Author Archives: Patricia Brawley, PhD, LPC

Taking Cortisol Out of the Closet

When I was a Master’s degree student, not much was mentioned about hormones. Sounds silly now because the counseling education now has become more integrated with neuroscience. Still, we overlook the impact of hormones in the psychological symptoms people experience.

Stress is a common experience that people report in a counseling session or a chat with friends. Stress does not discriminate. Age, race, gender, or job title. It’s still there. If we’re looking for Stress, we’ll find it hiding in plain sight among people with addiction, people worried about money, people who are away from family and feel homesick and people who are homeless with no one to help them. Students can’t concentrate, can’t remember because they are stressed. Old people too. It’s just different fear, but still they complain of forgetfulness and fear losing their mental abilities.

It doesn’t end there. There are thoughts that intrude, out of the blue. “Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the stove?” and “Does he/she still love me?”

There is no one “out there” asking these questions. We know that the brain is responsible for communicating with the body. So, when the brain senses external information from the environment, like having to take a test, it alerts the body about a perceived threat. This is good news, to some extent, because we need to get a boost of adrenaline, focus our attention, and get moving. Thoughts about the meaning of failing the test can create a life-or death belief about failing the test. This triggers the brain to send out signals to other bodily organs prompting the heart to speed up, the mouth to get dry, decrease hunger, dilate pupils, and the release of adrenaline or epinephrine.

If the nervous system is responsive, once the test has been taken and the student leaves the room, the nervous system slows down, heart rate returns to normal, pupils become normal and hunger returns.

But, what if something doesn’t work that way? What if the stressor (the test, for example) is not present but the person reacts as if something is there? What if we are living in a constant state of stress? Now, we get into the realm of learning more about the impact of thoughts, memory, imagination, beliefs, and perception. When a person experiences increased levels of stress, this translates to an increase of the stress hormone, Cortisol. This plays a major role is what comes to be known as Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Hives, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Insomnia, Muscle Tenseness, Headaches, Teeth Grinding, and more. When we are stressed, our body automatically stops focusing on boosting our immune system against other things, digesting our food, or any other “non-necessary” processes in that moment, so it can focus on handling “the immediate threat”.

The good thing is we know more about this cycle. We understand the immune system is compromised by stress and people catch more colds and viruses and stay sick longer. We also know we need Cortisol. Like salt sprinkled on our food throughout the day, we need a sprinkling of Cortisol throughout the body and a lot of it when we need to act quickly.

More good news: we can lower the level of unhealthy Cortisol. Here are some tips but know this is not everything and your medical doctor should always be consulted when you try something new.

1) Exercise. The recommendation is 30 to 60 minutes per day. But, anything counts. Pick something that fits your needs and physical abilities. As with most things, moderation is a good motto. Your Cortisol level will increase during exercise (what?). However, cortisol levels begin to decrease once exercise is complete.

2) Mindfulness. There are so many books, research articles, videos that you can learn all you want to learn about mindfulness practice with just a little effort. Mindful practices decrease activity in the stress response pattern and promote feelings of relaxation, calm, renewal.

3) Breathwork. You may recall when you are stressed your breathing is altered. We hold our breaths, breath very shallow, and feel like we can’t take a deep breath. Breathwork is practicing and learning about the way breath can affect cortisol, thus reduce stress. Diaphragmatic breathing and many other breath exercises puts you in more control of how you function and how you feel.

4) Thought Patrol. Hans Selye is credited with being the professor who pioneered stress research. One of his quotes is worth writing here. “It’s not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

Many therapeutic techniques, such as Cognitive Behavioral Theory, addresses the power of thoughts, particularly those that are crystal-ball thoughts or rooted in the past.

In summary, Cortisol exists for a reason, and it keeps us healthy and functioning well during life experiences. At the same time, it can get on the fast train and travel all over our bodies carrying the wrong messages or too many messages. If you learn about its role in your life, you can work toward helping yourself to have wellness instead of Stress.

If you’d like to work with me in therapy or coaching to work on the mental aspects of weight loss and stress management, I’d love to hear from you. We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

What’s Your Big Choice?

Your world is not perfect. It is filled with humans and humans have the potential to do wonderful and equally terrible things.

If you look at your own life, you will see both. Everyone has possibilities for good and episodes that show us how frail, shameful and quickly our “dark side” shows itself.
Seeing as this is the “human condition”, it is likely we come across other people and situations that annoy or frustrate us. The fast-food lines that are not fast anymore, for example. Taxes. Need I say more?

People we love can and probably will frustrate or annoy us at some point because that’s just life.

This is where the BIG Choice comes in. Do we 1.) refuse to accept things as they are (our perception) or 2.) choose to leave things as they are and not put anymore energy into them.

Not much of a choice? Well, if we can accept “things” that are not in our control to change, we can be at peace with them. Acceptance is a powerful trait and spiritual practice. But, it is not always the answer we want to choose, is it? So, the other choice – do you commit to changing it? If we can’t commit to changing it and we can’t accept it – what’s left?

It feels like an internal tug-of-war and it makes us feel stuck or like a victim, and at the very least we whine and feel upset.

I don’t like Climate Change effects. I want it to stop. I have accepted things don’t change because I want them to or in my selected time frame. Can I commit to changing something in the hope it will prevent things from getting worse? I think so. I need to know more.

I also have to accept that Climate Change is not on the top of the list for other people. I wouldn’t say it is on the top of my list, but it is important. I could choose to spend my time blaming people for their choices. Again, our human condition is to blame others.

What can I accept and what can I do to change it despite obstacles and problems that will arise? That’s the Big Choice question for all our concerns. Think of how many situations where this question is applicable. Careers, relationships, finances?

In therapy, a good question to ask is “What are you willing to give up or change?” This could refer to habits, relationships, addictions that bring us to the place where we have to make a choice or risk living on in suffering.

Try writing this question down in a notebook and answering it for yourself.

What I’ve learned is, even if things don’t change in the way I wish they would, the effort of working on change can give you meaning and hope. Acceptance might be hard but also liberating. Can you accept another person just as they are without a wish to change them? Would you want that same acceptance from another?

Change it or accept it. Both good choices and full of other possibilities.

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you find peace and joy and create a life by design, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

3 POWERFUL RESOURCES FOR GOOD MENTAL HEALTH

Good information can be just as delicious as your favorite recipe. I’d like to share these yummy morsels with you during this season of gratitude.

We don’t know everything about why meditation helps the brain behave better but the benefits of meditation practice are becoming widely acknowledged in the scientific and therapeutic communities. We live in a high stress society.

Diagnoses of depression and other mental illnesses, such as substance use disorders are increasing. By sharing meditation research and simple natural tools with you, I hope to provide you with information that can help you live with good health, happiness and peace.

Here are a few resources of mine that might help you as a supplement to other things you are doing to live a healthy life. Sometimes, just using simple tools like this can be enough without having to take medication. Every individual situation is different, but you can feel into what works for you.

1.) The Joy Handout – Ways to increase joy in your life by being intentional

2.) Lose Weight for Life Teleseminar - This is a recorded teleseminar that I did on losing emotional weight. It’s good for understanding our connection with food, but it’s also a powerful resource for anyone who needs to “lose” emotional baggage in their life to feel lighter and happier.

3.) 10 Steps to Easy Mediation for Beginners – This is a short article that walks you through exactly how to meditate if you are just getting started.

Can you use some coaching or therapy help?

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you create the life you truly want, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

Two Sides to Every Story

Something that came up for me during this season of change is the concept of phenomenology. It is defined as the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. It’s the study of an individual’s lived experience.

The picture on the right shows us a young woman. Or does it? Look closer, and it’s both a young woman and an old woman. What did your experience of this image show you first?

I was playing with this concept the other night when I was reviewing a short story that I’ve been working on for years off and on. More off then on.

The experts say we should be able to write one sentence that tells the reader what a story is about. I thought I would give that a whirl, since I already had a sentence I liked. But, in re-reading it, it didn’t tell anyone what the story was about at all.

I originally wrote,

“A photograph sets in motion a hunt for a killer. Two FBI agents, combining white trash smarts and Native American tracking skills, make capturing a killer look like a walk in the park, a trailer park, that is.”

I re-wrote it like this:

“When a young boy finds his murdered mother in a freezer, who could predict he would suffer in silence and direct his rage toward his absent father and the women he loved?”

At first glance, you would never even think this was the same story. This happens all the time in real life.

For example, a client tells a story he/she thinks is the problem. When we look at the bigger picture and ask what is this really about, an entirely different story emerges. It’s not really the husband’s drinking or the wife’s spending that’s the issue. It’s the betrayal and hurt felt as a child by each of them that has triggered their behaviors.

This is so important for us to consider as we are thinking about what motivates or suppresses us and how we feel about others. It affords a look through different eyes with grace and understanding.

JOURNAL EXERCISE:

Turn this around a bit for yourself. Sit and journal about it. Ask yourself, “What is the whole story behind my motivation to do THIS thing or what is holding me back?” Write the answer down, but keep asking this question over and over until you get to the very root of the story. Come back to it another day and ask yourself the same question again. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind the second time or find something new to add.

I’d love to read what you come up with. Feel free to email me or drop me a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn and let me know.

Reflections on Binge Behavior

Once people learn what binge behavior is and identify with it, they are often quite surprised. “You mean drinking 5 drinks at one event is a binge drinking event?” they ask.

Now comes the question of “Why?” Why does a person drink so many drinks at one sitting or eat so much food at one meal or snack? It could serve a purpose: repressing unwanted emotions (such as fear and loneliness), abandonment, or anxiety. It could serve the purpose of comforting or soothing yourself.

So what? you ask. Like binge drinking, if you only do it once a year, it’s no big deal. If you only eat the whole cake once a year, it was a bad day. But, binge behavior, such as binge eating is habit forming. It’s hard work, too. At the same time you are experiencing feelings, you are trying to suppress them. Food may be your way to repress your emotions.

So, it goes like this. I feel something – I have to eat to repress the feeling. – and it doesn’t last because I feel something else – and I have to eat more. To make matters more complicated, the feelings are attached to events that have long passed. Either way, people are addicted to deadening themselves.

The way out is to Gradually live with what is; become aware of feelings, thoughts, impulses and the million things that catch our attention. If you’ve been around people when they are newly sober, you’ll hear them talk about the magnificent sunrise or breathing clean air as though they had never noticed them before. They’re right. They were so shut down they could not become aware of nature.

Changing binge behavior is rarely a straight path. Uncomfortable feelings can send people back to the same reactions. Don’t give up. Create a safe place or practice, such as meditation or deep breathing. You’ll realize that it is liberating to live your life fully, and you’ll be in control of your behaviors.

Yoga practice begins with awareness of the breath. The breath is synced to movement, so we feel breath / energy move in our body. As we get used to this feeling, it becomes uncomfortable to block this feeling with food.

Deep relaxation practice keeps our nervous system in check. Tensing and relaxing each muscle group brings awareness of letting go, even fear-based responses.

In Meditation practice, we allow ourselves to separate from reactions to thoughts and emotions. We notice. We see. We keep breathing. We allow the thought to come and go and finally see that it is the nature of mind to offer thoughts but it is not mandatory that we react to them.

When supportive practices are developed, you will see clearly if you are ready to change. Be compassionate and take it slow. Let the binges decrease. This behavior is not serving you.

Loka Samastha Sukino Bhavantu said, “May all beings be free and happy.” Free yourself. Be with it and you will free with it!

After all, isn’t that why we celebrate Independence Day?!

What I Wish People Would Ask Me About Insurance and Therapy

Often my first contact with a potential client is by a telephone call or email. This is a time I would like to hear about their problem and let them know if I can help or not. That is what I wish to hear. What I really hear is, “Do you take my insurance?” Insurance is a big thing but it’s not the most important thing, is it? Is it more important that I can help you with XY or Z?

The insurance triangle. It’s a lot like the Bermuda triangle. It’s easy to get lost and never return. The conversation about insurance leads us down a hole. Am I on your provider panel? Have you met your deductible (most people don’t know). What is your co-pay? Do you want to file insurance knowing that your information will not be confidential (as in for my ears only). Some parents opt to pay out-of-pocket so their children will not have a “history.” Thinking of running for public office? Will your office visit for marital problems somehow “leak” out?

Confidentiality is sacred. Counselors treat it as such. That said, everyone knows about HIPPA laws from clerks, payers, and the ones filing claims.

The Difference between Counselors and Psychiatrists. I wish people knew the difference between counselors and psychiatrists. I am a licensed professional counselor with a PHD in Psychology. I am trained to conduct psychotherapy sessions, to listen, help people heal from trauma, set and achieve goals and more.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors with a specialty in the brain. They understand neurology, neurotransmitters, those “chemicals” in the brain, and the brain functioning. They are not trained in listening. So, when I get a call and the person says “I need to talk. I need a psychiatrist” I think they don’t know the difference or perhaps they actually do need both. That would not be unusual. Psychiatrists are experts in pharmacology. They know medication and the desired effect. If the client comes to me and can barely talk because they are severely depressed, I refer the client to a psychiatrist because we know an antidepressant will lift mood and make it easier for the client to talk about what is bothering him/her.

Social Work Versus Therapy / Counseling. I sometimes testify in court as an expert. Judges and lawyers can get confused about what expert does what. I remember a lawyer asking me, “Did you go to the home?” Answer: “No, I’m not a social worker.” One difference between therapists and social work is where work takes place. Social workers go to the person receiving help. It is either in an office or a place called “in the field” meaning outside the office. “In the field” can mean a client’s school or usually the client’s home. An office is usually a private place where therapist and client meet that is maintained by the therapist. Therapy is done at the therapist’s office. These days it is a virtual office.

Educational Background. I wish clients knew to ask about educational background. I don’t mean asking about passing or failing grades but whether or not I attended an accredited university and whether or not I am licensed. Becoming licensed is an arduous process. Most professionals holding themselves out to the public have made the effort to do the work and pass the test and pay dues every year. We must keep up on learning new things, comply with ethical standards, and contribute to our professional community’s support. Not all therapists are created equal.

Oh yes, one more thing. Please don’t ask your counselor their birthday, who they voted for, or their religious beliefs. We are ethically bound to our privacy. The focus of counseling is always about the client, and we are legally bound to keep it that way. So, please know that we like you and appreciate you, but we cannot share private things because it’s unethical for us.

I hope this helps unravel a little bit of what you may not learn from a referral or clinic about your options. If you have further questions, feel free to reach out to me!

How to Deal with Failure or Disappointment Checklist

1.) Three tips for surviving failure and learning to fail forward.

Learn from mistakes
Let go of what didn’t work
Don’t beat yourself up!

2.) Reframe negative situations. Use the following example to help you reframe your own negative situations & write some below.

A client emails you with corrections for a project you turned in the day before:
- Negative self talk: oh no – she must think I’m an idiot.
- Positive self talk: Great, I can fix these up and get them back to her in no time.

**Now, stop here and take out your notebook. Try to write down an example of something negative here and reframe it.

3.) Don’t get too attached to the original expected outcome of something by practicing:

Acceptance
Being present
Gratitude
Questioning yourself & why you’re attached to the outcome

Click here to download this from the website as an exercise to print.

I’m a Sucker for Anthems

I’m not a big sports fan, and the only baseball or football games I loved were those my grandsons played in. The national anthem was played and I noticed It roused emotions, even tears. And, I don’t even like most of the words like “bombs bursting in air.” I find it creepy.

But, the last line hits a home run, “Oh,say, does that Star-Spangled Banner yet wave O’re the land of the free and the home of the brave?”.

I could claim it is patriotism that moves me, but I get emotional over “God Save the Queen” as well. Of course, the music is grand, but it’s not just that. It is a reminder of all the people before us who worked to secure independence for us. I rather like being free.

There must have been days when they wanted to stay home, throw in the towel and give up. But, it seems on more days than not, they took the next step rusting in themselves and letting their faith carry them forward.

If you are working from home upstairs in a spare bedroom or on a laptop on the kitchen table—you’re unaware how the work you do will benefit others and yourself. You do it anyway, walking in faith. If you are writing the greatest Novel ever or writing in your daily journal, do you hear the talk in your head that makes you feel anxious? Or wind up living with the Impostor syndrome?

The next time you find yourself doubting yourself whether it’s your business, your writing or something else entirely, I recommend you do this:

Find strength in a line in your own “anthem” that demonstrates to those who come after you that you had what it took to move forward in faith and trust. Walt Whitman wrote that everybody has a verse to sing in this world.

Do that and take the next step in your journey.

“Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.”

~ Wallace Stevens

The Trap of the Familiar

The trap of the familiar is our tendency to seek comfort in the known and familiar experiences we have had. It is human nature, so don’t berate yourself if you align yourself with others with whom you find familiarity and comfort.

This seemingly unconscious desire to align with what or who we already know, rather than that which feels uncertain and insecure, gives rise to an inability to see and experience the truth. We are locked into a narrower perspective and miss out on an array of possibilities in every area of life, including personal growth and expression of your creativity.

Opening ourselves up to feelings of discomfort is not easy at first, but it’s almost always worth it. We need to be ready and willing to enter into mental spaces where we are not necessarily at ease. We need to face our fear of letting go.

It would be too deterministic to believe there is some set of simple instructions or protocols that can lead us to a place of harmony. If you have a strategy or tactic or some kind of fix that you think will have a particular result, you’re coming from a place of knowing rather than not knowing. Coming from a place of not knowing is more likely to lead us to greater harmony and openness. So we begin with simply not knowing.

So, examine your ideas and beliefs and be ready to drop them. Everything we need is already in us or around us—we simply need to move past any fixed perspective.

Try this powerful exercise.

Just for the fun of it, take a sheet of paper and draw a box, divide into four quadrants. Write these questions in each of the quadrants.

Question 1: What do I hate doing?
Question 2: What is NOT my job?
Question3: What should I stop doing?
Question 4: What are my distractions?

Be honest. Next, analyze your list and identify the #1 action step you will make to get closer to your vision of your creative self. For that you will need to free up time. Once you have delegated, eliminated, or automated all the things that are killing your time and spirit, you’ll have freed up “hidden” hours each week and brought yourself closer to expressing yourself or trying the unfamiliar.

What do you want to have in your free box? Make a life list, a bucket list, vision board, etc. and write a couple in your free box with a date by when you’d like to do this. Put it on your calendar – just for fun – to get your brain wrapped around this and you will automatically start to come up with strategies. Like magic.

If you are still pretending you are “fine”, read this article about Smiling Depression. Smiling Depression is when we’re depressed but we smile and tell everyone we’re fine. See if this is you.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/smiling-depression

What is Meditation and Why Should I do it?

Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation and believe it has a religious or spiritual meaning, but that’s not always true. Many people, including agnostics, find meditation to be beneficial and use it when they need serenity.

There are several different types of meditation but here are 3 of the most popular forms:

Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation where a mentor or teacher encourages someone to visualize a certain outcome. For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks. During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael..He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra. The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as Meditation
Another form of meditation is mindfulness. It’s focused on staying in the moment without fear or judgement. Rather, you become an observer of your inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you can sit or lie comfortably and listen to your thoughts. The key is not to react to what you’re thinking. For example, you think about cookies in the kitchen but then remember you’re supposed to be on a diet. You instantly feel guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best for you.

Ready to start meditating? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with the word Meditation in the subject line to learn more about an upcoming course/class.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes