Category Archives: Uncategorized

Healing the Hand That Feeds You

You’ve heard the phrase, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Right? Are you following your own advice?

If eating is the only thing you do fast and quick during the day, this may be part of the reason you are gaining (or just not losing weight).  I can hear you telling me the reasons: “I have limited time.”, “I’m always on the run.”, or “It’s a habit.” I get it.

But, the consequences are not feeling full, which means eating more, poor digestion, and eating too much because your stomach doesn’t have time to send the “time out” signal to your brain, and you don’t enjoy your food – food which hundreds of people have worked hard to deliver to your table.

Can you see the value in tasting your food? Can you remember the feeling of being full when you didn’t eat in a hurry?

And, if you are using food to cope with emotions and / or memories, then you are abusing both your body and the food.

So pretend there’s a speed bump up ahead. You would slow down wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want to drive full speed ahead and bounce yourself senseless (although we’ve all done that when we were not planning for a speed bump to be there). And, if you kept driving full force over the speed bump? Just saying.

Here’s the “how-to-avoid-bouncing-over-a-speed-bump” type of eating:

First, realize you do not have anywhere to rush to and you are aware of the upcoming speed bump.

Week 1: From now on when you eat, consciously take small bites. No stuffing your face. Eat as much as you want but take small bites. It’s okay to have leftovers for snack time later.

Week 2: Keep taking small bites and chew these bites longer than you usually do. Try for 15-20 times a bite. Make a game out of it. Challenge yourself. Whatever it takes. Slow down and chew. Eat as much as you want but do this.  Please schedule a few extra minutes for meal time than you usually would.

Week 3: Yummmmmy. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing your food, really savor the taste of each bite. With each bite, determine if it is mostly sweet, sour, salty, or bitter.  When we eat fast, we swallow without tasting. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing longer, you will have a different experience from the simple act of eating. It’s magnificent. You may find that your favorite foods don’t taste as good as you thought they did. It was habit to eat them but not to taste them.

Week 4: You may be doing this already, but, if you’re not, make a conscious effort to swallow before taking the next bite. Conscious is the key word here. A pause. Like talking and having a period at the end of your sentence. You don’t quit talking but you can hear the pause. Now, taste the pause of eating.

Week 5:  Now that you’re pausing between bites, take more sips of a no-calorie beverage. Drink your beverage the same way. Sips, not gulps. Enjoy the taste or refreshing feeling of the beverage.

Week 6: This is the book-end to your meal. At the beginning, rate or become aware of how hungry you feel. Give it a name: ravenous, mildly hungry, etc.  About mid-way through your meal, raise your awareness of how your hunger is changing. At the end of the meal rate your hunger again. It’s part of the eating experience most people overlook. Like a wave, hunger rises and falls during the day. Wait for hunger to rise rather than eating by the clock, if you must. Get to know your rhythms. What times does your hunger show up? Go away?

**If you find it challenging to answer these questions and think you may need help, my free teleseminar may help you get to the root of things and get your answers. You can check it out here http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

How to Use Your Closet to Feel Good

It’s getting to be summerish, don’t you think?  As you transition from one season to the next, you may want to consider the color choices in your closet.  Dark colors are fine but if we wear them all the time, it may negatively influence how we feel. People who are experts in Chi / energy tell us that choosing to wear dark clothing can influence whether we are optimistic or pessimistic, happy or depressed.

That’s enough for me to think about wearing lighter, softer colors more often.  Experts in the subject also tell us that wearing the same colors consistently can keep us stuck while wearing a variety of colors can move us forward or even elevate our Chi / mood.

So, what does this have to do with your closet making you happy?

Your probably already know what colors invite compliments when you wear them. It may not be your favorite color but something about that color speaks to others in a good way. Think about the clothes that make you feel good when wearing them. Are they comfortable? Pretty? Make a statement? Make you feel like your authentic self. You may think, “This is so me!”.  Now is the time to move those clothes to the front of your closet, so those are the pieces you wear the most.

I’d even go so far as to say you should get rid of anything in your closet that doesn’t feel just as good wearing it. Most of us have way too much in our closet anyway and will realistically never wear half of what we have in there. It feels so much better to open the door to a closet with lots of space that’s easy to navigate and has ALL of our favorite items in it.

Have you noticed there are lots of floral designs this season? From sundresses to evening gowns, I see flowers. And I LOVE them. I was taught not to wear flowers because they make you look “as big as a house.” But, that was a long time ago. Times have changed, and we are learning to be more comfortable with who we are and what we like. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matters that you are happy and feel good about yourself. Flowers of all sizes communicate freshness, energy, beauty, nature and just make you feel good. Hummm…I think it’s time to go shopping!

Face Your Feelings to Avoid Catastrophe – It’s Going to Show Up Somehow

I’m going to share something very simple with you in this month’s article, but it’s something that’s not always easy. It’s a basic fact of life that every human being has emotions. It’s also a fact that we all have to work through our own personal struggles in life. They vary greatly and every person has a different threshold for what they can handle, but we all feel and we all hurt in our ways.

Even if you don’t realize it, you’ve been through trauma in your life. You could have experienced minor trauma or major trauma. When we experience trauma, we experience negative emotions that can sometimes greatly impact our lives. How do you respond to negative feelings? Do you freeze and do nothing, suppress them, find ways to get even, get angry? I hope not because these are negative ways of dealing with your feelings. They can lead to unhappiness, bad habits, more negative feelings and even addictions.  If Ignored, emotions will build up and, just like lava under the Earth, they will bubble up to the surface and come out from under one way or another.

Please give yourself permission to feel. It’s the best part of who we are…the part that makes us good. The correct way to handle your feelings is to work through them. You do this by acknowledging how you feel and allowing yourself to feel that way. In the society we live in today, we think we don’t have time to feel. But we need to slow down and just be. If you want to cry, stop and cry. If you need to scream, go somewhere private and scream your head off. If you’re happy or proud of an accomplishment, take a moment to celebrate how you feel. You deserve it!

There are countless ways to connect with your emotions and release anything that’s weighing you down. Here are just a few.

  • Try meditation. Get quiet and breathe deeply for a while. Focus on your breath and pay attention to what you immediately think and feel.
  • Use a journal to write down how you’re feeling. Often, people realize more about how they’re feeling when they write it down. And, it’s a great way to release what’s bothering you by leaving it on the paper you wrote it on.
  • Move your body. Ride your bike, jog, swim, dance. Allow yourself the physical release.

Remember, when we were kids and we didn’t have a bunch of baggage and negative emotions weighing us down? You can feel like that again if you simply give yourself permission to feel and release. So, like Nike says, “Just do it!”

I have a fantastic free Therapeutic writing course that could be a great fit for you if you want to try journaling. Those who have tried it have had great results. You could sign up for it here http://themuseskiss.com/.

If you need more one-on-one support with this, you can call me to learn more about how to get support at 601-684-9657 or e-mail me at DrB@patriciabrawley.com.

7 Ways to Succeed Using Meditation

It is no secret that meditation can reduce stress, decrease anxiety and depression, increase attention span and warm up your heart with compassion for yourself and others.

Research has proven that regular meditation can change the physical structure of the brain and some findings indicate that the brain works better at cognitive functions such as processing information and forming memories.

You do not have to be Buddhist to meditate. Western civilization has “borrowed” their practice to use in secular settings. You can even find apps to prompt you to look inward. Turns out meditation is not only good for your mind but also for your health, including your weight.

So, why aren’t more people meditating? Well, they are. But, you can understand that it requires regular practice. In other words, you can’t eat a good meal only one time and expect to never have to eat again. There are many programs, YouTube videos, books, and articles that give instructions. Some are 30-75 minutes and that is ideal, but starting out? Start with 10 minutes a day for a week and go from there.

Week 1: Choose what you like.

Do you want lit candles or not. Music or not?  Vipassana or Mindfulness, prayer or mantra? Don’t get caught up in the choices.  These are window dressings for the work you will do but it does help solidify a habit to have the same items in your environment each time you meditate. Mostly, you want something to put you in a meditative state. You can always experiment to see what works for you.

I like incense but it’s not necessary. I like silence but I also like to have natural sounds, such as birds.

2.) Keep at it until you develop a habit.

We are creatures of habit so try to keep familiarity and sameness in the beginning.  For example, using the same time, same cushion, and same quiet spot will build a response from mind – a cue that this is good. You will set up a mental signal that it is time to turn inward.  Understand life goes on and will go on after your meditation time. Don’t get stuck in the idea that everything has  to be perfect for you to start or that you have to be in a particular place to meditate. Heck, even minutes in a parked car waiting to pick up kids can be as good a place as a monastery.

3.) Allow Patience to Develop

So, you go to your favorite spot, at your designated time, sit on your blanket or cushion, back against a wall for support, and close your eyes and wait for your mind to settle into focusing on your breath. Thoughts interrupt this concentration seemingly at every breath. You start over. You know they will come again and you plan to let them float by like a cloud in the sky while you go back to focusing on the breath. At the end of the session, you feel relaxed, like the sky has cleared.

Tomorrow you repeat the process. The clouds/thoughts seem to clog up and every time you start over, determined to focus on your breath, the clouds of thoughts seem to gather more and more. At the end of your time, it seems nothing happened. But, it did. Every session is different.

Come again tomorrow and the next. Witness what happens as the days go by. Some days will bring more success and other days just a time of noticing how much you are worrying or planning. That, too, is useful information. Where does your mind hang out when you’re not looking? Meditation gives you a peek into that constant undercurrent of thought that drives how you feel, your health, and even what decisions you make.

Meditation is like going for a workout at the gym. It’s tough to show up every day with enthusiasm, particularly if you can’t measure desired results instantly. What would a personal trainer tell you to do? Stay home? I think not. Sitting for meditation is another kind of training and you can more easily stay with it in order to get better at turning inward. Also understand you may not resolve problems or feelings that come up for you while meditating. Just feel them and know that relief from pain or a solution to a problem will come in time.

If you want to write, what is the best advice? Sit in the chair and write. Same here, show up and give effort even if you think it should produce calmness and all you experience is pain. Perhaps you can try a different technique but commit to showing up. Develop patience toward yourself and your mind.

4.) Look for happiness.

Do you think meditation is part of reason you feel more joyful? Your personality and habits didn’t change but I wonder if you will continue meditating anyway. Small joys grow into bigger ones. If f you skip a day, don’t be surprised if you feel an urge to return to your meditation space.

5.) Take your seat.

You do not have to sit cross-legged on the floor. Feel free to sit in a chair. The only rule about sitting is that your back should be upright, straight to allow the breath and energy to flow freely. After you’ve chosen a seat, place your hands on your knees, palms up or down, and the thumb and forefinger touching. This completes an energetic circuit.

6.) Taking breaths.

Breath awareness is a good start. Do a single practice daily until it becomes a habit. Inhale with awareness. Can you feel the air coming into your nostrils? Can you sense the lungs filling with breath? Close your eyes and exhale, releasing any tension, bringing your attention to the breath leaving your body.

Breathe naturally in your normal rhythm.  When thoughts arise, note them with awareness acknowledging their sense, such as “thinking” “planning’ “story-telling’ ‘listening” etc. Always bring your attention back to breathing. It’s okay, but not necessary,  to visualize breath as a color or particles of energy entering and healing the body.

7. Ending meditation.

To end meditation, take a deep breath and exhale gently. Notice how your body feels. What about your mind? Do you feel more energetic? Peaceful?

Write a few words in your journal about what you remembered from this meditation.

**If you don’t have a lot of experience meditating, sign up for my great free call Lose Weight for Life where we incorporate meditation into the lesson in the call. You’ll be amazed how easy it is and it applies to all areas of life, not just weight loss. http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

But I Don’t Want To! — How to Do What You Need To Do

You can read the title in two ways. It all comes down to having to do things for work, family, health, house, and on and on. Paying bills, sweeping the floor, cleaning the litter box…oh the list is endless. But, be honest, doesn’t it feel good to have paid the bills, walk on a clean floor and made kitty happy? Sure. So why do we turn into our whiny child self and even if we don’t say it, we act it out, “But, I don’t want to.”

Here are 3 Reasons that Come to Mind:

1.) You are bored and this doesn’t rise to the level of fun.

2.) You like sabotaging yourself even on things you enjoy.

3.) It has become a habit to procrastinate.

You can add yours to the list.

How would you know that boredom is the heart of this battle for your time? The signs are clear. You do stuff that is non-productive, self-indulgent, that thumbs your nose in the face of having to “obey” an inner voice (or a real boss). Let’s see, should I do laundry or play video games? Should I grocery shop or read the latest romance novel? Dust the furniture or text friends or look at Facebook?

Can you read between the lines and see rebellion at work? It’s a real tug-of-war going on and we didn’t even know we joined the game. One part of you wants to succeed and even enjoy doing tasks that bring a good feeling and the other part is having a tantrum of “don’t want to.” Why is that?

Nobody likes to be told what to do. We all know what to do and why we should do it.

You’re smart. But, when you find yourself playing games, and doing everything you can to avoid doing the task, you may want to understand why.

Chances are there is some pleasure in avoiding doing what you need to do. A little reward but it is short -lived. Then, there is the chance you’ve developed a habit. Habits don’t form unless we concentrate on them, repeat them, and generally don’t think about them. We just act on them.

Do you want to let go of the nagging voice and enjoy doing whatever you want to do without being controlled by inner voices, habits and unconscious behaviors? What are your dreams and what are your daily chores/tasks that need doing? Would you agree that both require concentration? Determination? Overcoming fear?

There are plenty of examples of people who were just going along, letting life happen to them, who woke up and developed their potential, essentially becoming a different type person. You can find that turning point in your life, too. It is a matter of choice. It’s not talent, money, being better or smarter than the next person. It’s the result of changing habits and concentrating on what you want in your life.

Habits are acquired. Habits can change. One person thinks “I’ll do it later when I feel like it and procrastinates doing anything,” Another person goes ahead and does the work (writes his/her book or cleans the house for example). They both have the same opportunities. One will complain and make excuses. The other moves onto the next project without all the inner drama.

Remember, I said that we don’t like to be told what to do? Teachers try, parents push, books illustrate and motivate us to try new things. But, nothing will work until you learn it for yourself. Life gives us opportunities to improve, reach deep, become more than we ever imagined — if we stay with it. Don’t quit!

People who have risen to highest victories didn’t have smooth sailing. In fact, you’ll read that most had challenges, setbacks, and were misunderstood and discouraged by family and friends. But, they stayed with their dreams. Don’t let, “But I don’t want to” hold you back. When you are living for your dreams, you won’t mind the daily chores. They will not claim the centerpiece of your attention.

As Wayne Dyer used to say, “You never regret what you do in life. You only regret what you don’t do.”

If you need help identifying why you can’t beat your “but, I don’t want to”, you may want to check out my free call on Losing Weight for Life.  Though it’s about weight loss, the focus of the call is on getting to the root of bad habits to change them and create a better life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

You may be suffering from trauma and not even know it

LAYERCAKEI’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

What You Can Learn from Mother Duck

I’m so lucky to live in a place where I can observe duck families that live happily and uninterrupted. I’ve been watching a mother duck care for her ducklings. I watched as the ducklings hopped around playfully and randomly pecked at the ground. Mother Duck was loving and nurtured her little ones tenderly as they learned the skills needed to be good little ducks. She was also firm when she needed to be.

A short time later, I watched Mother Duck get up and start walking forward to leave the place she had nurtured her ducklings to this point. She knew this place no longer served her and her family well and that it was key to their survival that they swiftly pack it up and move on. Though Mother Duck was patient and steady, she did not coddle her babies and beg them to get going. Instead, she got up like a soldier and abrasively requested her ducklings follow her quickly and quietly. Whoever didn’t follow would most certainly get left behind.

Here’s what I learned from Mother Duck.

1.) Know your purpose and commit to it fiercely. Mother Duck knew her purpose in life was to teach her ducklings to survive on their own. Winter was coming and it was vital for them to learn survival skills or parish. She was never distracted and she never questioned her natural instincts. She did what her intuition told her to, and she never wavered. Imagine how far we could go if we always listened to our intuition.

2.) Live a balanced life. Mother Duck knew when her ducklings needed a tender touch or reminder and when she needed to be firm and push her ducklings out of their comfort zone. She knew when someone was hungry and made sure everyone had just enough with no excess because she knew it wasn’t necessary. She was always on time and always had a plan. Because of this, she was successful in her quest for her family’s survival.

3.) Know when it’s time to move on. Mother Duck knew when her babies were equipped enough to move on to their next home. She didn’t waste time. When they had the skills they needed, she simply got up and made the decision it was time to go. She sternly called her ducklings and led them in the march to a better destination. Luckily, all the ducklings waddled along behind her anxious to embark on a new adventure. Had they not followed her, she and the rest of the family would have moved on anyway. She knew staying in the same place just wouldn’t be adequate. Do you know when something is no longer serving you?

Sometimes I think our species is too intelligent for its own good. We forget the most basic things. If you sometimes feel like the baby ducklings fumbling around on the lawn trying to figure out why your current habits and behaviors aren’t working for you, you should sign up to receive my free call this month. It’s focused on emotions caused by trauma connected with food, but the lesson is applicable to areas of life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

Healing From Trauma – What Happens to Your Body

HeartwithbandaidTwo individuals are robbed at gunpoint. One experiences overwhelming helplessness and has a hard month. But by the end of that time, he has pretty much resolved and integrated the incident into his life. The other person experiences intense rage. Years later, she is still struggling with the negative, life-changing aftermath of the trauma.

As seen in the above example, not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way. Just as pain thresholds differ, so do trauma thresholds. But as William Shakespeare wrote in his play Othello, “What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”

Having studied trauma intensively over the past couple of decades, researchers now know that a traumatic event’s impact depends on the perception of it. Perception is influenced by a number of factors including age, physical characteristics, level of support, etc. Thus, emotional trauma can result from a single extreme and deeply felt experience or from a series of low-intensity events. Even everyday happenings—falls, difficult births, betrayals, medical/dental procedures—can cause the same lingering traumatic effects as extreme or violent events, such as physical abuse, combat or serious accidents.

Fortunately, even traumatic effects that linger for years can be resolved, and the result can be a new present-day reality that includes, but is not dominated by, a traumatic past.

“The same immense energies that create the symptoms of trauma, when properly engaged and mobilized, can transform the trauma and propel us into new heights of healing, mastery and even wisdom,” writes Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.

Let me explain your natural response to trauma and what happens to you when it’s over.

The Natural Trauma Response

Levine and others contend that emotional trauma goes unhealed when the natural trauma response is interrupted and feelings unleashed by the event remain unresolved. Because of this, anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, hopelessness, self-blame, shame and other feelings freeze up inside of us.

That “freeze” is not just emotional, but physical as well. Recent research indicates that parts of the brain become altered by traumatic events. These disruptions are actually visible on brain scans.

Just what is a natural trauma response? It’s the whole continuum of emotional and physical sensations that occur with the first inclination that something is wrong or dangerous. To understand it, Levine suggests that we look at how animals respond to danger, real or perceived.

After the animal has instinctively chosen to fight, flee or freeze, and the danger has passed, the animal twitches and trembles throughout the entire body, essentially “shedding” the tension required for alertness and quick response.

Human response to danger—real or perceived—can also involve shaking, sweating, crying, laughing or shuddering. Just like the animal, such responses are natural and part of the body’s effort to return to a state of equilibrium. They are crucial to the recovery process, and they may go on for hours, days or weeks.

Too often, however, we deny this process or don’t give it its due. We say to ourselves or hear from others, Pull yourself together. Forget about it. Get up and shake it off. It’s time to get on with your life.

And when we do that and ignore the emotional and physical sensations that continue after a traumatizing event, we interrupt the natural cycle, short-circuiting our natural ability to heal. It is this, more than anything that sets us up for a damaging traumatic aftermath.

“The animal’s ability to rebound from threat can serve as a model for humans,” Levine writes. “It gives us a direction that may point the way to our own innate healing abilities.”

Life After Trauma

The incidence of serious negative events that typically evoke traumatic response is surprisingly pervasive in our culture today. A 20-year study released in 2005 by Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that of the 17,337 middle-class participants, a startling 64% had experienced one or more of eight categories of traumatic childhood events.

The study showed a significant connection between this childhood trauma and disease, depression, drug use and/or suicide.

Perhaps that is because unresolved trauma can undermine basic human needs. Dena Rosenbloom and Mary Beth Williams, authors of Life After Trauma: A Workbook for Healing, identify these basic needs as safety, trust, a measure of control over one’s life, self-worth and intimacy.

These writers and others stress that it is not necessary to relive one’s emotional pain in order to heal trauma. For some, doing so may trigger re-traumatization. Focus on what you can do today. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions, seek helpful support, learn from others who’ve “been there,” allow yourself to grieve and above all, take your time.

Adapted from author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

How to Enjoy Your Holidays with The “Book-End” Plan

bookendIf you’re running ragged and wondering how to enjoy the holidays more, you are not alone. The topics and magazine cover titles about stress, weight gain, weight loss, recipes, party ideas, and crafts to make on the spur of the moment are everywhere. It’s enough to make you want to pull the covers over your head and wait till it’s all over.

Here’s a plan that will carry over to the New Year and help you enjoy all days, not just the holidays. I call it the “Book-End Plan.” In case you don’t know, a bookend is a support that comes at the beginning and end of a row of books. The first book-end in your life is your morning and the last one is a set time in the afternoon or evening.

The good news is that you don’t have to buy anything or create anything for your morning book-end. Simply do something you like. Allow enough time to enjoy your morning plan. Here are some suggestions.

  • Read a meditation or devotional thoughtfully appreciating the day and that you are breathing.
  • Do some yoga.
  • Enjoy a cup of your favorite tea/coffee.
  • Write a page in your journal (perhaps about a dream you had last night).

The second book-end marks the end of your day and helps you wind down. It could come at the end of your work day or while you are getting ready for bed. The important thing is you pick a time that you can allow yourself to stay relaxed for the rest of the night.

This doesn’t cost anything, and you already have ideas of things you’d like to do even if you haven’t done them. Maybe you’ve been wanting to sit in a candlelit bath, so why not try it now? Or maybe you’d enjoy spending special time with the kids. Change it up and make it special, something you will look forward to.

Starting the day off on a positive note inspires you to tackle holiday and work tasks. Sure, there’s always more to do. That’s what we call stress! But, if you know that at the end of your day, (the other book-end plan) is waiting for you, you will transition the day, enjoy it much more, and sleep well.

Your Road Map for Success is Ready

Everybody has an idea of how things could be better. Most of the time we are aware of what’s going right for us as well as the areas of our lives we hope to improve, like relationships, health, or finances.

I’d like you to participate in a short exercise with me, so I can show you how you can have the things you want once you discover what’s holding you back. Use your answers as a road map to overcome the obstacles in your life.

So, I invite you to take out a notebook or come back here later (meaning in the very near future like tonight or tomorrow) and answer these questions. You will be surprised at what you’ll find. You can spend as little or as much time as you need on these but be sure to answer thoughtfully.

This first question deserves some careful thought. You’ll want to take it seriously and write down whatever comes to mind. Now is not the time to suppress, dismiss, or criticize what your mind presents. Ready? Here is the question: In your life, what are you NOT willing to change or do to have the success you want?

What am I talking about? Here is example. If you say you wish for better health but you’re not willing to quit smoking, eat better, or exercise and you know it, that would be your answer. There are answers to all the areas of your life you want to improve. If you’re in a bad relationship but you’re not willing to move on, write that down. Writing these things down does not mean you have to act on anything ….just yet.

The answers to the question are clear markers on your roadmap. They are holding you back, controlling your life, keeping you from having what you say you want.

When you feel like you understand the things you are not willing to do are part of your problems, you will have to ask the next question. What do I need to do to see a different result? For example, if you want to be healthier but you don’t want to stop doing what you’re doing now, how can you get healthier? People don’t like to change their mind because it’s the mind that is set on keeping you from change.

You could even have thoughts about terrible things that would happen to you if you changed. The anxiety level of looking at that first list and thinking about changing can bring on a panic attack! But, take a deep breath and remember you are safe. You are only writing your thoughts on paper. So, let loose.

No ask yourself why are the things you aren’t willing to change so important to you? (Write your answers down). How did you come to value them so much over something that is good for you? How much do you value your life?

For many of you it will be easier to answer this question if I ask you to think about this scenario. A kidnapper sent a message that says, “Unless you paid $20,000.00, your loved one will be killed.” Would you exhaust every possibility to save his/her life? Of course you would. You’d beg, borrow, get a loan, sell everything to raise the money, right?

Would you do those same things to save yourself? Would you save, earn, invest, learn, and act on good decisions to have success in your life?

When you value your life as much as another’s life, you’ll move forward on your roadmap to success. If you’re thinking you’re not important enough, that the situation is not right, or “someday” you’ll change, you’re telling yourself a lie and not valuing what is important.

Are these things truly more important than making positive changes? If they are, than stop feeling guilty and make the decision to be happy the way you are.