily, monthly, and yearly goals.

If your definition of “the good life” is something thousands of other people have already achieved, and you are not pleased with your progress, review your strategies. Something’s missing or you’ve gotten lost in the swamp of everyday distractions. If you’re working hard and not getting the results you deserve, STOP! Step back. Re-calculate. You need a better plan!

You don’t have to aim to be the best at something or even what you or other people consider “successful”. Choose what would make YOU feel successful, satisfied, or happy.

When people are truly happy and living a good life, they have done certain things to get there. For the most part, the things they do are simple, ordinary things we all can do.

Here’s a short list of 5 to use as your map to destination good life.

1.) Find the courage to choose specific, concrete goals. You can’t have or do everything, so make choices from your bucket list. If you can’t make a choice, try creating a vision board. The act of putting a vision board together could help you get more clear. Learn more about creating a vision board.

2.) Focus on personal development first, external achievement second. To have more, become more. More what, you ask? You may want to become more accepting of yourself, excited, motivated, and genuine. Or you may need to fill a gap between you and your goal by learning a skill or technique that you don’t know. You can take a class or join a networking group of like-minded people to do this.

3.) You do not have to know how do everything. There are plenty of experts, books, counselors, and coaches to help you. Make a list of the top 5 books, blogs, or podcasts on the subject and build time into your schedule to read or listen.

4.) Get your calendar out and take time to plan and have the discipline to commit to your plan. You can do something every day or week. Baby steps help you keep your focus. Never give up.

5.) Work smart. If you aren’t getting the results you anticipated, consult with someone (or have a good talk with yourself), review your plan, and devise a better plan. You have not failed. It’s called editing and re-writing. You know how many times writers re-write their novels? Or how many times I re-wrote this article? Think of you plan as a set of binoculars. You may need to keep adjusting the view until it’s clear.

Maps are not perfect and sometimes we need to venture off the main road to get to where we want to wind up.

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you create the life you truly want, please consider coaching. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with the first step. We can talk it over and decide the best way forward.

Tips to Let Your Light Shine in 2020

1. Guard your creative time like a Mama Bear guarding her cubs. She knows what is important and so do you.

You don’t’ have to choose just one thing to let shine in your life. It could be writing, organizing your office, work life, house, etc.

The point is to give yourself time to pursue something important to you. You would make time to go to the hair dresser and get your nails done, right? How do you make that happen? You put it on your calendar and you look forward to your appointment. Do the same thing with creative time. Put it on your calendar and to do list. You may have to retrain yourself to let your time be your time because intrusive thoughts will want your attention. All of a sudden you “remember” you need to pick up milk. No, picking up milk is for another time on your calendar.

2. Allow your dreams to come to mind. Don’t shut them down. What are your big dreams? Your little dreams? Here are categories to help you get started with thinking about ways to care for yourself that will help you be your best self and shine. Add in other categories or subcategories that make sense for you. You could include vacations, milestones, etc. Then move to step 3 below.

Relationships
Health
Work
Creativity
Spiritual Life
Community Life

3.) View this list as a lump of clay that you can form into a perfect sculpture of your life. Take some out, add some in until you get the picture of what is important to you in 2020. List 10 things in each category that you think you would like to do, be, see, or achieve in 2020. You can list more than 10! Then, answer the following questions. ??

If you could achieve one goal in your personal life, what would it be?
If you could only do one thing on your list, what would it be?
Now, here is the hard part (well, maybe it won’t seem hard): What will you let go of in 2020?

Last year, I created a “Protect Your Energy Planner” just for you! This year, I’m sharing it again for you to use in 2020. You can read about it and download it HERE. It would make a great complement to this exercise! My gift to you.

Ways to Keep the Family Having Fun on Thanksgiving

The holidays can be a magical time filled with laughter and love. Thanksgiving is a time for us to reflect on who and what we are grateful for and enjoy our blessings and goodies.

That’s all good, but what does your family or friend group do after or before dinner? Sometimes, dinner isn’t ready yet and people are doing all they can to stave off their hunger and lurking grumpiness. Sometimes, Thanksgiving ends up to be a group of folks who don’t know each other that well. Sometimes, after dinner people are ready to fall asleep at the dinner table.

And sometimes, you simply may not want your family members to avoid serious conversations for reasons you’ll understand if you are feeling this way.

No worries. Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving or attending someone else’s shindig as a guest, you can bring the party with you and help everyone stay light and have fun.

Here are a few ideas of things you can incorporate into your holiday.

1.) Thanksgiving Bingo – This is so much fun, and you can have up to 24 players. You can throw some quarters into a pot and play for that or you can get little goodies from the dollar store or make them and use them as prizes. A small candle or little dish towel make great prizes. Or just play for fun and maybe the winner gets out of all ktichen cleanup…something like that. If you have a little time on your hands and want to print free ones you can download and print free bingo cards here.

2.) Thanksgiving Scratch-Off Tickets – If you are hosting, this is great fun. You can purchase scratch-off tickets, and there is only one winner. The winning ticket has a sticker on it when you open the package, so you’ll know which one it is. You can pass these out and issue a goody or prize to the winner. You don’t necessarily have to buy anything. The prize could be double desert, the best seat in the house, or other fun little reward. You could even design a “turkey hunt” and hide all the scratch-offs and ask people to find them throughout the day. As they find them, they get to keep them and scratch them off to see who the winner is.

3.) Vertellis - Vertellis is a game that asks you positive questions like, “What are the 3 things that give you the most energy?”. This game gets people talking and thinking about what they are most grateful for.

4.) Abundance Ball – Some families do this at Christmas time, but it can be really fun at Thanksgiving too! You can use tiny items like candies, lottery tickets, gift cards for coffee, pretty note cards, key chains, etc. Basically everyone shares in the abundance of the ball by getting into a circle and unwrapping the saran ball until the person next to them rolls doubles and then they have to pass the ball. Everyone keeps unwrapping and pulling out items until the ball is totally unraveled. This gets everyone a little bit excited and will keep people on their toes and moving after a big feast.

I’d love to hear from you if you do any of these with your family on how it went!

If you would like more help figuring out ways to help create a life by design, click here to take advantage of my free 30 minute phone consultation.

How to Make Time for What’s Important to You

Whether you are the boss, the parent, the person starting a new business or relationship, it’s never too late to plan how you want things to work out. We lead busy lives. There’s always more to do, so it is easy to get bogged down in day-to-day living and forget to learn, create and plan a vision for your business and life. And yet, others such as your employees, co-workers, family members depend on your ability to set the plan and lead the way.

It is reported that Bill Gates takes a week off every three months for thinking. He goes to a retreat alone to review and renew. Benjamin Franklin wrote that he liked his trips across the Atlantic because he gained perspective. C. S. Lewis would often take long walks in order to have time to think. Many people say that the one hour a day is their most productive hour of the day – when they are thinking, planning, dreaming. It’s no coincidence that these people were innovators and had a life by design.

A life by design is one your choose rather than going with the flow and doing what’s chosen for you.

You can set aside an hour a day, go on a retreat, get a perspective while on vacation or a weekend at home. Divide your planning and visioning time into two components: your business life and your personal growth. Both are essential.

Design the growth you want to see. Choose the way and develop a strategy for your future. Don’t overlook your personal development plan. A plan is important if you want to be equipped to be the person you will need to be in your future life.

Here are 3 places where you can choose to make a little time to work on your goals.

1.) In the morning. Wake up earlier or replace something in your morning routine for a while. Give yourself an extra 20 or 30 minutes or whatever you can spare to work on something a little every day.

2.) On your commute. When you are on public transportation or someone else is driving, utilize that time. If you find background noise distracting, bring headphones and play relaxing music.

3.) At night. Go to bed 20 minutes later or replace something in your night time routine.

If you need work on your time management, you may want to check out this book, Time Warrior by Steve Chandler.

If you would like help figuring out ways to help create a life by design, click here to take advantage of my free 30 minute phone consultation.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes