Category Archives: Overcoming Bad Habits

10 Ways to Treat PTSD

You’ve heard the term PTSD since Vietnam. That’s when the medical and psychological communities began learning about it and how to treat it. Yes, it is treatable!

Depending on the severity, you may be able to treat it on your own. If not, there is help out there for you. If you or someone you know is experiencing PTSD so severely that it has caused you to consider suicide, self-harm, or harming others, please seek help immediately from a professional. It’s difficult to impossible to handle this on your own.

There is no one way to treat anything. Everyone is different, so different tools will work for different people. Here are a few approaches that work for most people.

1. Narrative therapy
2. EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
3. Art therapy
4. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
5. Pet Bonding, such as dog or equine therapy
6. Journaling/writing/poems
7. Eco-Therapy (nature inspired)
8. Biofeedback
9.. Mindfulness Practice / Meditation Practice
10. Yoga/Exercise

A FREE ART THERAPY EXERCISE – COLOR YOUR WORLD

One (very easy) therapy is coloring. You can let go of all thoughts when you are coloring and just enjoy the simple act.

As an act of love and healing, I created a wonderful coloring book for you to download. Adults or children can use it. Just print the coloring book, grab your favorite crayons or markers, and color your world!

DOWNLOAD COLORING BOOK.

Ways to Heal the Childhood Hurt

This month’s feature article, “Did you have a bad childhood?” was all about adverse childhood effects and their long-term impact.

BUT there are LOTS of techniques that can be used as methods to heal the pain and hardship trauma creates by channeling your energy and thoughts into something that brings you peace and joy.

Some calming activities include breath work, neurofeedback, guided imagery, creative arts expression and narrative interventions that foster a sense of autonomy and self-control.

These are practices that can be implemented by your therapist. If you’re not familiar with these, Google them. They are powerful! If you are a therapist, you can use these techniques with your clients.

Other calming activities include tai chi, exercise, volunteering, yoga and other mindfulness-based activities, and progressive muscle relaxation. Talk therapy can challenge internalized oppression.

COLOR YOUR WORLD

One (very easy) therapy is coloring. You can let go of all thoughts when you are coloring and just enjoy the simple act.

DOWNLOAD YOUR COLORING BOOK.

Did you have a bad childhood?

Trauma comes in many forms, and we probably all have suffered through something in our own childhood that we are still dealing with now.

It’s bound to happen. We are born with our own personalities, strengths, and weaknesses and we grow up dealing with all of that plus the product of whatever our parents went through.

Some level of trauma is relatively normal. And then there’s excessive trauma that can lead to long-term adverse effects.

Many of our issues / traumas are the product of something that we went through or witnessed in our childhood. It’s important to know that and identify it because that’s where the healing begins!

So, I’m going to give you a super short lesson on that here, so you can start to identify it and heal traumas in your own life and those that are near and dear to you. Here goes.

What are Adverse Childhood Events defined medically?

Adverse Childhood Events are defined as traumatic or stressful events that children endure between birth and age 18. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) lists the following specific traumatic events as ACEs.

Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Physical Neglect
Emotional Neglect
Intimate Partner Violence
Mother Treated Violently
Substance misuse Within Household
Household Mental Illness
Parental Separation or Divorce
Incarcerated Household Member
Parental Attachment Injury
Parental Institutionalization

Do any of these ring any bells for you?

Current studies suggest a strong correlation between high ACE scores and increased levels of life dysregulation (impairment to your body, psychological, or emotional processes), including the potential repetition of the initial ACEs themselves. You have most likely seen examples of this in your life. A friend had an abusive parent and then starting abusing their kids in adult life.

Children who suffer adverse childhood effects have a greater risk of disease, disabilities and early mortality. ACEs can interfere with development in ways that can be seen across the lifespan. Specifically, negative life outcomes are:

early initiation of alcohol and tobacco use that can be continued into adulthood
prescription drug use
lifetime illicit drug use
drug dependency
self-reported addiction
suicide attempts
lifetime depressive episodes
sleep disturbances in adults
high-risk sexual behavior
fetal mortality
negative pregnancy outcomes
mental health disorders, including mood, anxiety and behavior disorders.
a marked increase in the prevalence of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder

Adverse childhood experiences accounts for approximately 30% of the nation’s known mental health disorders. The Center for Disease Control lists ACEs as a significant public health concern and considers them to be a prime determinant of health.

According to research presented in 2017, individuals who have an ACE score of 4 or more are 1,500% more likely to commit suicide than are their counterparts. Individuals with ACE scores of 4 or more are 550 percent more likely to suffer from alcoholism, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), liver disease and asthma. Individuals with an ACE score or 6 or higher can potentially see their life expectancy drop by as much as 20 years.

Basically, the worse the childhood trauma is, the more likely they are to suffer long-term consequences with lasting effects.

In addition, hormonal implications of stress and ACEs have the potential to permanently alter the stress response. This response is linked to many diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes, stroke, asthsma, various cancers, irritable bowel, viral illnesses, alzheimer’s dementia, vascular dementia, depression and other mental health disorders.

Because of the drastic impact adverse childhood trauma can have, we want our children to have as stable of a life as possible or get treated as early as possible if they need help.

The good news is it’s not all gloom and doom! With therapy and by practicing life skills that help with coping and healing, individuals can work through these effects and have a good life.

There is more about techniques in my blog post Ways to Heal the Childhood Hurt.

**Some of the information on long-term adverse childhood effects was adapted from Baldwin, D. (Feb. 20180. What new counselors need to know about adverse childhood experiences. Counseling Today.

Change ONE Habit and Achieve Your Goals

And here we are in June!

Last summer I sent you pictures of my wee raised bed garden with a few plants. I had a moderate level of success at best. That’s the photo here on the left.

You’ll laugh when I tell you that I changed just ONE thing and got unstuck!

I created one new habit. I water the garden daily. Doesn’t that sound like “duh”… but for some reason I had believed that once-in-a while watering was good enough. I learned the hard way it wasn’t, but it didn’t take a huge change to get better results. And, I like watering in late evenings.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is likely you are struggling with something, too. I want to encourage you. I want you to consider that struggle is a habit that can be changed. Watch out for habits of thinking, “I can’t. It’s hard. I don’t know how. I’m not good enough.”, etc. They will sabotage your success.

Look what’s happening now!

What I’ve learned is our current habits have helped us achieve our current level of success.

If we want to level up, as they say, we have to develop new habits that support that success.

I think you will agree, when you really wanted to do something in life, you found a way. If you didn’t, you found excuses.

When I decided to go back to college, I was divorced with three young children and no job. One child was a 9-month-old baby.

Some things fell into place. My mother helped out, and I always worked 3 jobs. I found a way. When I thought I would never want a Master’s degree, I changed my mind and I found a way.

Later, when I wanted a PhD, I got a lot of resistance from others. Why do you want to do that? It costs too much. On and on. Yes, it did cost a lot. More than I want to tell you! But, the feeling of achieving my goal, my personal sense of accomplishment is not measurable. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself, but now I get to share everything I learned as an offering, a gift to those who are on their journey, too.

What habit can you develop that can help move you forward?

If you need a boost, check out my Moving Past Stuck exercise.

Remember, all I am doing is watering my garden daily. What one thing can you do daily for your life? You can do this!

Are You in Love With Old Stories?

Emma was a successful business owner who always told herself, “I’m not good with money.” She used this story as an excuse to not pay attention to the numbers in her business. She was constantly behind on her taxes and she procrastinated getting an LLC set up, even though she knew it would protect her.

But one day, a friend and fellow business owner called out Emma on what she was saying. Her friend told her that this story was holding her back from the next level of success. It was Emma’s way of playing small and staying safe.

What’s Your Story?

Every day, people create narratives about their lives. These are the stories they tell themselves about who they are, where they came from, and what they want.

Maybe you believe you’re a messy person. Saying that you’re messy means you don’t have to be responsible for cleaning up. Or perhaps you say, “I just don’t like people. They drive me crazy. I’m a hermit, this is just how I am.”

What Are You Gaining from This Story?

You can’t shed an old story until you understand why you keep holding onto it. For example, if you tell yourself you’re a hermit, you don’t have to step out of your comfort zone and get to know people. This story feels like it’s keeping you safe because you don’t have to risk getting to know other people.

Maybe your story helps you avoid responsibility. If you insist that you’re too disorganized to run a business, then you don’t have to take responsibility for turning your hobby into the business you’ve always dreamed of.

What Would Happen If You Let This Story Go?

If you’ve identified a story in your own life that isn’t serving you, ask yourself what would happen if you let it go. If you decide that you’re no longer a hermit, how would your life change? Would you start reaching out to the people around you? Would you build a wide network of friends that are eager to support and love on you?

If you decide that you can become organized and run your own business, what would that look like for you? Would you be able to pay off your debts and help your spouse quit that job he hates? Would you be able to send your kids to that private school you’ve always hoped they could attend?

Why New Stories Energize You

Emma took her friend’s words to heart and she got started creating a new story. She hired a bookkeeper so she knows exactly how much she earns. She started paying her taxes on time so she’s not behind anymore. She even filed for that LLC license she needed. Now, Emma doesn’t feel stressed about numbers. This means she’s free to spend her time on creating more products for the community she loves serving.

Letting go of old stories sets you free. It gives you energy and makes you see the world in a new way. It also helps you create space for more of what you love and want in your life.

If you need help with healing something or finding balance in your life, get information or schedule your own Discovery Session with me HERE.

Are you addicted to feeling dead?

Whether you use food, alcohol, drugs, work, texting or something else, suppressing emotions is habit-forming. The question is, “Why are feelings being generated by life and memories dreaded or boring?” Even if the events that are attached to emotions are long past and the issues are resolved, people often have the habit of numbing out while they are happening. When a person does this, the emotions do not go away. They linger and fester.

That’s why it is important to consider whether or not this has happened to you in any areas of your life. Have you noticed that the underlying goal of whatever your cover addiction is, is really to attain numbness or a deadness feeling state? Take a few deep breaths and pay think about this for a while. No worries, though. You can change any habit. You can become aware of your habits and vices that cover up your feelings and work toward becoming open to experiencing your feelings as they come.

The best way to do this is to just stop when you feel called to engage in the bad habit you know you want to break. Ask yourself why you want to do this thing right now and wait for the true answer to come to you. This is a worthy practice. Notice the word is “practice”. We’ll never be done with problems, memories, and feelings about them. Such is life. But acknowledging your feelings and choosing how to channel them (with writing, exercise, etc.) will help you get control of your life and health and let go of whatever is dulling your sparkle.

*this information does not take the place of medical treatment

Zentangle Your Way to Mindfulness

Just like any other bad habit or addiction, it’s important to find something to replace the behaviors that tie you to the dreaded outcome on the scale when you over eat. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. It could be stress, emotional eating, or boredom. If you’ve made food a “go-to” for comfort and/or joy, it’s time to insert something else into your life.

You can find a multitude of things to do to replace food when you are using it as a crutch and aren’t sure what to do with your time or emotions. I’ll just share one with you in this article.

I recently discovered an art form called Zentangle that promotes mindfulness, and it’s very easy to learn and do. What the heck is this?

It’s a relaxing way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It’s kind of a fancy form of doodling. Anyone can use it to create beautiful images. The photo shown here is a board done by a group of women who each did one “tangle” at a Zentangle workshop and then compiled a board or “Zentangle” with all of them on it.

All you need to Zentangle is a square of paper, a .01 graphic pen, and a tortillian pencil. That’s it. It’s very inexpensive. You can put it in your purse or even in the pockets of your clothes. You can take it anywhere and it works extremely well to calm you down and take your mind off of food and whatever is bothering you. Primary school teachers even use this tool to get their students focused and ready to learn new subject matter when they are anxious or restless, and it works like a charm!

What are the benefits to doing Zentangle? It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal wellbeing, and helps to combat boredom and frustration and calm the mind. If you want to learn more about Zentangle, you can go to this site and check it out https://www.zentangle.com/.

The difference between bad habits and unresolved emotions

We all have good habits and bad habits. No one is perfect and they make us who we are. Some of our bad habits are easier to change than others. We develop some of our bad habits because of other influences in our lives. They could be a result of who we spend our time with or as a result of our environment.

For example, if all of your co-workers go to McDonald’s for lunch every day and you never ate fast food, you may find yourself falling into the bad habit of going with them when you know that what you really need is a good salad. Or maybe you stay up late one night to watch television and you can’t fall asleep at your normal time for the next few nights because of it. That happened as a result of a repeated negative behavior. And sometimes habits like this are easy to break with small adjustments and a little will power.

But then, there are the bad habits that are really stubborn are the most deeply rooted. These habits are tied to our emotions and they are the hardest to break. In order to break these bad habits, you have to be aware of the emotions you are feeling when you carry out these behaviors. For example, you may have developed the habit of going to the cupboard and getting sweets when you were board as a child. The cookies and doughnuts were there for you when you needed to feel a little happy. And you parent may have always made sure there was a ready supply because they and you enjoyed them. They weren’t thinking about sabotaging your future weight loss goals. But, this habit you formed as a child associated with boredom was taught and your brain remembers it.

To combat these habits, you must become aware of them and give yourself a new way to cope with those feelings.

If you want to learn more about this, sign up here to immediately receive an mp3 of my 30-minute teleseminar with handout http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/. In it, I will give you a tool to help you control your emotional triggers.

You may be suffering from trauma and not even know it

I’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

What Do You Mean, I’m TOO OLD To Drink?

Yes, I know you’re over 21 and can do what you darn well please, including drinking. But, do you want to? You may not realize how dangerous it is for seniors to drink. If you or your family members are taking any medications (like Aspirin) and you still drink alcohol, you need to read this!

Alcohol helps many people relax or cope with changes in their lives. It’s not that easy to down-size, retire, deal with adult children and, possibly, aging parents at the same time. This is the plight of people over 55 years-old.

You’re not alone. You have family and friends going through the same thing. Let’s have another round. Put a few more ice cubes in my drink. What’s wrong with that? The doctor said a couple of glasses of wine was good for my health.

I’ll share a story with you. I was recently in a counseling session with an older couple whose marriage was in trouble. The wife was upset that her husband had stopped doing nearly everything. He was almost completely inactive and had become an entirely different person mentally and physically. Once I had the chance to talk to them, we figured out he was taking 3 or 4 powerful prescription meds that minimize one’s energy and drinking alcohol almost daily. Now who would feel like doing anything under those circumstances?

The couple didn’t realize how many depressive meds the husband was taking because he received them slowly over time and the dosages increased. They didn’t think of the drugs as downers because they were from a doctor and used to help with serious conditions. To add to that, he would take over-the-counter meds like Aspirin and give no thought to the effect it would have on his body.

Maybe this hasn’t happened to you but, for many, the glass of wine turns into a life-altering disease. Ask any director of a treatment center and you will hear those stories. How does this happen?

The fact is we get older and body functions (like metabolism) slow down. Two drinks feel and look like four. Because the liver and kidneys do not function as well as they once did and because 83% of people over age 65 are taking prescription drugs (for pain, anxiety, insomnia), your body has to process more than just the two drinks. And, the prescription drugs enhance the effects of alcohol. In negative ways.

We drink alcohol and take medications for the same reason — to feel better. Many people also have a history of using illicit drugs. The number of older adults using illicit drugs is expected to double by 2020 to 3.5 million people!

So, you can see why many people are shocked to learn what they’ve always done is now something they need to quit. Just at a time when all the stresses of aging and change are happening, and both physical and mental pains are emerging. And you may think, “But, it’s always worked before.”

You may be shocked to know why it’s different now and the simple medications that become harmful when they are coupled with any amount of alcohol. Because I care so deeply about senior health and happiness, I’ve written a full FREE report on this subject, which includes a list of drug interactions. Click here to download it now.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes