Category Archives: Grit

The Trap of the Familiar

Skww3mhwSfWKD1w9JNIT_fileThe trap of the familiar is our tendency to seek comfort in the known and familiar experiences we have had. It is human nature, so don’t berate yourself if you align yourself with others with whom you find familiarity and comfort.

This seemingly unconscious desire to align with what or who we already know, rather than that which feels uncertain and insecure, gives rise to an inability to see and experience the truth. We are locked into a narrower perspective and miss out on an array of possibilities in every area of life, including personal growth and expression of your creativity.

Opening ourselves up to feelings of discomfort is not easy at first, but it’s almost always worth it. We need to be ready and willing to enter into mental spaces where we are not necessarily at ease. We need to face our fear of letting go.

It would be too deterministic to believe there is some set of simple instructions or protocols that can lead us to a place of harmony. If you have a strategy or tactic or some kind of fix that you think will have a particular result, you’re coming from a place of knowing rather than not knowing. Coming from a place of not knowing is more likely to lead us to greater harmony and openness. So we begin with simply not knowing.

So, examine your ideas and beliefs and be ready to drop them. Everything we need is already in us or around us—we simply need to move past any fixed perspective.

Try this powerful exercise. 

Just for the fun of it, take a sheet of paper and draw a box, divide into four quadrants. Write these questions in each of the quadrants.

Question 1: What do I hate doing?
Question 2: What is NOT my job?
Question3: What should I stop doing?
Question 4: What are my distractions?

Be honest. Next, analyze your list and identify the #1 action step you will make to get closer to your vision of your creative self. For that you will need to free up time. Once you have delegated, eliminated, or automated all the things that are killing your time and spirit, you’ll have freed up “hidden” hours each week and brought yourself closer to expressing yourself or trying the unfamiliar.

What do you want to have in your free box? Make a life list, a bucket list, vision board, etc. and write a couple in your free box with a date by when you’d like to do this. Put it on your calendar – just for fun – to get your brain wrapped around this and you will automatically start to come up with strategies. Like magic.

If you are still pretending you are “fine”, read this article about Smiling Depression. Smiling Depression is when we’re depressed but we smile and tell everyone we’re fine. See if this is you.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/smiling-depression

Nurturing Grit

kyle-glenn-_AR74EoWdy0-unsplashWhere does Grit come from? What is it? Do you want it?

One would think that children who were intelligent (I Q) and were socially intelligent (EQ) would do the best in school. Not always. Predictors of success in school and in life turn out to be Stamina, Passion, Persistence, in other words, Grit.

Every college teacher knows that students come into the classroom with a diverse educational background and a reason to succeed at succeeding or succeed at failing. Either way, they work hard. I remember my surprised when I learned that students from church schools taught by uneducated teachers competed well against their peers who were taught at private or public schools with trained educators. The difference between them was the church schooled students didn’t know as much as the others but they would go find the answers. They were willing to do the work. They wanted to learn more than play. I didn’t know what to call this then but now I would say they had “Grit.” They didn’t give up just because they didn’t know the answer.

There is a lesson to learn.

Whatever your gift, if you don’t take the time to ____________ (fill in the blank) write, exercise, etc. chances are you won’t end up with what you desire. You’ve heard that writers should write every day whether you feel like it or not. My meditation teacher, Jon Kabat Zinn, told us we should meditate every day whether we wanted to or not. Show some grit and do the thing you know you should do.

You will have setbacks. That’s the point. Don’t stop or give up. Find a hero who succeeded after rejection letters, failed attempts and still kept going. Pay homage.

Your day will get busy. Your attention collapses into that of a gnat.  That’s why you should write, exercise, do chores, or work early in the day before email, phone calls, and daily routines steal you away from your goals. Plan your creative time as though you were meeting a lover because you are. Fall in love with your desires, your work, or your art. That’s Grit, too.

None of us have to re-invent the wheel to let our light shine. Read about others, adapt their advice and apply it to your life.  You will soon feel more confident. If you put in the work and show up for your life and what motivates you, you’ll get better at whatever you are doing or learning. That is Grit, too.