Category Archives: Dealing with Emotions

Do Less Give More

Life is about serving others with our best gifts and talents and experiencing the simple joys that life offers. But do you ever feel resentful or depleted when giving to others?

If so, you may be creating your own unnecessary drama. If you feel resentful or are totally exhausted by all the giving you are doing, whether it’s personal or professional, you are a martyr. I read an article about this in the September edition of Oprah Magazine called, “Are you a drama mama?”, which gives a great example of this.

Martyr’s give too much to others and pretend it’s okay, but they are really overwhelmed and boiling over inside. Martyrs may even outwardly complain about the situation but then make excuses for why they “have to do” this or that. In most cases, it’s simply not true.

Some people are aware that they do this and some are so caught up in “the rut”, they don’t even realize how much has piled up on their plates. Consciously or unconsciously, martyrs think they have to punish themselves in this way to get love and acceptance. They think, “I have to DO for others, or I don’t deserve love”. This is what I like to call “stinking thinking”.

Most of you know what your limits are and need to respect your body and limitations. At the very least, you know when you feel exhausted or overworked over an extended period of time, and you know something has to change. If your health and wellbeing is being compromised because of how much you are doing for others, it’s time to stop being a drama mama or drama papa and set some boundaries!

I mean, let’s get real. If junior has to go to soccer practice, and you’re shoving him out the door without a proper meal and yelling at him all the way there because you have to “hurry up”, so you can get to the next thing after it’s over, do you think that’s giving him a quality life experience? Then, you might try to make up for your overwhelm or shortness in a situation by doing even more and then feeling totally exhausted. Sound familiar? If you don’t develop some balance and start saying no to what’s not vital in your life, you will find yourself emotionally and physically drained and sick and you will eventually be forced to slow down.

A few tips on how to change this.

  1. Plot out all your activities on your calendar, so you can see how much you are actually doing.
  2. Schedule extra time for every activity, so you have plenty of time and can slow down and be fully engaged.
  3. Schedule blocks of free time for yourself. You can use this time to read a book, get a massage, finish a personal project, or whatever is on your list that you consider important but it never seems to get done. Do not delete this time. You must honor these blocks of time like any other appointment.
  4. You will most likely find that something’s got to give. Good! Then, you’re doing this right. Now, ditch, delegate, or schedule items on your list you really don’t have time for. Saying “No” is okay! Not everyone will like this and that’s okay too. The people that really love you will understand and you will be much happier.

By not spreading yourself so thin, you’ll be able to be your best self and give quality instead of quantity to all that you do. Being fully present and connected in everything you do and slowing down to enjoy the people in your world is the best way to show gratitude and appreciation at this time of giving and all year round.

*this information does not take the place of medical treatment

Zentangle Your Way to Mindfulness

Just like any other bad habit or addiction, it’s important to find something to replace the behaviors that tie you to the dreaded outcome on the scale when you over eat. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. It could be stress, emotional eating, or boredom. If you’ve made food a “go-to” for comfort and/or joy, it’s time to insert something else into your life.

You can find a multitude of things to do to replace food when you are using it as a crutch and aren’t sure what to do with your time or emotions. I’ll just share one with you in this article.

I recently discovered an art form called Zentangle that promotes mindfulness, and it’s very easy to learn and do. What the heck is this?

It’s a relaxing way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It’s kind of a fancy form of doodling. Anyone can use it to create beautiful images. The photo shown here is a board done by a group of women who each did one “tangle” at a Zentangle workshop and then compiled a board or “Zentangle” with all of them on it.

All you need to Zentangle is a square of paper, a .01 graphic pen, and a tortillian pencil. That’s it. It’s very inexpensive. You can put it in your purse or even in the pockets of your clothes. You can take it anywhere and it works extremely well to calm you down and take your mind off of food and whatever is bothering you. Primary school teachers even use this tool to get their students focused and ready to learn new subject matter when they are anxious or restless, and it works like a charm!

What are the benefits to doing Zentangle? It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal wellbeing, and helps to combat boredom and frustration and calm the mind. If you want to learn more about Zentangle, you can go to this site and check it out https://www.zentangle.com/.

3 Ways to Break Up with Summer and FALL in Love

treeloveDuring the fall season everything starts to change. The world as you know it starts to prepare itself to sleep. The leaves turn colors and fall from the trees, our season of fun and taking it easy comes to an end, the days get shorter, and the temperature outside drops and animals go into hibernation. Fall and winter are a time of “death” to prepare for outstanding “re-birth” in the spring.

What does this mean for you?

You are also part of nature, and it’s normal for you to experience physical, mental and emotional changes too. Like other animals, your body goes into “hibernation mode”. You may feel more tired and hungry than usual.  It’s also natural to feel a little sad or cranky. Some people want to nest. Nesting is when a person instinctually wants to clean out their physical spaces or other areas of life. Many people go through a very slight summer “mourning” process. It’s almost as if you are breaking up with summer. If this is not enough, fall is a naturally busier time as well, since the kids are back to school and we often get busier at work. So just as we reach a time of lower energy, we are expected to step it up, right?

Here’s the good news. Just because your body naturally goes through these changes, that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing. Help yourself fall in love with fall! You are aware of what is happening to you during the fall, so you have an opportunity to use your natural rhythms to accomplish great things! Here are a few great things you can do to embrace and enjoy this transitional time.

Clear out the Clutter. Clean out your closets and other areas of your home or office that are cluttered. If you didn’t get around to this over the summer because you were out enjoying your life, now is a great time to take action and clear things out before winter comes. Because it’s not as warm outside, it’s a great time to have a yard sale or tackle an outside project.

Release What’s Not Serving You. Maybe you need to clear out old relationships that are no longer serving you well. In Tyler Perry’s play, Medea goes to Jail, Medea (the main character) talks about seasonal people versus those people in our lives who are “roots”. She suggests that, when people make us unhappy, they are supposed to be “seasonal” and fall out of our lives like the leaves in the fall. This beautiful analogy can also be applied to work, stagnant goals, and many other parts of life. Set some quiet time aside to assess your life and create a plan to say goodbye to people, things or goals that aren’t working out in your life In article I read recently in O Magazine, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how we need to reach “catharsis”. Catharsis is defined as, “the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.” According to Gilbert and her friend Jim MacLaren, you cannot reach full catharsis until you totally let go of what’s bugging you. You can’t stay half in and half out and feel total relief. So, let it go!

Have Fun and Find Ways to Keep Your Blues at Bay. There are tons of ways to have fun during the fall even when it’s cold and rainy. On nice days, go outside and rake the leaves, take a walk or ride a bike. Soak up the sun whenever you get the chance. Visit a pumpkin patch if one is close by or go to a local zoo. Let yourself take a nap and leave the window open, so you can enjoy the weather. Even a short 20-minute nap can make a huge difference in the way you feel. On the rainy days, enjoy a cup of your favorite tea, diffuse some essential oils, or do an art project and find your creative sweet spot.

Whatever your fall rhythm is, embrace it and live it up!

Your Biggest Regret – A Life Changing 3 Minute Video

I found this powerful video that highlights the biggest reason why you shouldn’t fear change. It’s a great complement to last week’s blog article about making change easy. If you read my article last week, you know what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, watch this video and click HERE to read last week’s post. It may just give you the push you need to make some needed changes in your life!

Click HERE or on the image below to watch the video.

yourbiggestregret

6 Ways to Make Change Easy

Everyone has to make changes at some time in ?their lives. It’s a fact that change is a natural part of every human’s life. Those who do not adapt will die. It’s a simple law of nature.

Since you already know you have to undergo change in your life, why don’t you start thinking about it differently to make it easier on yourself?

1.) Negative Self Talk. Human beings do this because our brains are hard wired to think negative thoughts, especially when we are afraid of something. Our primitive mind takes over and we go into fight or flight mode. Sit quietly and breathe and tell your “lizard brain” that you are just fine and this change is going to lead to something positive in your life. Instead of thinking and saying, “This change is going to be so difficult.”, think and say (out loud) stuff like, “This change is going to create new opportunities in my life.” Or, “This diet is going to serve me well because I’m getting healthier and feel better.” You get the idea. Thoughts become things, so make yours good ones.

2.) The point of Freak Out. After you make a change in your life, it becomes uncomfortable at some point. This is what I call “the point of freak out”. It’s the point at which you keep moving forward or revert back to “what was”. Perhaps the excitement has worn off, you don’t immediately see the results you were looking for when you started, or you miss something about the way “things used to be”. The thing that will help you survive this bump in the road is to remember your feelings of missing something familiar or not feeling totally comfortable with “what is” right now are totally normal!

3.) Give yourself a way out. You can also make the decision here to stick with the change for a set time period and reassess your feelings. Decide what your alternative will be if you make a change and aren’t happy with the outcome. Very few changes in life are permanent. If you move somewhere new and you don’t like it, move back after a year. If you try a new career path and it isn’t for you, you can always change jobs. Or you can start off volunteering or doing side work in the career path you think you’d like to move to and see how that feels for you. If the change is a permanent one like deciding to have a child, adopt a puppy and see how that works out first or ask if you could help a friend or family member with their parental duties to see how it feels to handle the routine of a parent. Just knowing you have a way out or “plan B” is comforting.

4.) Drop the zeros and be your own hero. You don’t need any negative influences in your life while you’re trying to make positive changes or going through inevitable changes that you can deal with in a positive way. So, stop listening to the “Debbie Downers” in your life and talk to people who are willing to support you in what you’re going through. Talk to people who have been where you are and came out successful on the other side.

5.) Inspect what you expect. Remember that big change does not happen overnight. Be willing to accept that you may need to take small steps toward a larger goal. You will get there eventually! If you feel like things are not happening fast enough for you, reassess your position and goals. You may need to change your expectations to slow things down or make time and space in your life to move things forward faster.

6.) Celebrate your wins! This is the most important part of change. Celebrate all of your small steps / wins that come along with your change. Every step no matter how large or small is a step closer to getting you where you want or need to be.

I hope this short map helps you navigate the path on your journey of change we call life! If you want a great tool to help you chart your course through this journey, Sign up or my free writing course here (on the right side of the screen) http://themuseskiss.com/. 

This is not like me.

personlookingatthinselfHave you ever said that to yourself? It could have been a time when you blurted out something you regretted saying or did something out of character and felt embarrassed. Maybe, other people even said that about you, “That’s not like her.”

More personally, when you look in the mirror, do you ever judge yourself and think, “This is not me. The real me is much slimmer and younger!” This short pronouncement can lead to a sense of something being wrong, a disease of the body driven by the mind causing distraction and anguish.

There are times when “This is not me” is useful. For example, when you have a sense you’re getting sick but the doctor says everything is normal. That feeling of something in the body being “off” doesn’t go away and usually motivates us to get back to what we think we used to be. Exercising, sleeping more, and drinking less are all pursued with hope that we will re-capture how we used to be.

If we know or perceive our bodies to be different than we desire, there is a tendency to try lots of tactics to create or re-capture the body we think we used to have…when it fell in line with “That’s me.”

But, what is “me”?

If I had you draw an outline of your body and look at your hands, would that be you? If I asked you to color in areas that are sore, stiff, fat, etc. would that be you? No. But, if I asked you about belly fat, would you think that was you? It seems there a zillion commercials and testimonies about belly fat these days.

When you think about your real “me”, it’s likely to center on your heart. Everyone has a dream or vision of what they would be like if circumstances would cooperate and a full expression of talents in a body that fits the vision could appear. It is important to examine these whispered longings of dreams. Do you hide them? Have you given up on them? Is that part of the reason the image in the mirror doesn’t feel like you?

Since everything changes and we are subject to aging and all that comes with it, it’s likely some dreams are screaming to be realized and some are the yearnings of days gone by — not really what you want for yourself at this time in life. Isn’t it time to discover what is most important to you now because “now” is always the perfect time?

Let yourself dream…try it on in your imagination until if feels like you. Ask yourself these questions. Does it make you smile? Feel lighter? Motivate change? Do you want to sabotage your current self? Stay the same? Hide from yourself? Do you think this is good for your mental and physical health?

Maybe you’ll become conscious of what your body needs and doesn’t need in order to feel like the “me” you want to be. Maybe you’ll decide not to write the novel of the century you had in mind but instead to focus on writing the most delicious emails to people you care about. We’ve all chased dreams that wound up being an unwise choices. Don’t worry, you won’t do that again. Or maybe you learned and you’re ready to shape your life and create an environment to suit yourself.

Keep dreaming until you dream yourself into a new reality…one you will create and relish. Take action because you are not just a number or phrase. There is more to your “me” than that!

The difference between bad habits and unresolved emotions

We all have good habits and bad habits. No one is perfect and they make us who we are. Some of our bad habits are easier to change than others.  We develop some of our bad habits because of other influences in our lives. They could be a result of who we spend our time with or as a result of our environment.

For example, if all of your co-workers go to McDonald’s for lunch every day and you never ate fast food, you may find yourself falling into the bad habit of going with them when you know that what you really need is a good salad. Or maybe you stay up late one night to watch television and you can’t fall asleep at your normal time for the next few nights because of it. That happened as a result of a repeated negative behavior. And sometimes habits like this are easy to break with small adjustments and a little will power.

But then, there are the bad habits that are really stubborn are the most deeply rooted. These habits are tied to our emotions and they are the hardest to break. In order to break these bad habits, you have to be aware of the emotions you are feeling when you carry out these behaviors. For example, you may have developed the habit of going to the cupboard and getting sweets when you were board as a child. The cookies and doughnuts were there for you when you needed to feel a little happy. And you parent may have always made sure there was a ready supply because they and you enjoyed them. They weren’t thinking about sabotaging your future weight loss goals. But, this habit you formed as a child associated with boredom was taught and your brain remembers it.

To combat these habits, you must become aware of them and give yourself a new way to cope with those feelings.

If you want to learn more about this, sign up here to immediately receive an mp3 of my 30-minute teleseminar with handout http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/. In it, I will give you a tool to help you control your emotional triggers.

You may be suffering from trauma and not even know it

I’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

What Do You Mean, I’m TOO OLD To Drink?

Yes, I know you’re over 21 and can do what you darn well please, including drinking. But, do you want to? You may not realize how dangerous it is for seniors to drink. If you or your family members are taking any medications (like Aspirin) and you still drink alcohol, you need to read this!

Alcohol helps many people relax or cope with changes in their lives. It’s not that easy to down-size, retire, deal with adult children and, possibly, aging parents at the same time. This is the plight of people over 55 years-old.

You’re not alone. You have family and friends going through the same thing. Let’s have another round. Put a few more ice cubes in my drink. What’s wrong with that? The doctor said a couple of glasses of wine was good for my health.

I’ll share a story with you. I was recently in a counseling session with an older couple whose marriage was in trouble. The wife was upset that her husband had stopped doing nearly everything. He was almost completely inactive and had become an entirely different person mentally and physically. Once I had the chance to talk to them, we figured out he was taking 3 or 4 powerful prescription meds that minimize one’s energy and drinking alcohol almost daily. Now who would feel like doing anything under those circumstances?

The couple didn’t realize how many depressive meds the husband was taking because he received them slowly over time and the dosages increased. They didn’t think of the drugs as downers because they were from a doctor and used to help with serious conditions. To add to that, he would take over-the-counter meds like Aspirin and give no thought to the effect it would have on his body.

Maybe this hasn’t happened to you but, for many, the glass of wine turns into a life-altering disease. Ask any director of a treatment center and you will hear those stories. How does this happen?

The fact is we get older and body functions (like metabolism) slow down. Two drinks feel and look like four. Because the liver and kidneys do not function as well as they once did and because 83% of people over age 65 are taking prescription drugs (for pain, anxiety, insomnia), your body has to process more than just the two drinks. And, the prescription drugs enhance the effects of alcohol. In negative ways.

We drink alcohol and take medications for the same reason — to feel better. Many people also have a history of using illicit drugs. The number of older adults using illicit drugs is expected to double by 2020 to 3.5 million people!

So, you can see why many people are shocked to learn what they’ve always done is now something they need to quit. Just at a time when all the stresses of aging and change are happening, and both physical and mental pains are emerging.  And you may think, “But, it’s always worked before.”

You may be shocked to know why it’s different now and the simple medications that become harmful when they are coupled with any amount of alcohol. Because I care so deeply about senior health and happiness, I’ve written a full FREE report on this subject, which includes a list of drug interactions. Click here to download it now.

Healing the Hand That Feeds You

You’ve heard the phrase, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Right? Are you following your own advice?

If eating is the only thing you do fast and quick during the day, this may be part of the reason you are gaining (or just not losing weight).  I can hear you telling me the reasons: “I have limited time.”, “I’m always on the run.”, or “It’s a habit.” I get it.

But, the consequences are not feeling full, which means eating more, poor digestion, and eating too much because your stomach doesn’t have time to send the “time out” signal to your brain, and you don’t enjoy your food – food which hundreds of people have worked hard to deliver to your table.

Can you see the value in tasting your food? Can you remember the feeling of being full when you didn’t eat in a hurry?

And, if you are using food to cope with emotions and / or memories, then you are abusing both your body and the food.

So pretend there’s a speed bump up ahead. You would slow down wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want to drive full speed ahead and bounce yourself senseless (although we’ve all done that when we were not planning for a speed bump to be there). And, if you kept driving full force over the speed bump? Just saying.

Here’s the “how-to-avoid-bouncing-over-a-speed-bump” type of eating:

First, realize you do not have anywhere to rush to and you are aware of the upcoming speed bump.

Week 1: From now on when you eat, consciously take small bites. No stuffing your face. Eat as much as you want but take small bites. It’s okay to have leftovers for snack time later.

Week 2: Keep taking small bites and chew these bites longer than you usually do. Try for 15-20 times a bite. Make a game out of it. Challenge yourself. Whatever it takes. Slow down and chew. Eat as much as you want but do this.  Please schedule a few extra minutes for meal time than you usually would.

Week 3: Yummmmmy. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing your food, really savor the taste of each bite. With each bite, determine if it is mostly sweet, sour, salty, or bitter.  When we eat fast, we swallow without tasting. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing longer, you will have a different experience from the simple act of eating. It’s magnificent. You may find that your favorite foods don’t taste as good as you thought they did. It was habit to eat them but not to taste them.

Week 4: You may be doing this already, but, if you’re not, make a conscious effort to swallow before taking the next bite. Conscious is the key word here. A pause. Like talking and having a period at the end of your sentence. You don’t quit talking but you can hear the pause. Now, taste the pause of eating.

Week 5:  Now that you’re pausing between bites, take more sips of a no-calorie beverage. Drink your beverage the same way. Sips, not gulps. Enjoy the taste or refreshing feeling of the beverage.

Week 6: This is the book-end to your meal. At the beginning, rate or become aware of how hungry you feel. Give it a name: ravenous, mildly hungry, etc.  About mid-way through your meal, raise your awareness of how your hunger is changing. At the end of the meal rate your hunger again. It’s part of the eating experience most people overlook. Like a wave, hunger rises and falls during the day. Wait for hunger to rise rather than eating by the clock, if you must. Get to know your rhythms. What times does your hunger show up? Go away?

**If you find it challenging to answer these questions and think you may need help, my free teleseminar may help you get to the root of things and get your answers. You can check it out here http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.