Category Archives: Living with Intentionality

Free Yourself From Chronic Fear

Do you have a story or vision of yourself / your life that you’ve never lived out but you’ve always wanted to?

What holds you back? Could it be one of the four reasons listed below?

1. Is your fear relevant? Does it make sense? Maybe you can tone it down. Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

2. Leave yourself some room to come to your own conclusions about your life. Maybe you’ve been afraid to write that book, but now you realize that ‘s not what you really want to do but you’ve been afraid to admit it to yourself. We can change our minds.

3. Besides you, does anyone care about your fears? I can tell you, the answer is yes. I say that because people relate to the stories we tell. This is true even about scary stuff. Sharing your story/vision about your feelings on ____ (fill in the blank) in a story, poem, or conversation is a quick way to change the feeling because there will be someone who understands.

4. Is your soul shining through your fears? If you have a fear of doing something that you feel you need to do, want to do, and have a passion for and you want it really badly, but it’s stopped by fear of “what if”, that’s tragic.

There are two voices competing for your mind. One is the internal critic voice and the other is your champion voice. The critic is demanding and impedes your progress and weakens your resolve. If the internal critic is stronger, you will feel overwhelmed, fearful, and hopeless.

The good news: you can take away the critic’s power.

Here are some tips:

1. Keep other’s opinions of your dreams/work in the category of “not personal.” People have different tastes. So what?!

2. Remember, fear of success can bring up other fears, such fear of resentments from others. That’s not for you to plan your life around.

3. If you receive feedback see it as just that – feedback. It may be constructive, encouraging, or spark your internal critic.

4. Develop a process to deal with fears.

Do it in chunks. If you want to write, do it in 10-minute chunks. Start exercising? 10 minute chunk of time. Looking to move? Search real estate 10 minutes a day.

If your mind goes blank, just write or type XXX and keep going.

Write a note to yourself each evening about what you want to start with tomorrow. Your brain will create solutions during the night.

Protect Your Energy with Boundaries Planner – Free Download

Now is the season we start to plan more. There is Thanksgiving and Halloween, Christmas and a New Year to plan for. And then, there is your life stretched thin doing all that planning.

I am giving, yes giving, away a Planner that will help you put things in order. It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries, so it is good for your overall health.

It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries so it is good for your overall health.

In it are ways to create your Vision Board, brainstorm your life goals and put them into your life.

The planner uses the word “business” which helps you see your business goals. Feel free to substitute the words “my life” or your own word. It really is applicable to you no matter your definition.

Ironically, as I was writing to you about planning, a hurricane was brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. My night classes were cancelled and we made a grocery store run to plan for the unexpected. I thought, “How interesting! Life can feel like a hurricane, but if we plan our life, that can help us stay focused and out of the crazy of the storm.”

I should write “plan for hurricains” into my planner! Thankfully, we are safe and all is well now. Back to the plan.

Please download your free planner here. If you like it, pass it on to your friends and loved ones.

Change ONE Habit and Achieve Your Goals

And here we are in June!

Last summer I sent you pictures of my wee raised bed garden with a few plants. I had a moderate level of success at best. That’s the photo here on the left.

You’ll laugh when I tell you that I changed just ONE thing and got unstuck!

I created one new habit. I water the garden daily. Doesn’t that sound like “duh”… but for some reason I had believed that once-in-a while watering was good enough. I learned the hard way it wasn’t, but it didn’t take a huge change to get better results. And, I like watering in late evenings.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is likely you are struggling with something, too. I want to encourage you. I want you to consider that struggle is a habit that can be changed. Watch out for habits of thinking, “I can’t. It’s hard. I don’t know how. I’m not good enough.”, etc. They will sabotage your success.

Look what’s happening now!

What I’ve learned is our current habits have helped us achieve our current level of success.

If we want to level up, as they say, we have to develop new habits that support that success.

I think you will agree, when you really wanted to do something in life, you found a way. If you didn’t, you found excuses.

When I decided to go back to college, I was divorced with three young children and no job. One child was a 9-month-old baby.

Some things fell into place. My mother helped out, and I always worked 3 jobs. I found a way. When I thought I would never want a Master’s degree, I changed my mind and I found a way.

Later, when I wanted a PhD, I got a lot of resistance from others. Why do you want to do that? It costs too much. On and on. Yes, it did cost a lot. More than I want to tell you! But, the feeling of achieving my goal, my personal sense of accomplishment is not measurable. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself, but now I get to share everything I learned as an offering, a gift to those who are on their journey, too.

What habit can you develop that can help move you forward?

If you need a boost, check out my Moving Past Stuck exercise.

Remember, all I am doing is watering my garden daily. What one thing can you do daily for your life? You can do this!

Are You in Love With Old Stories?

Emma was a successful business owner who always told herself, “I’m not good with money.” She used this story as an excuse to not pay attention to the numbers in her business. She was constantly behind on her taxes and she procrastinated getting an LLC set up, even though she knew it would protect her.

But one day, a friend and fellow business owner called out Emma on what she was saying. Her friend told her that this story was holding her back from the next level of success. It was Emma’s way of playing small and staying safe.

What’s Your Story?

Every day, people create narratives about their lives. These are the stories they tell themselves about who they are, where they came from, and what they want.

Maybe you believe you’re a messy person. Saying that you’re messy means you don’t have to be responsible for cleaning up. Or perhaps you say, “I just don’t like people. They drive me crazy. I’m a hermit, this is just how I am.”

What Are You Gaining from This Story?

You can’t shed an old story until you understand why you keep holding onto it. For example, if you tell yourself you’re a hermit, you don’t have to step out of your comfort zone and get to know people. This story feels like it’s keeping you safe because you don’t have to risk getting to know other people.

Maybe your story helps you avoid responsibility. If you insist that you’re too disorganized to run a business, then you don’t have to take responsibility for turning your hobby into the business you’ve always dreamed of.

What Would Happen If You Let This Story Go?

If you’ve identified a story in your own life that isn’t serving you, ask yourself what would happen if you let it go. If you decide that you’re no longer a hermit, how would your life change? Would you start reaching out to the people around you? Would you build a wide network of friends that are eager to support and love on you?

If you decide that you can become organized and run your own business, what would that look like for you? Would you be able to pay off your debts and help your spouse quit that job he hates? Would you be able to send your kids to that private school you’ve always hoped they could attend?

Why New Stories Energize You

Emma took her friend’s words to heart and she got started creating a new story. She hired a bookkeeper so she knows exactly how much she earns. She started paying her taxes on time so she’s not behind anymore. She even filed for that LLC license she needed. Now, Emma doesn’t feel stressed about numbers. This means she’s free to spend her time on creating more products for the community she loves serving.

Letting go of old stories sets you free. It gives you energy and makes you see the world in a new way. It also helps you create space for more of what you love and want in your life.

If you need help with healing something or finding balance in your life, get information or schedule your own Discovery Session with me HERE.

The 4 Easy Things to Do to Live Your Vision

Are you enjoying the summer yet? My garden plants are finally growing and there is always something new to see. I have a vision. Don’t you think it’s good to have a vision of what you want to do in your life and work?

Sometimes my vision of helping people seems huge and overwhelming. How many clients can I see? How many students can I teach? However, that same vision can be inspiring and restorative. When someone meets his/her goal, like when someone takes a step out into a new career, it’s all worth it.

Here are 4 things I’ve learned about living your vision.

1. Let it live. Don’t hold on so tightly to a certain way it has to happen or look. Stop saying: “One day” or “When things are right, etc.” and start saying “today”. Please look at the short video below featuring Wayne Dyer to see why this is so.

2. Break your vision down like a recipe. What are all the parts of your vision? Some items are like a pinch of salt and others are 4 cups of peeled potatoes. It is more manageable this way.

3. Get your calendar out and pencil in a baby step every day. Always make rest a baby step because good ideas come when you are walking or resting or in the shower. Remember to write them down!

4. Let the vision of your life align with your other visions / goals. Design your life to have what you want in it. Do you want to live closer to family? In a different house? Do you want more freedom, adventure, travel, quiet retreat time, or time to write?

Perhaps your vision has changed from the one you had years ago. Feel what is true for you.

When you take a step, spirit will match it.

Listen to what Wayne Dyer had to say about this in his video HERE. (This video is presented by Hay House 2017.)

If you need help with healing something or finding balance in your life, get information or schedule your own Discovery Session with me HERE.

Tap into Your Superpower and Shine Your Own Light (Inspired by Bruce Lee)

At some time or another, we have all admired or looked up to someone. We may have thought, “Wow, what they are doing is great. I want to do or be that.” It’s good to have role models and mentors. And sometimes we like what someone else is doing so much, we do everything to support their goals and life’s work.

BUT are you paying enough attention to your heart’s desire? We often neglect or avoid looking inside ourselves to see what we really want because it’s easy to help someone else who already has it figured out.

The danger in doing this is that you miss the boat in achieving your true happiness, which is focusing on achieving the thing that lights you up inside. And, by doing that, you ultimately become your best self and offer the most help to the world.

I recently watched an excellent TEDx video on just this very thing, which highlights Bruce Lee’s message for us outlined by his daughter. You can watch the video HERE.

Here are the 3 principles his daughter shares based on the thoughts he left with the world.

Don’t think. Feel! – Get in touch with your heart. Meditate for a bit on what lights you up inside. Think about what got you excited as a child. What makes you happy? What do you love? What games did you play?

Align your actions with your thoughts and your heart (desires). Make a list of what you want to have achieved at the end of your life. Have goals but not just goals, dreams. Investigate this first. This is not always easy. There’s no one to say whether you are right or wrong. But where you put your personal effort aligned with your heart that the next step is.

Achieve harmony in the form of peace of mind. The goal of doing this is to reach peace of mind. There is no peace of mind if you are in judgment of others. Don’t worry about competition or adversity. Don’t duplicate anyone else. As the saying goes you need to be yourself because everyone else is taken. To operate and make a positive impact, focus on the greater good and how you can contribute to that in your own unique way. Decide what you want to offer to the world and act from the root of your being.

The Unspoken Truth About Bipolar Disorder

At some time or another you may have heard people say, that person is crazy. He / she is bipolar. So, we’ve learned to associate “crazy” with bipolar disorder. So many people use this term out of context.

I’d like to share with you what bipolar disorder is and what it isn’t. It IS a mood disorder marked for alternating periods of extreme happiness and depression. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can affect energy level, judgment, memory, concentration, appetite, sleep patterns, sex drive, and self-esteem.It can be treated with medication and healthy lifestyle choices.

Here’s what it IS NOT. Having bipolar disorder does not mean a person has split personalities. It does not mean they are crazy or violent. It does not mean someone had inadequate parenting. People with bipolar disorder CAN get better. Most people think they can’t. Having bipolar disorder does not mean someone is unfaithful or untrustworthy. Most importantly, bipolar disorder is not rare! It affects 5.7 million Americans each year, which is about 2.6% of the population.

Another thing that most people don’t know about people with bipolar disorder is that they are some of the most sensitive, creative people in the world. In fact, scientists are starting to believe that bipolar disorder was a gateway to human evolution. Watch the video about that HERE.

Are you living happily or just settling for so-so?

Did you read Henry Thoreau’s book, “Walden”? He is famous for the quote “Most men live lives of quiet desperation.”

The quote comes from an essay on the pain he saw in most people’s lives. As a therapist, I see it too. It’s not the type of pain that comes from illness. That can strike any of us. It has more to do with good people doing the best they can but are stuck in a life where they aren’t terribly miserable but they aren’t very happy.

It feels like having a low-grade fever on the happiness scale. Thoreau wrote about people who worked all month to pay the bills with little to show for it. They worked in jobs that didn’t suit them. They had little beauty, humor, art or joy in their lives. He called it “settling” for less than life could be.

Thoreau, a keen observer, could see that people were bored and always looking for a temporary pleasure to distract them or make them feel happy for a moment. He wrote about people staying so busy with mundane tasks that they used up any time or energy they could have used to explore living a fuller life. This is the act of “desperation.”

This month, our culture’s distraction with the weather and storms made me think about these things again. Too often, we fall prey to the media’s desire to dazzle us with the bizarre that we forget to make the most of our own lives, here and now.

Of course, we are all fascinated by the unusual and the extraordinary. We live in a time when anything that happens, anywhere on earth, comes into our homes and shows up on our email and phones, in “real time.” Used appropriately, our access to instant communication is a wonderful thing! No one can deny that.

But don’t let the daily news plus your daily routine prevent you from expressing the highest and best that is in you. There will always be worries about the economy, politics or threats of war. They are not substitutes for living according to your highest ideals.

Every day we have a choice of how we want to live. Do you choose to worry about everything or build the life you really want? Do you expend enormous energy on problems “out there” or proactively plan and address the challenges of living the life you choose? No one will tell you how to use your time and talents. That’s for you to decide.

Would you choose to build memories with your children or focus on tragedy? Would you read the best books ever written or watch more TV. Would you build your business, develop your skills or fret about the economy? Would you sing and dance to your own music or download more iTunes?

Throughout history, most people have worked to survive. We now live in a time when we have the best education an resources. We can enjoy healthy meals, great music, conversation, and listen to the smartest people on earth, often in person! And yet we so often let it pass us by.

In the coming month, make the choice to live your own life, in your own way, as best you can. Do one new thing or do at least one thing differently. Spend one hour exploring the highest and best that is in you. Then, take a moment to reflect on how it impacts your life. I’d love to hear about that.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes