Category Archives: Dealing with Emotions

How to Use Your Closet to Feel Good

It’s getting to be summerish, don’t you think?  As you transition from one season to the next, you may want to consider the color choices in your closet.  Dark colors are fine but if we wear them all the time, it may negatively influence how we feel. People who are experts in Chi / energy tell us that choosing to wear dark clothing can influence whether we are optimistic or pessimistic, happy or depressed.

That’s enough for me to think about wearing lighter, softer colors more often.  Experts in the subject also tell us that wearing the same colors consistently can keep us stuck while wearing a variety of colors can move us forward or even elevate our Chi / mood.

So, what does this have to do with your closet making you happy?

Your probably already know what colors invite compliments when you wear them. It may not be your favorite color but something about that color speaks to others in a good way. Think about the clothes that make you feel good when wearing them. Are they comfortable? Pretty? Make a statement? Make you feel like your authentic self. You may think, “This is so me!”.  Now is the time to move those clothes to the front of your closet, so those are the pieces you wear the most.

I’d even go so far as to say you should get rid of anything in your closet that doesn’t feel just as good wearing it. Most of us have way too much in our closet anyway and will realistically never wear half of what we have in there. It feels so much better to open the door to a closet with lots of space that’s easy to navigate and has ALL of our favorite items in it.

Have you noticed there are lots of floral designs this season? From sundresses to evening gowns, I see flowers. And I LOVE them. I was taught not to wear flowers because they make you look “as big as a house.” But, that was a long time ago. Times have changed, and we are learning to be more comfortable with who we are and what we like. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matters that you are happy and feel good about yourself. Flowers of all sizes communicate freshness, energy, beauty, nature and just make you feel good. Hummm…I think it’s time to go shopping!

Face Your Feelings to Avoid Catastrophe – It’s Going to Show Up Somehow

I’m going to share something very simple with you in this month’s article, but it’s something that’s not always easy. It’s a basic fact of life that every human being has emotions. It’s also a fact that we all have to work through our own personal struggles in life. They vary greatly and every person has a different threshold for what they can handle, but we all feel and we all hurt in our ways.

Even if you don’t realize it, you’ve been through trauma in your life. You could have experienced minor trauma or major trauma. When we experience trauma, we experience negative emotions that can sometimes greatly impact our lives. How do you respond to negative feelings? Do you freeze and do nothing, suppress them, find ways to get even, get angry? I hope not because these are negative ways of dealing with your feelings. They can lead to unhappiness, bad habits, more negative feelings and even addictions.  If Ignored, emotions will build up and, just like lava under the Earth, they will bubble up to the surface and come out from under one way or another.

Please give yourself permission to feel. It’s the best part of who we are…the part that makes us good. The correct way to handle your feelings is to work through them. You do this by acknowledging how you feel and allowing yourself to feel that way. In the society we live in today, we think we don’t have time to feel. But we need to slow down and just be. If you want to cry, stop and cry. If you need to scream, go somewhere private and scream your head off. If you’re happy or proud of an accomplishment, take a moment to celebrate how you feel. You deserve it!

There are countless ways to connect with your emotions and release anything that’s weighing you down. Here are just a few.

  • Try meditation. Get quiet and breathe deeply for a while. Focus on your breath and pay attention to what you immediately think and feel.
  • Use a journal to write down how you’re feeling. Often, people realize more about how they’re feeling when they write it down. And, it’s a great way to release what’s bothering you by leaving it on the paper you wrote it on.
  • Move your body. Ride your bike, jog, swim, dance. Allow yourself the physical release.

Remember, when we were kids and we didn’t have a bunch of baggage and negative emotions weighing us down? You can feel like that again if you simply give yourself permission to feel and release. So, like Nike says, “Just do it!”

I have a fantastic free Therapeutic writing course that could be a great fit for you if you want to try journaling. Those who have tried it have had great results. You could sign up for it here http://themuseskiss.com/.

If you need more one-on-one support with this, you can call me to learn more about how to get support at 601-684-9657 or e-mail me at DrB@patriciabrawley.com.

7 Ways to Succeed Using Meditation

It is no secret that meditation can reduce stress, decrease anxiety and depression, increase attention span and warm up your heart with compassion for yourself and others.

Research has proven that regular meditation can change the physical structure of the brain and some findings indicate that the brain works better at cognitive functions such as processing information and forming memories.

You do not have to be Buddhist to meditate. Western civilization has “borrowed” their practice to use in secular settings. You can even find apps to prompt you to look inward. Turns out meditation is not only good for your mind but also for your health, including your weight.

So, why aren’t more people meditating? Well, they are. But, you can understand that it requires regular practice. In other words, you can’t eat a good meal only one time and expect to never have to eat again. There are many programs, YouTube videos, books, and articles that give instructions. Some are 30-75 minutes and that is ideal, but starting out? Start with 10 minutes a day for a week and go from there.

Week 1: Choose what you like.

Do you want lit candles or not. Music or not?  Vipassana or Mindfulness, prayer or mantra? Don’t get caught up in the choices.  These are window dressings for the work you will do but it does help solidify a habit to have the same items in your environment each time you meditate. Mostly, you want something to put you in a meditative state. You can always experiment to see what works for you.

I like incense but it’s not necessary. I like silence but I also like to have natural sounds, such as birds.

2.) Keep at it until you develop a habit.

We are creatures of habit so try to keep familiarity and sameness in the beginning.  For example, using the same time, same cushion, and same quiet spot will build a response from mind – a cue that this is good. You will set up a mental signal that it is time to turn inward.  Understand life goes on and will go on after your meditation time. Don’t get stuck in the idea that everything has  to be perfect for you to start or that you have to be in a particular place to meditate. Heck, even minutes in a parked car waiting to pick up kids can be as good a place as a monastery.

3.) Allow Patience to Develop

So, you go to your favorite spot, at your designated time, sit on your blanket or cushion, back against a wall for support, and close your eyes and wait for your mind to settle into focusing on your breath. Thoughts interrupt this concentration seemingly at every breath. You start over. You know they will come again and you plan to let them float by like a cloud in the sky while you go back to focusing on the breath. At the end of the session, you feel relaxed, like the sky has cleared.

Tomorrow you repeat the process. The clouds/thoughts seem to clog up and every time you start over, determined to focus on your breath, the clouds of thoughts seem to gather more and more. At the end of your time, it seems nothing happened. But, it did. Every session is different.

Come again tomorrow and the next. Witness what happens as the days go by. Some days will bring more success and other days just a time of noticing how much you are worrying or planning. That, too, is useful information. Where does your mind hang out when you’re not looking? Meditation gives you a peek into that constant undercurrent of thought that drives how you feel, your health, and even what decisions you make.

Meditation is like going for a workout at the gym. It’s tough to show up every day with enthusiasm, particularly if you can’t measure desired results instantly. What would a personal trainer tell you to do? Stay home? I think not. Sitting for meditation is another kind of training and you can more easily stay with it in order to get better at turning inward. Also understand you may not resolve problems or feelings that come up for you while meditating. Just feel them and know that relief from pain or a solution to a problem will come in time.

If you want to write, what is the best advice? Sit in the chair and write. Same here, show up and give effort even if you think it should produce calmness and all you experience is pain. Perhaps you can try a different technique but commit to showing up. Develop patience toward yourself and your mind.

4.) Look for happiness.

Do you think meditation is part of reason you feel more joyful? Your personality and habits didn’t change but I wonder if you will continue meditating anyway. Small joys grow into bigger ones. If f you skip a day, don’t be surprised if you feel an urge to return to your meditation space.

5.) Take your seat.

You do not have to sit cross-legged on the floor. Feel free to sit in a chair. The only rule about sitting is that your back should be upright, straight to allow the breath and energy to flow freely. After you’ve chosen a seat, place your hands on your knees, palms up or down, and the thumb and forefinger touching. This completes an energetic circuit.

6.) Taking breaths.

Breath awareness is a good start. Do a single practice daily until it becomes a habit. Inhale with awareness. Can you feel the air coming into your nostrils? Can you sense the lungs filling with breath? Close your eyes and exhale, releasing any tension, bringing your attention to the breath leaving your body.

Breathe naturally in your normal rhythm.  When thoughts arise, note them with awareness acknowledging their sense, such as “thinking” “planning’ “story-telling’ ‘listening” etc. Always bring your attention back to breathing. It’s okay, but not necessary,  to visualize breath as a color or particles of energy entering and healing the body.

7. Ending meditation.

To end meditation, take a deep breath and exhale gently. Notice how your body feels. What about your mind? Do you feel more energetic? Peaceful?

Write a few words in your journal about what you remembered from this meditation.

**If you don’t have a lot of experience meditating, sign up for my great free call Lose Weight for Life where we incorporate meditation into the lesson in the call. You’ll be amazed how easy it is and it applies to all areas of life, not just weight loss. http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.