I’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

I’m so lucky to live in a place where I can observe duck families that live happily and uninterrupted. I’ve been watching a mother duck care for her ducklings. I watched as the ducklings hopped around playfully and randomly pecked at the ground. Mother Duck was loving and nurtured her little ones tenderly as they learned the skills needed to be good little ducks. She was also firm when she needed to be.

A short time later, I watched Mother Duck get up and start walking forward to leave the place she had nurtured her ducklings to this point. She knew this place no longer served her and her family well and that it was key to their survival that they swiftly pack it up and move on. Though Mother Duck was patient and steady, she did not coddle her babies and beg them to get going. Instead, she got up like a soldier and abrasively requested her ducklings follow her quickly and quietly. Whoever didn’t follow would most certainly get left behind.

Here’s what I learned from Mother Duck.

1.) Know your purpose and commit to it fiercely. Mother Duck knew her purpose in life was to teach her ducklings to survive on their own. Winter was coming and it was vital for them to learn survival skills or parish. She was never distracted and she never questioned her natural instincts. She did what her intuition told her to, and she never wavered. Imagine how far we could go if we always listened to our intuition.

2.) Live a balanced life. Mother Duck knew when her ducklings needed a tender touch or reminder and when she needed to be firm and push her ducklings out of their comfort zone. She knew when someone was hungry and made sure everyone had just enough with no excess because she knew it wasn’t necessary. She was always on time and always had a plan. Because of this, she was successful in her quest for her family’s survival.

3.) Know when it’s time to move on. Mother Duck knew when her babies were equipped enough to move on to their next home. She didn’t waste time. When they had the skills they needed, she simply got up and made the decision it was time to go. She sternly called her ducklings and led them in the march to a better destination. Luckily, all the ducklings waddled along behind her anxious to embark on a new adventure. Had they not followed her, she and the rest of the family would have moved on anyway. She knew staying in the same place just wouldn’t be adequate. Do you know when something is no longer serving you?

Sometimes I think our species is too intelligent for its own good. We forget the most basic things. If you sometimes feel like the baby ducklings fumbling around on the lawn trying to figure out why your current habits and behaviors aren’t working for you, you should sign up to receive my free call this month. It’s focused on emotions caused by trauma connected with food, but the lesson is applicable to areas of life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

Two individuals are robbed at gunpoint. One experiences overwhelming helplessness and has a hard month. But by the end of that time, he has pretty much resolved and integrated the incident into his life. The other person experiences intense rage. Years later, she is still struggling with the negative, life-changing aftermath of the trauma.

As seen in the above example, not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way. Just as pain thresholds differ, so do trauma thresholds. But as William Shakespeare wrote in his play Othello, “What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”

Having studied trauma intensively over the past couple of decades, researchers now know that a traumatic event’s impact depends on the perception of it. Perception is influenced by a number of factors including age, physical characteristics, level of support, etc. Thus, emotional trauma can result from a single extreme and deeply felt experience or from a series of low-intensity events. Even everyday happenings—falls, difficult births, betrayals, medical/dental procedures—can cause the same lingering traumatic effects as extreme or violent events, such as physical abuse, combat or serious accidents.

Fortunately, even traumatic effects that linger for years can be resolved, and the result can be a new present-day reality that includes, but is not dominated by, a traumatic past.

“The same immense energies that create the symptoms of trauma, when properly engaged and mobilized, can transform the trauma and propel us into new heights of healing, mastery and even wisdom,” writes Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.

Let me explain your natural response to trauma and what happens to you when it’s over.

The Natural Trauma Response

Levine and others contend that emotional trauma goes unhealed when the natural trauma response is interrupted and feelings unleashed by the event remain unresolved. Because of this, anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, hopelessness, self-blame, shame and other feelings freeze up inside of us.

That “freeze” is not just emotional, but physical as well. Recent research indicates that parts of the brain become altered by traumatic events. These disruptions are actually visible on brain scans.

Just what is a natural trauma response? It’s the whole continuum of emotional and physical sensations that occur with the first inclination that something is wrong or dangerous. To understand it, Levine suggests that we look at how animals respond to danger, real or perceived.

After the animal has instinctively chosen to fight, flee or freeze, and the danger has passed, the animal twitches and trembles throughout the entire body, essentially “shedding” the tension required for alertness and quick response.

Human response to danger—real or perceived—can also involve shaking, sweating, crying, laughing or shuddering. Just like the animal, such responses are natural and part of the body’s effort to return to a state of equilibrium. They are crucial to the recovery process, and they may go on for hours, days or weeks.

Too often, however, we deny this process or don’t give it its due. We say to ourselves or hear from others, Pull yourself together. Forget about it. Get up and shake it off. It’s time to get on with your life.

And when we do that and ignore the emotional and physical sensations that continue after a traumatizing event, we interrupt the natural cycle, short-circuiting our natural ability to heal. It is this, more than anything that sets us up for a damaging traumatic aftermath.

“The animal’s ability to rebound from threat can serve as a model for humans,” Levine writes. “It gives us a direction that may point the way to our own innate healing abilities.”

Life After Trauma

The incidence of serious negative events that typically evoke traumatic response is surprisingly pervasive in our culture today. A 20-year study released in 2005 by Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that of the 17,337 middle-class participants, a startling 64% had experienced one or more of eight categories of traumatic childhood events.

The study showed a significant connection between this childhood trauma and disease, depression, drug use and/or suicide.

Perhaps that is because unresolved trauma can undermine basic human needs. Dena Rosenbloom and Mary Beth Williams, authors of Life After Trauma: A Workbook for Healing, identify these basic needs as safety, trust, a measure of control over one’s life, self-worth and intimacy.

These writers and others stress that it is not necessary to relive one’s emotional pain in order to heal trauma. For some, doing so may trigger re-traumatization. Focus on what you can do today. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions, seek helpful support, learn from others who’ve “been there,” allow yourself to grieve and above all, take your time.

Adapted from author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications