Life is about serving others with our best gifts and talents and experiencing the simple joys that life offers. But do you ever feel resentful or depleted when giving to others?
If so, you may be creating your own unnecessary drama. If you feel resentful or are totally exhausted by all the giving you are doing, whether it’s personal or professional, you are a martyr. I read an article about this in the September edition of Oprah Magazine called, “Are you a drama mama?”, which gives a great example of this.
Martyr’s give too much to others and pretend it’s okay, but they are really overwhelmed and boiling over inside. Martyrs may even outwardly complain about the situation but then make excuses for why they “have to do” this or that. In most cases, it’s simply not true.
Some people are aware that they do this and some are so caught up in “the rut”, they don’t even realize how much has piled up on their plates. Consciously or unconsciously, martyrs think they have to punish themselves in this way to get love and acceptance. They think, “I have to DO for others, or I don’t deserve love”. This is what I like to call “stinking thinking”.
Most of you know what your limits are and need to respect your body and limitations. At the very least, you know when you feel exhausted or overworked over an extended period of time, and you know something has to change. If your health and wellbeing is being compromised because of how much you are doing for others, it’s time to stop being a drama mama or drama papa and set some boundaries!
I mean, let’s get real. If junior has to go to soccer practice, and you’re shoving him out the door without a proper meal and yelling at him all the way there because you have to “hurry up”, so you can get to the next thing after it’s over, do you think that’s giving him a quality life experience? Then, you might try to make up for your overwhelm or shortness in a situation by doing even more and then feeling totally exhausted. Sound familiar? If you don’t develop some balance and start saying no to what’s not vital in your life, you will find yourself emotionally and physically drained and sick and you will eventually be forced to slow down.
A few tips on how to change this.
- Plot out all your activities on your calendar, so you can see how much you are actually doing.
- Schedule extra time for every activity, so you have plenty of time and can slow down and be fully engaged.
- Schedule blocks of free time for yourself. You can use this time to read a book, get a massage, finish a personal project, or whatever is on your list that you consider important but it never seems to get done. Do not delete this time. You must honor these blocks of time like any other appointment.
- You will most likely find that something’s got to give. Good! Then, you’re doing this right. Now, ditch, delegate, or schedule items on your list you really don’t have time for. Saying “No” is okay! Not everyone will like this and that’s okay too. The people that really love you will understand and you will be much happier.
By not spreading yourself so thin, you’ll be able to be your best self and give quality instead of quantity to all that you do. Being fully present and connected in everything you do and slowing down to enjoy the people in your world is the best way to show gratitude and appreciation at this time of giving and all year round.
*this information does not take the place of medical treatment