Category Archives: Getting Clear

Simmering in Distractions

“Shut up, shut up, I’m busy.” were the last words radioed by the captain of the Titanic before it hit the iceberg and sank. He was warned. The ship sank because of his distraction.

How many things do you miss because of distraction? Health changes? Relationship secrets? It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time for this.” and return to your cell phone, tablets, TV shows, and so on. No wonder it is hard for people to slow down and enjoy silence or the sounds of nature or looking at the starry skies.

Rumi, the great Persian poet of old, gave this advice in a poem: “Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof.” Do you feel the warning in his words? Is it necessary to do it all at once? Can you drive without texting? Can you enjoy conversation with friends without looking at your watch or getting anxious about your to-do plan for the day? Can you enjoy reading or allowing creativity to emerge in verse, art, words, landscaping, beauty?

Research proves multi-tasking is not as effective as mindful attention to one thing at a time. Technology has changed our lives for better and for worse.

Just wait until Artificial Intelligence moves into your home! I am not advocating against technology. I am suggesting we “simmer” with it and learn to keep the distractions to a minimum while we live an authentic, creative life.

Need a start? Try these antidotes:

1.) Notice the behavior (ie; urge to text at work/driving)
2.) Try something different (ie; hum/sing)
3.) Commit to practicing that new behavior until it becomes natural

There is no need to fall off the roof. Sit and simmer with your thoughts and relationships. Hopefully, you will not be too busy to miss the iceberg.

Using a Vison Board to Plan Your Goals

Vision boarding is one of my favorite ways to dream and attract what I want more of into my life.

What is a vision board?

The basic definition of a vision board is a visual manifestation of your goals. So, in order to create a vision board, you have to know what your goals are first!

GOALS

You have to do some deep work and plot out your goals prior to the vision boarding. Deciding on your goals and creating the visual representation of them are really two totally different exercises, and the goals have to come first.

That said, you don’t necessarily need to create a board for ALL your goals right away. If that feels too big, pick just 3 things. They could be how you want to feel, what you want to do, or a combo of both. Your goals don’t have to be perfect, and you may identify more as you work on the visual, but you at least need a few basics.

Examples of some tangible goals include becoming debt free, traveling to particular locations, moving into a new home, freeing up your time by delegating, changing your mindset.

VISION

Once you know goals that are most important, you are ready to create a powerful visual representation of them.

Here are some guidelines for creating your board:

Get a ton of different magazines, newspapers, or books that are meaningful to your goals and that you can cut things out of. If you know you want to do a lot of travel, get travel magazines. If you know you want to remodel, you may want to pick up a couple of Better Home and Garden mags. Ask friends if they have any you can have and feel free to use free ones as well.

Pick up stickers. You can get beautiful stickers from a craft store like Michael’s They have a huge selection of all kinds of stickers, and they are themed. They have a section for wedding stickers, travel stickers, life stickers…you name it. You can also order them on Amazon and look up anything you want. You can also look up “vison boarding stickers”, and you’ll get a ton of motivational phrase stickers and positive statement stickers.

Look up images online or print personal pictures of yourself, your business, or your family. I open up a Word doc and paste images in it that make the board even more personal, and print and cut those out. I recommend creating your goals as if they’ve already happened. Use words or photos like, “Mission accomplished! I made $300k this year.” as an example.

Get a board that works for you. I strongly recommend using foam boards because they are thick and look lovely when you hang them, and they are very durable. I decided to use an old canvas I found that is ruined and can’t be painted on, but it can be glued on!

Creative elements. You can order letters if you want to create words, write on washy tape and stick that on adding a powerful phrase in pen that works for you. Use glitter, paint, markers or whatever medium feels right to you.

Personalize it and pepper in meaningful items. If you have something that is meaningful to you and feels lucky or positive, tape or glue it on! A coin, a piece of string, a piece of jewelry, a crystal…whatever makes you feel jazzed, inspired, and seems to carry some magic in it when it shows up in your life is a fine addition.

A few things to note

Once everything is cut, consider the order / placement of your board. You want to create something that aligns with attracting what you want. For example, if I have two images next to each other and one says “joy” and the other says “eliminate” (meant for something else on the board), I might eliminate joy, and that would not be good. ???? So, just consider where you are placing things and how. You should feel into it and not think into it. Do your vison board in a calm headspace when you can tap into your intuition. That’s where the magic happens.

Use positive statements only. Avoid using negative statements like, “I won’t do this anymore.” That might accidentally attract the negative thing you don’t want. Instead, say, “I will do this.” and make it a positive statement for what you’d like to see instead.

Dream and get creative. This is supposed to be FUN. Your vision can be anything you want it to be, so make it amazing. Even if you think it’s a far out goal but you know you really want it, put it on there! Dream big!

Make it specific. If you want to lose weight, put a few stickers or images to represent “the how”. Add an image of a piece of exercise equipment or a photo of your gym and healthy food you’ll actually prep, or a class you’ll join during the year as examples.

Have fun with this exercise! I’d love to see what you come up with. Feel free to email me with a photo of it!

Two Sides to Every Story

Something that came up for me during this season of change is the concept of phenomenology. It is defined as the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. It’s the study of an individual’s lived experience.

The picture on the right shows us a young woman. Or does it? Look closer, and it’s both a young woman and an old woman. What did your experience of this image show you first?

I was playing with this concept the other night when I was reviewing a short story that I’ve been working on for years off and on. More off then on.

The experts say we should be able to write one sentence that tells the reader what a story is about. I thought I would give that a whirl, since I already had a sentence I liked. But, in re-reading it, it didn’t tell anyone what the story was about at all.

I originally wrote,

“A photograph sets in motion a hunt for a killer. Two FBI agents, combining white trash smarts and Native American tracking skills, make capturing a killer look like a walk in the park, a trailer park, that is.”

I re-wrote it like this:

“When a young boy finds his murdered mother in a freezer, who could predict he would suffer in silence and direct his rage toward his absent father and the women he loved?”

At first glance, you would never even think this was the same story. This happens all the time in real life.

For example, a client tells a story he/she thinks is the problem. When we look at the bigger picture and ask what is this really about, an entirely different story emerges. It’s not really the husband’s drinking or the wife’s spending that’s the issue. It’s the betrayal and hurt felt as a child by each of them that has triggered their behaviors.

This is so important for us to consider as we are thinking about what motivates or suppresses us and how we feel about others. It affords a look through different eyes with grace and understanding.

JOURNAL EXERCISE:

Turn this around a bit for yourself. Sit and journal about it. Ask yourself, “What is the whole story behind my motivation to do THIS thing or what is holding me back?” Write the answer down, but keep asking this question over and over until you get to the very root of the story. Come back to it another day and ask yourself the same question again. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind the second time or find something new to add.

I’d love to read what you come up with. Feel free to email me or drop me a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn and let me know.

The Trap of the Familiar

The trap of the familiar is our tendency to seek comfort in the known and familiar experiences we have had. It is human nature, so don’t berate yourself if you align yourself with others with whom you find familiarity and comfort.

This seemingly unconscious desire to align with what or who we already know, rather than that which feels uncertain and insecure, gives rise to an inability to see and experience the truth. We are locked into a narrower perspective and miss out on an array of possibilities in every area of life, including personal growth and expression of your creativity.

Opening ourselves up to feelings of discomfort is not easy at first, but it’s almost always worth it. We need to be ready and willing to enter into mental spaces where we are not necessarily at ease. We need to face our fear of letting go.

It would be too deterministic to believe there is some set of simple instructions or protocols that can lead us to a place of harmony. If you have a strategy or tactic or some kind of fix that you think will have a particular result, you’re coming from a place of knowing rather than not knowing. Coming from a place of not knowing is more likely to lead us to greater harmony and openness. So we begin with simply not knowing.

So, examine your ideas and beliefs and be ready to drop them. Everything we need is already in us or around us—we simply need to move past any fixed perspective.

Try this powerful exercise.

Just for the fun of it, take a sheet of paper and draw a box, divide into four quadrants. Write these questions in each of the quadrants.

Question 1: What do I hate doing?
Question 2: What is NOT my job?
Question3: What should I stop doing?
Question 4: What are my distractions?

Be honest. Next, analyze your list and identify the #1 action step you will make to get closer to your vision of your creative self. For that you will need to free up time. Once you have delegated, eliminated, or automated all the things that are killing your time and spirit, you’ll have freed up “hidden” hours each week and brought yourself closer to expressing yourself or trying the unfamiliar.

What do you want to have in your free box? Make a life list, a bucket list, vision board, etc. and write a couple in your free box with a date by when you’d like to do this. Put it on your calendar – just for fun – to get your brain wrapped around this and you will automatically start to come up with strategies. Like magic.

If you are still pretending you are “fine”, read this article about Smiling Depression. Smiling Depression is when we’re depressed but we smile and tell everyone we’re fine. See if this is you.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/smiling-depression

What is Meditation and Why Should I do it?

Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation and believe it has a religious or spiritual meaning, but that’s not always true. Many people, including agnostics, find meditation to be beneficial and use it when they need serenity.

There are several different types of meditation but here are 3 of the most popular forms:

Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation where a mentor or teacher encourages someone to visualize a certain outcome. For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks. During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael..He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra. The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as Meditation
Another form of meditation is mindfulness. It’s focused on staying in the moment without fear or judgement. Rather, you become an observer of your inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you can sit or lie comfortably and listen to your thoughts. The key is not to react to what you’re thinking. For example, you think about cookies in the kitchen but then remember you’re supposed to be on a diet. You instantly feel guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best for you.

Ready to start meditating? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with the word Meditation in the subject line to learn more about an upcoming course/class.

10 Tips to Help You Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night seems basic, right? We already know we should do it, but this is one of those things that is simple but not easy. I have 10 easy tips to help you prepare yourself for a restful night.

1. Make a plan to stop caffeine intake after a certain time. It’s different for everyone. Some people have no caffeine after 7 p.m. Others choose an earlier time. Try experiments to really know what works for you based on how caffeine affects you. Don’t give up.

2. At the end of your work day, review your calendar for the next day. Identify two tasks you will do tomorrow.

3. Take your shower or bath before bed instead of the next morning.

4. If you have children, plan or pack their snacks and make arrangements for rides, appointments.

5. Even if you are working for home, choose what you will wear tomorrow. It makes decisions easier.

6. Do what you tell the kids to do. Put away your electronic devices an hour before bedtime. No cheating.

7. Tidy up your kitchen or work space.

8. Spray or diffuse lavender scent in your bedroom. Lavender is associated with calm feelings in our brain. We use it to help babies fall asleep, too.

9. Read for a few minutes. If you don’t like to read, color or draw. It’s a nice time to write in your journal. Write down the things you are grateful for or enjoyed that day.

10. Dim your lights before turning them off.

Bonus Tips

1 Prepare your breakfast items, measure out the coffee before bedtime.

2. End phone calls at least thirty minutes before bedtime. They are often whining or complaining calls. Instead watch something funny or mindless before bed. Laughter is good medicine.

3. Review what went right that day. Let everything else go.

Can you use some coaching help?

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

2 Ways to Identify Your True Interests

When you find your interest, you will sit like a cat watching a mouse hole.

Life has changed for most of us. We spend a lot of time wanting to get back to “normal” which is the past and will always be our past. It seems to be human nature to think about the past when we experience change. When we are sick, we want to be well. When we are not working, we want to work. When we are not in school, we want to go to school, etc.

I get it. In fact, I have studied it and understand the way it works. Can you see how it distracts us from being present in the moment?

People say they can’t think straight. I’m not sure what they mean but I think they are saying they don’t have a goal or focus of attention. They don’t have an identified interest which could anchor their thoughts. It feels like popcorn thinking. Pop! I need to get online. Pop! My hair needs cutting. Pop! I haven’t checked my email. Pop! Do I have enough money? Pop! Pop! Pop!

Stop the pop!

Read these suggestions slowly and out loud.

1. Identify your interests. If you can’t think of any, keep reading.

Interests. Not a fancy word but a powerful word. Interests are things that bring you pleasure, motivate you to think and take action. Interests tend to fall by the wayside when we spend our lives working and vegging out in front of a TV or phone. We say we don’t have time. But, we do. Take the time you have and focus on your interests.
If you say you don’t have any interests, think back to childhood. What did you like to play? What was your favorite toy? What is the grown-up version? If you watch TV, is there a favorite show that sparks your interests in some way? Although, we don’t want to rely on someone or something to dictate our interests, even if you have a million channels to choose from, you’re not interested in all of them. We choose a few.

In the same way, you don’t have to have a million interests. A few will do as long as it is YOUR interest and not your child’s interest or your friend’s interest. Your mind tunes in and will show you your interests.

Try this: Take a walk with a friend and see what you/friend notice. It won’t be the same. One will notice colored rocks and the other birds. Our brains are different. Sure, we can switch our focus but are we interested in doing that? I can help my friend look for colored rocks, but I am not interested enough to make it my hobby.

But, a seed could be planted so that in a year or two, I start noticing colored rocks and collecting them. Things and interests change. Some interests never change. They last a lifetime. My father was interested in airplanes. I have his grade school textbook. He drew airplanes all through the book. As a young man, he took flying lessons and loved it but his mother, after losing her other son, was so scared he would crash and die that he gave it up. He would go to airports and watch the planes land and take off. He watched war movies featuring planes. His interest in airplanes lasted all his life.

2. Imagine a teen-ager playing video games. Their focus is intense, like a cat looking at a mouse hole. You have this in you, too. Spend some time every day sitting like a cat looking at a mouse hole. That means focusing on your interest, expecting an outcome, not leaving or abandoning your interest.

Exercise:

Use this writing prompt to explore your interests.
I used to be interested in…..
Now, I am interested in…

Can you use some coaching help?

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

If You Can See It, You Can Be It

Vision boards are a fabulous way to focus on your good life and visualize what you want to achieve. It’s fun, too! Learn more about creating a vision board.

The vision board you see here to the right is one that someone on my team created.

But, if scanning through old magazines isn’t your idea of fun, you can still create a vision board – or maybe call it a vision diary or journal – without all the cutting and pasting.

You can have a digital vision board.

Achieve the same effect of a paper-and-paste vision board but use a Word document and free digital photos instead. If you want more design elements to your digital vision board, try Adobe Spark’s free collage maker.

You can also use a vision board design tool. This article has 7 different options that were specifically designed to create a vision board.

This is a fun alternative if you’re pressed for time during lunch or if you just don’t have a stash of magazines. Once your digital vision board is complete, make it your computer’s wallpaper so you will have a reminder every day of why you’re working so hard.

5 Ways to Have the Good Life

I doubt you would go on vacation without a destination and a map. You would make plans. You would be successful in reaching your destination. You can accomplish something similarly with daily, monthly, and yearly goals.

If your definition of “the good life” is something thousands of other people have already achieved, and you are not pleased with your progress, review your strategies. Something’s missing or you’ve gotten lost in the swamp of everyday distractions. If you’re working hard and not getting the results you deserve, STOP! Step back. Re-calculate. You need a better plan!

You don’t have to aim to be the best at something or even what you or other people consider “successful”. Choose what would make YOU feel successful, satisfied, or happy.

When people are truly happy and living a good life, they have done certain things to get there. For the most part, the things they do are simple, ordinary things we all can do.

Here’s a short list of 5 to use as your map to destination good life.

1.) Find the courage to choose specific, concrete goals. You can’t have or do everything, so make choices from your bucket list. If you can’t make a choice, try creating a vision board. The act of putting a vision board together could help you get more clear. Learn more about creating a vision board.

2.) Focus on personal development first, external achievement second. To have more, become more. More what, you ask? You may want to become more accepting of yourself, excited, motivated, and genuine. Or you may need to fill a gap between you and your goal by learning a skill or technique that you don’t know. You can take a class or join a networking group of like-minded people to do this.

3.) You do not have to know how do everything. There are plenty of experts, books, counselors, and coaches to help you. Make a list of the top 5 books, blogs, or podcasts on the subject and build time into your schedule to read or listen.

4.) Get your calendar out and take time to plan and have the discipline to commit to your plan. You can do something every day or week. Baby steps help you keep your focus. Never give up.

5.) Work smart. If you aren’t getting the results you anticipated, consult with someone (or have a good talk with yourself), review your plan, and devise a better plan. You have not failed. It’s called editing and re-writing. You know how many times writers re-write their novels? Or how many times I re-wrote this article? Think of you plan as a set of binoculars. You may need to keep adjusting the view until it’s clear.

Maps are not perfect and sometimes we need to venture off the main road to get to where we want to wind up.

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you create the life you truly want, please consider coaching. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with the first step. We can talk it over and decide the best way forward.

Tips to Let Your Light Shine in 2020

1. Guard your creative time like a Mama Bear guarding her cubs. She knows what is important and so do you.

You don’t’ have to choose just one thing to let shine in your life. It could be writing, organizing your office, work life, house, etc.

The point is to give yourself time to pursue something important to you. You would make time to go to the hair dresser and get your nails done, right? How do you make that happen? You put it on your calendar and you look forward to your appointment. Do the same thing with creative time. Put it on your calendar and to do list. You may have to retrain yourself to let your time be your time because intrusive thoughts will want your attention. All of a sudden you “remember” you need to pick up milk. No, picking up milk is for another time on your calendar.

2. Allow your dreams to come to mind. Don’t shut them down. What are your big dreams? Your little dreams? Here are categories to help you get started with thinking about ways to care for yourself that will help you be your best self and shine. Add in other categories or subcategories that make sense for you. You could include vacations, milestones, etc. Then move to step 3 below.

Relationships
Health
Work
Creativity
Spiritual Life
Community Life

3.) View this list as a lump of clay that you can form into a perfect sculpture of your life. Take some out, add some in until you get the picture of what is important to you in 2020. List 10 things in each category that you think you would like to do, be, see, or achieve in 2020. You can list more than 10! Then, answer the following questions. ??

If you could achieve one goal in your personal life, what would it be?
If you could only do one thing on your list, what would it be?
Now, here is the hard part (well, maybe it won’t seem hard): What will you let go of in 2020?

Last year, I created a “Protect Your Energy Planner” just for you! This year, I’m sharing it again for you to use in 2020. You can read about it and download it HERE. It would make a great complement to this exercise! My gift to you.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes