Author Archives: Patricia Brawley, PhD, LPC

Protect Your Energy with Boundaries Planner – Free Download

Custom Planner ImageNow is the season we start to plan more. There is Thanksgiving and Halloween, Christmas and a New Year to plan for. And then, there is your life stretched thin doing all that planning.

I am giving, yes giving, away a Planner that will help you put things in order. It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries, so it is good for your overall health.

It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries so it is good for your overall health.

In it are ways to create your Vision Board, brainstorm your life goals and put them into your life.

The planner uses the word “business” which helps you see your business goals. Feel free to substitute the words “my life” or your own word. It really is applicable to you no matter your definition.

Ironically, as I was writing to you about planning, a hurricane was brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. My night classes were cancelled and we made a grocery store run to plan for the unexpected. I thought, “How interesting! Life can feel like a hurricane, but if we plan our life, that can help us stay focused and out of the crazy of the storm.”

I should write “plan for hurricains” into my planner! :) Thankfully, we are safe and all is well now. Back to the plan. :)

Please download your free planner here. If you like it, pass it on to your friends and loved ones.

10 Ways to Treat PTSD

You’ve heard the term PTSD since Vietnam. That’s when the medical and psychological communities began learning about it and how to treat it. Yes, it is treatable!

Depending on the severity, you may be able to treat it on your own. If not, there is help out there for you. If you or someone you know is experiencing PTSD so severely that it has caused you to consider suicide, self-harm, or harming others, please seek help immediately from a professional. It’s difficult to impossible to handle this on your own.

There is no one way to treat anything. Everyone is different, so different tools will work for different people. Here are a few approaches that work for most people.

1. Narrative therapy
2. EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
3. Art therapy
4. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
5. Pet Bonding, such as dog or equine therapy
6. Journaling/writing/poems
7. Eco-Therapy (nature inspired)
8. Biofeedback
9.. Mindfulness Practice / Meditation Practice
10. Yoga/Exercise

A FREE ART THERAPY EXERCISE – COLOR YOUR WORLD2_4_Ways_to_Create_Coloring_Pages-image2

One (very easy) therapy is coloring. You can let go of all thoughts when you are coloring and just enjoy the simple act.

As an act of love and healing, I created a wonderful coloring book for you to download. Adults or children can use it. Just print the coloring book, grab your favorite crayons or markers, and color your world!

DOWNLOAD COLORING BOOK.

Ways to Heal the Childhood Hurt

5-Stepping_Away_from_Self-Limiting_Beliefs_and_Into_Your_Potential-image1This month’s feature article, “Did you have a bad childhood?” was all about adverse childhood effects and their long-term impact.

BUT there are LOTS of techniques that can be used as methods to heal the pain and hardship trauma creates by channeling your energy and thoughts into something that brings you peace and joy.

Some calming activities include breath work, neurofeedback, guided imagery, creative arts expression and narrative interventions that foster a sense of autonomy and self-control.

These are practices that can be implemented by your therapist. If you’re not familiar with these, Google them. They are powerful! If you are a therapist, you can use these techniques with your clients.

Other calming activities include tai chi, exercise, volunteering, yoga and other mindfulness-based activities, and progressive muscle relaxation. Talk therapy can challenge internalized oppression.

2_4_Ways_to_Create_Coloring_Pages-image2COLOR YOUR WORLD

One (very easy) therapy is coloring. You can let go of all thoughts when you are coloring and just enjoy the simple act.

As an act of love and healing, I created a wonderful coloring book for you to download. Adults or children can use it. Just print the coloring book, grab your favorite crayons or markers, and color your world!

DOWNLOAD YOUR COLORING BOOK.

Did you have a bad childhood?

kat-j-525336-unsplashTrauma comes in many forms, and we probably all have suffered through something in our own childhood that we are still dealing with now.

It’s bound to happen. We are born with our own personalities, strengths, and weaknesses and we grow up dealing with all of that plus the product of whatever our parents went through.

Some level of trauma is relatively normal. And then there’s excessive trauma that can lead to long-term adverse effects.

Many of our issues / traumas are the product of something that we went through or witnessed in our childhood. It’s important to know that and identify it because that’s where the healing begins!

So, I’m going to give you a super short lesson on that here, so you can start to identify it and heal traumas in your own life and those that are near and dear to you. Here goes.

What are Adverse Childhood Events defined medically?

Adverse Childhood Events are defined as traumatic or stressful events that children endure between birth and age 18. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) lists the following specific traumatic events as ACEs.

  • Physical Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Physical Neglect
  • Emotional Neglect
  • Intimate Partner Violence
  • Mother Treated Violently
  • Substance misuse Within Household
  • Household Mental Illness
  • Parental Separation or Divorce
  • Incarcerated Household Member
  • Parental Attachment Injury
  • Parental Institutionalization

Do any of these ring any bells for you?

Current studies suggest a strong correlation between high ACE scores and increased levels of life dysregulation (impairment to your body, psychological, or emotional processes), including the potential repetition of the initial ACEs themselves. You have most likely seen examples of this in your life. A friend had an abusive parent and then starting abusing their kids in adult life.

Children who suffer adverse childhood effects have a greater risk of disease, disabilities and early mortality. ACEs can interfere with development in ways that can be seen across the lifespan. Specifically, negative life outcomes are:

  • early initiation of alcohol and tobacco use that can be continued into adulthood
  • prescription drug use
  • lifetime illicit drug use
  • drug dependency
  • self-reported addiction
  • suicide attempts
  • lifetime depressive episodes
  • sleep disturbances in adults
  • high-risk sexual behavior
  • fetal mortality
  • negative pregnancy outcomes
  • mental health disorders, including mood, anxiety and behavior disorders.
  • a marked increase in the prevalence of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder

Adverse childhood experiences accounts for approximately 30% of the nation’s known mental health disorders. The Center for Disease Control lists ACEs as a significant public health concern and considers them to be a prime determinant of health.

According to research presented in 2017, individuals who have an ACE score of 4 or more are 1,500% more likely to commit suicide than are their counterparts. Individuals with ACE scores of 4 or more are 550 percent more likely to suffer from alcoholism, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), liver disease and asthma. Individuals with an ACE score or 6 or higher can potentially see their life expectancy drop by as much as 20 years.

Basically, the worse the childhood trauma is, the more likely they are to suffer long-term consequences with lasting effects.

In addition, hormonal implications of stress and ACEs have the potential to permanently alter the stress response. This response is linked to many diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes, stroke, asthsma, various cancers, irritable bowel, viral illnesses, alzheimer’s dementia, vascular dementia, depression and other mental health disorders.

Because of the drastic impact adverse childhood trauma can have, we want our children to have as stable of a life as possible or get treated as early as possible if they need help.

The good news is it’s not all gloom and doom! With therapy and by practicing life skills that help with coping and healing, individuals can work through these effects and have a good life.

There is more about techniques in my blog post Ways to Heal the Childhood Hurt.

**Some of the information on long-term adverse childhood effects was adapted from Baldwin, D. (Feb. 20180. What new counselors need to know about adverse childhood experiences. Counseling Today.

Change ONE Habit and Achieve Your Goals

MayGardenPhotoAnd here we are in June!

Last summer I sent you pictures of my wee raised bed garden with a few plants. I had a moderate level of success at best. That’s the photo here on the left.

You’ll laugh when I tell you that I changed just ONE thing and got unstuck!

I created one new habit. I water the garden daily. Doesn’t that sound like “duh”… but for some reason I had believed that once-in-a while watering was good enough. I learned the hard way it wasn’t, but it didn’t take a huge change to get better results. And, I like watering in late evenings.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is likely you are struggling with something, too. I want to encourage you. I want you to consider that struggle is a habit that can be changed. Watch out for habits of thinking, “I can’t. It’s hard. I don’t know how. I’m not good enough.”, etc. They will sabotage your success.

0611181048_Burst01Look what’s happening now!

What I’ve learned is our current habits have helped us achieve our current level of success.

If we want to level up, as they say, we have to develop new habits that support that success.

I think you will agree, when you really wanted to do something in life, you found a way. If you didn’t, you found excuses.

When I decided to go back to college, I was divorced with three young children and no job. One child was a 9-month-old baby.

Some things fell into place. My mother helped out, and I always worked 3 jobs. I found a way. When I thought I would never want a Master’s degree, I changed my mind and I found a way.

Later, when I wanted a PhD, I got a lot of resistance from others. Why do you want to do that? It costs too much. On and on. Yes, it did cost a lot. More than I want to tell you! But, the feeling of achieving my goal, my personal sense of accomplishment is not measurable. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself, but now I get to share everything I learned as an offering, a gift to those who are on their journey, too.

What habit can you develop that can help move you forward?

If you need a boost, check out my Moving Past Stuck exercise.

Remember, all I am doing is watering my garden daily. What one thing can you do daily for your life? You can do this!

Are You in Love With Old Stories?

1-Are You in Love with Your Old Stories-image1Emma was a successful business owner who always told herself, “I’m not good with money.” She used this story as an excuse to not pay attention to the numbers in her business. She was constantly behind on her taxes and she procrastinated getting an LLC set up, even though she knew it would protect her.

But one day, a friend and fellow business owner called out Emma on what she was saying. Her friend told her that this story was holding her back from the next level of success. It was Emma’s way of playing small and staying safe.

What’s Your Story?

Every day, people create narratives about their lives. These are the stories they tell themselves about who they are, where they came from, and what they want.

Maybe you believe you’re a messy person. Saying that you’re messy means you don’t have to be responsible for cleaning up. Or perhaps you say, “I just don’t like people. They drive me crazy. I’m a hermit, this is just how I am.”

What Are You Gaining from This Story?

You can’t shed an old story until you understand why you keep holding onto it. For example, if you tell yourself you’re a hermit, you don’t have to step out of your comfort zone and get to know people. This story feels like it’s keeping you safe because you don’t have to risk getting to know other people.

Maybe your story helps you avoid responsibility. If you insist that you’re too disorganized to run a business, then you don’t have to take responsibility for turning your hobby into the business you’ve always dreamed of.

What Would Happen If You Let This Story Go?

If you’ve identified a story in your own life that isn’t serving you, ask yourself what would happen if you let it go. If you decide that you’re no longer a hermit, how would your life change? Would you start reaching out to the people around you? Would you build a wide network of friends that are eager to support and love on you?

If you decide that you can become organized and run your own business, what would that look like for you? Would you be able to pay off your debts and help your spouse quit that job he hates? Would you be able to send your kids to that private school you’ve always hoped they could attend?

Why New Stories Energize You

Emma took her friend’s words to heart and she got started creating a new story. She hired a bookkeeper so she knows exactly how much she earns. She started paying her taxes on time so she’s not behind anymore. She even filed for that LLC license she needed. Now, Emma doesn’t feel stressed about numbers. This means she’s free to spend her time on creating more products for the community she loves serving.

Letting go of old stories sets you free. It gives you energy and makes you see the world in a new way. It also helps you create space for more of what you love and want in your life.

If you need help with healing something or finding balance in your life, get information or schedule your own Discovery Session with me HERE.

The 4 Easy Things to Do to Live Your Vision

photo-1455596120412-30a2e6c8e600Are you enjoying the summer yet? My garden plants are finally growing and there is always something new to see.  I have a vision. Don’t you think it’s good to have a vision of what you want to do in your life and work?

Sometimes my vision of helping people seems huge and overwhelming. How many clients can I see? How many students can I teach?  However, that same vision can be inspiring and restorative. When someone meets his/her goal, like when someone takes a step out into a new career, it’s all worth it.

Here are 4 things I’ve learned about living your vision.  

1. Let it live. Don’t hold on so tightly to a certain way it has to happen or look.  Stop saying: “One day” or “When things are right, etc.” and start saying “today”. Please look at the short video below featuring Wayne Dyer to see why this is so.

2. Break your vision down like a recipe. What are all the parts of your vision? Some items are like a pinch of salt and others are 4 cups of peeled potatoes. It is more manageable this way.

3. Get your calendar out and pencil in a baby step every day. Always make rest a baby step because good ideas come when you are walking or resting or in the shower. Remember to write them down!

4. Let the vision of your life align with your other visions / goals. Design your life to have what you want in it. Do you want to live closer to family? In a different  house? Do you want more freedom, adventure, travel, quiet retreat time, or time to write?

Perhaps your vision has changed from the one you had years ago. Feel what is true for you.

When you take a step, spirit will match it.


Listen to what Wayne Dyer had to say about this in his video HERE. (This video is presented by Hay House 2017.)

If you need help with healing something or finding balance in your life, get information or schedule your own Discovery Session with me HERE.

Try Hopping on One Leg

one_foot_hop_discountDo you need a little balance in your life? Tired of trying to do everything standing on one leg?

I get a funny picture in my mind when I picture myself trying to get everything done hopping around on one leg. You too? It feels like the harder I try to do everything, the harder it is to see the end in sight.

What would success or “the end” of my to- do list look like? Think about this for yourself. Would we be able to move on to more projects? Would we enjoy the present moment and not wait until a time in an imagined future? Would we take good care of ourselves? What challenges would you face?

One way to look at this is to remember the 80/20 principle. This is known as the Pareto Principle, which states that 20% of what we do produces 80% of results. So, if we identify the times when we are most happy and productive (remember the 20% produces 80% of our good feelings), then we can increase whatever we are doing in the 20% category, right? Let that other stuff go. The flip side is to identify the times we are least happy and productive and reduce that as much as possible.

However, I tend to be a laid-back workaholic most days. This is not helpful when trying to find balance in work and family life. I know. I could join Workaholics Anonymous, a 12-step program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous or I could obsess about things work related, problems in living, and doing three things at once.

The answer is found in the poem, ‘The Guest House” (see above).

Welcome everything. This is what it is like to have this feeling show up, this experience linger, this thought spinning in my head.

Feel free to email me your thoughts or just say hello at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

Eliminating Morning Stress

3-Eliminating Morning Stress-image1Everyone experiences a stressful morning occasionally. It might be that your alarm clock didn’t ring or your car wouldn’t start. Maybe you forgot the report you needed at the house or you left your grocery list on the kitchen counter.

If your mornings always feel stressful, then it’s a sign something needs to change. The good news is most morning stress can be eliminated by creating new habits. It can take a while for a habit to become routine but once it does, your morning will be so much smoother. Here’s how you can reclaim your mornings:

Prepare the night before.
A lot of morning stress can be eliminated by preparing for the morning in advance. Choose your clothes the night before so you already know what you’re going to wear. Pack your lunch and leave it in the fridge so you only have to grab it as you head out.

Skip the news.
Thanks to smartphones and tablets, you can now check the news without ever having to leave the comfort of your bed. But reading or viewing the latest new stories can cause you to experience anxiety and discouragement. Instead of looking forward to a new day, you feel overwhelmed and fearful.

This doesn’t mean you have to avoid the news all day. Staying connected to what’s happening around you is important. But pick and choose what types of news you really need to hear first thing in the morning. For example, you could look over the entertainment news or sport scores but choose to skip the main headlines until later.

Play positive tunes.
Create a morning playlist of music that makes you feel encouraged and play it as you’re starting your day. This will help you wake up and make it easier for you to focus on the positive. Music can also boost your productivity and creativity.

Don’t check your email or social media.
Most people experience their highest energy levels after waking up. Yet the first thing you may be tempted to do is check your email and social media networks. The problem with this is your inbox and networks are often filled with “urgent” messages. These urgent messages quickly crowd out the important tasks you need to get done today. The next thing you know it’s noon and all you’ve accomplished is answering your email and checking social media.

To prevent this, don’t check your email or social networks until later. After an hour or two of working, take a break to check your messages. Since you’ve already tackled the important tasks today, you can devote as much energy as needed to the urgent tasks you ignored earlier.

Morning stress can be a sign that it’s time to step back and evaluate your routines. Look at what’s causing you the most stress and seek simple solutions to fix them. By doing this, you can change your mornings from stressful to delightful!

Be a Morning Person