Category Archives: Joy

How to Accept What Is

Acceptance2A bit of a somber note, but let’s talk freely, shall we? We are friends.

These are stressful, even traumatic times. If you still watch the news, I think you will agree. We all can feel the impact on our senses, moods and nervous system. Observing traumatic events can traumatize us. It is important to differentiate what we can control and what we cannot. That doesn’t mean we are powerless. We are resilient and there is still happiness and love in our lives.

Practicing mindfulness and compassion in our daily lives strengthens our resiliency.  Practice is the key word here because we get better at anything we practice. The brain actually changes through mindfulness and compassion practice.

Let go of doing it perfectly. Give it a try and notice the outcome – the way you feel.

4 suggestions on how to do that…

1.) Practice meditation & name your feelings.

When emotions are suppressed or ignored, they turn into bigger problems that catch our attention, such as physical pain.  There is a saying to remedy this tendency. It is “Name it to tame it.”  Not so simple. We can’t always immediately identify our feelings. But, if we stop and just sit for a moment and “be”, it will come.

You’ll notice the feeling and a name(s) will come to mind. Ah! This is what it is like to feel, for example, powerless. Once you practice naming your feelings, the feelings become like smoke alarms notifying you that you should introduce something calming into your day. You begin to see clearly how emotions affect your life.

2.) Put out the welcome matt for your emotions. 

Don’t worry. They won’t stay long. Watch them show up, stay about 30 to 90 seconds, then leave. The joke is we think they are going to stay all day long, so we don’t want to let them in!

In meditation practice, we learn to welcome all of our emotions with generosity and kindness. Imagine someone bring you a flower knocking on your front door. Welcome them, take the flower, say goodbye.

3.) You’re not the Judge.

We often pretend we are the judge of the world ourselves. Look, everyone makes mistakes.  We all remember when we spilled the milk.  A tirade of judgment doesn’t undo it. It shuts us down and makes it harder to ‘fess up. Yes, I spilled the milk.”

Taking responsibility is an act of courage but then give compassion to yourself, which breeds confidence and helps us learn how not to spill the milk next time. Likely, you would not judge your best friend as harshly for spilling milk as you do yourself. Why is that? Develop kindness and compassion for yourself.

  1. We’re all in this together.

All around the world people are feeling scared and overwhelmed. It is our human condition and isolation makes it worse. Send compassion to both yourself and others who are suffering by using your prayers and mindfulness meditation practice.

I remember my meditation teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, telling the class, “You don’t have to like it but you do have to do it anyway.” ‘Nuff said.

A Short Guide to a Happy Life By Anna Quindlen

41r69dYzFFLI’m sharing this great summary of James Clear’s book “A Short Guide to a Happy Life”  because I think she does a great job of summing it up. This is one of my favorite books.

The Book in Three Sentences:
The only thing you have that nobody else has is control of your life. The hardest thing of all is to learn to love the journey, not the destination. Get a real life rather than frantically chasing the next level of success.

Key Ideas:
This is a list of key ideas that I recorded while reading the book. These notes are informal and include quotes from the book as well as my own thoughts.

  • The only thing you have that nobody else has is control of your life. You job, your day, your heart, your spirit. You are the only one in control of that.
  • “Show up. Listen. Try to laugh.”
  • “You cannot be really good at your work if your work is all you are.”
  • “Get a life, a real life. Not a manic pursuit of the next promotion.”
  • “Turn off your cell phone. Keep still. Be present.”
  • “Get a life in which you are generous.”
  • “All of us want to do well, but if we do not do good too then doing well will never be enough.”
  • “Knowledge of our own mortality is the greatest gift God gives us.” It is so easy to exist rather than to live… Unless you know a clock is ticking.
  • We live in more luxury today than ever before. The things we have today our ancestors thought existed for just the wealthy. And yet, somehow, we are rarely grateful for all this wealth.
  • The hardest thing of all is to learn to love the journey, not the destination.
  • “This is not a dress rehearsal. Today is the only guarantee you get.”
  • “Think of life as a terminal illness.”
  • “School never ends. The classroom is everywhere.”

3 Reasons to Read This Book

  1. You need a reminder of why you should be grateful for the life you live.
  2. You need a reminder of why it is important to live a balanced life.
  3. You want to be inspired and you like short books.
The link is here in case you want to snag it (and no I’m not being paid to review or promote the book).

10 Tips to Help You Get a Good Night’s Sleep

iStock-507952433-58b995345f9b58af5c6476d6Getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night seems basic, right? We already know we should do it, but this is one of those things that is simple but not easy. I have 10 easy tips to help you prepare yourself for a restful night.

1. Make a plan to stop caffeine intake after a certain time. It’s different for everyone. Some people have no caffeine after 7 p.m. Others choose an earlier time. Try experiments to really know what works for you based on how caffeine affects you. Don’t give up.

2. At the end of your work day, review your calendar for the next day. Identify two tasks you will do tomorrow.

3. Take your shower or bath before bed instead of the next morning.

4. If you have children, plan or pack their snacks and make arrangements for rides, appointments.

5. Even if you are working for home, choose what you will wear tomorrow. It makes decisions easier.

6. Do what you tell the kids to do. Put away your electronic devices an hour before bedtime. No cheating.

7. Tidy up your kitchen or work space.

8. Spray or diffuse lavender scent in your bedroom. Lavender is associated with calm feelings in our brain. We use it to help babies fall asleep, too.

9. Read for a few minutes. If you don’t like to read, color or draw. It’s a nice time to write in your journal. Write down the things you are grateful for or enjoyed that day.

10. Dim your lights before turning them off.

Bonus Tips

1 Prepare your breakfast items, measure out the coffee before bedtime.

2. End phone calls at least thirty minutes before bedtime. They are often whining or complaining calls. Instead watch something funny or mindless before bed. Laughter is good medicine.

3. Review what went right that day. Let everything else go.

Can you use some coaching help? 

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

2 Ways to Identify Your True Interests

Little Girls in CostumeWhen you find your interest, you will sit like a cat watching a mouse hole.

Life has changed for most of us.  We spend a lot of time wanting to get back to “normal” which is the past and will always be our past. It seems to be human nature to think about the past when we experience change. When we are sick, we want to be well. When we are not working, we want to work. When we are not in school, we want to go to school, etc.

I get it. In fact, I have studied it and understand the way it works.  Can you see how it distracts us from being present in the moment?

People say they can’t think straight. I’m not sure what they mean but I think they are saying they don’t have a goal or focus of attention. They don’t have an identified interest which could anchor their thoughts. It feels like popcorn thinking. Pop! I need to get online. Pop! My hair needs cutting. Pop! I haven’t checked my email. Pop! Do I have enough money? Pop! Pop! Pop!

Stop the pop!

Read these suggestions slowly and out loud.

1. Identify your interests. If you can’t think of any, keep reading.

Interests.  Not a fancy word but a powerful word. Interests are things that bring you pleasure, motivate you to think and take action. Interests tend to fall by the wayside when we spend our lives working and vegging out in front of a TV or phone. We say we don’t have time. But, we do. Take the time you have and focus on your interests.
If you say you don’t have any interests, think back to childhood. What did you like to play? What was your favorite toy? What is the grown-up version? If you watch TV, is there a favorite show that sparks your interests in some way? Although, we don’t want to rely on someone or something to dictate our interests, even if you have a million channels to choose from, you’re not interested in all of them. We choose a few.

In the same way, you don’t have to have a million interests.  A few will do as long as it is YOUR interest and not your child’s interest or your friend’s interest. Your mind tunes in and will show you your interests.

Try this:  Take a walk with a friend and see what you/friend notice. It won’t be the same. One will notice colored rocks and the other birds. Our brains are different. Sure, we can switch our focus but are we interested in doing that? I can help my friend look for colored rocks, but I am not interested enough to make it my hobby.

But, a seed could be planted so that in a year or two, I start noticing colored rocks and collecting them. Things and interests change. Some interests never change. They last a lifetime. My father was interested in airplanes. I have his grade school textbook. He drew airplanes all through the book. As a young man, he took flying lessons and loved it but his mother, after losing her other son, was so scared he would crash and die that he gave it up. He would go to airports and watch the planes land and take off. He watched war movies featuring planes. His interest in airplanes lasted all his life.

2.  Imagine a teen-ager playing video games. Their focus is intense, like a cat looking at a mouse hole. You have this in you, too. Spend some time every day sitting like a cat looking at a mouse hole. That means focusing on your interest, expecting an outcome, not leaving or abandoning your interest.

Exercise:

Use this writing prompt to explore your interests.
I used to be interested in…..
Now, I am interested in…

Can you use some coaching help? 

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

If You Can See It, You Can Be It

Vision BoardVision boards are a fabulous way to focus on your good life and visualize what you want to achieve. It’s fun, too! Learn more about creating a vision board. 

The vision board you see here to the right is one that someone on my team created.

But, if scanning through old magazines isn’t your idea of fun, you can still create a vision board – or maybe call it a vision diary or journal – without all the cutting and pasting.

You can have a digital vision board.

Achieve the same effect of a paper-and-paste vision board but use a Word document and free digital photos instead. If you want more design elements to your digital vision board, try Adobe Spark’s free collage maker.

You can also use a vision board design tool. This article has 7 different options that were specifically designed to create a vision board. 

This is a fun alternative if you’re pressed for time during lunch or if you just don’t have a stash of magazines. Once your digital vision board is complete, make it your computer’s wallpaper so you will have a reminder every day of why you’re working so hard.

Tips to Let Your Light Shine in 2020

7_Essential_Habits_of_Glowing_People_1024x10241. Guard your creative time like a Mama Bear guarding her cubs. She knows what is important and so do you.

You don’t’ have to choose just one thing to let shine in your life. It could be writing, organizing your office, work life, house, etc.

The point is to give yourself time to pursue something important to you. You would make time to go to the hair dresser and get your nails done, right? How do you make that happen? You put it on your calendar and you look forward to your appointment. Do the same thing with creative time. Put it on your calendar and to do list. You may have to retrain yourself to let your time be your time because intrusive thoughts will want your attention. All of a sudden you “remember” you need to pick up milk. No, picking up milk is for another time on your calendar.

2. Allow your dreams to come to mind. Don’t shut them down. What are your big dreams? Your little dreams? Here are categories to help you get started with thinking about ways to care for yourself that will help you be your best self and shine. Add in other categories or subcategories that make sense for you. You could include vacations, milestones, etc. Then move to step 3 below.

  • Relationships
  • Health
  • Work
  • Creativity
  • Spiritual Life
  • Community Life

3.) View this list as a lump of clay that you can form into a perfect sculpture of your life. Take some out, add some in until you get the picture of what is important to you in 2020. List 10 things in each category that you think you would like to do, be, see, or achieve in 2020. You can list more than 10! Then, answer the following questions. ??

  • If you could achieve one goal in your personal life, what would it be?
  • If you could only do one thing on your list, what would it be?
  • Now, here is the hard part (well, maybe it won’t seem hard): What will you let go of in 2020?
Last year, I created a “Protect Your Energy Planner” just for you! This year, I’m sharing it again for you to use in 2020. You can read about it and download it HERE. It would make a great complement to this exercise! My gift to you.

Ways to Keep the Family Having Fun on Thanksgiving

Image: Kids and adults gathering at the Thanksgiving tableThe holidays can be a magical time filled with laughter and love. Thanksgiving is a time for us to reflect on who and what we are grateful for and enjoy our blessings and goodies.

That’s all good, but what does your family or friend group do after or before dinner? Sometimes, dinner isn’t ready yet and people are doing all they can to stave off their hunger and lurking grumpiness. Sometimes, Thanksgiving ends up to be a group of folks who don’t know each other that well. Sometimes, after dinner people are ready to fall asleep at the dinner table.

And sometimes, you simply may not want your family members to avoid serious conversations for reasons you’ll understand if you are feeling this way.

No worries. Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving or attending someone else’s shindig as a guest, you can bring the party with you and help everyone stay light and have fun.

Here are a few ideas of things you can incorporate into your holiday.

1.) Thanksgiving Bingo – This is so much fun, and you can have up to 24 players. You can throw some quarters into a pot and play for that or you can get little goodies from the dollar store or make them and use them as prizes. A small candle or little dish towel make great prizes. Or just play for fun and maybe the winner gets out of all ktichen cleanup…something like that. If you have a little time on your hands and want to print free ones you can download and print free bingo cards here.

2.) Thanksgiving Scratch-Off Tickets – If you are hosting, this is great fun. You can purchase scratch-off tickets, and there is only one winner. The winning ticket has a sticker on it when you open the package, so you’ll know which one it is. You can pass these out and issue a goody or prize to the winner. You don’t necessarily have to buy anything. The prize could be double desert, the best seat in the house, or other fun little reward. You could even design a “turkey hunt” and hide all the scratch-offs and ask people to find them throughout the day. As they find them, they get to keep them and scratch them off to see who the winner is.

3.) Vertellis - Vertellis is a game that asks you positive questions like, “What are the 3 things that give you the most energy?”. This game gets people talking and thinking about what they are most grateful for.

4.) Abundance Ball – Some families do this at Christmas time, but it can be really fun at Thanksgiving too! You can use tiny items like candies, lottery tickets, gift cards for coffee, pretty note cards, key chains, etc. Basically everyone shares in the abundance of the ball by getting into a circle and unwrapping the saran ball until the person next to them rolls doubles and then they have to pass the ball. Everyone keeps unwrapping and pulling out items until the ball is totally unraveled. This gets everyone a little bit excited and will keep people on their toes and moving after a big feast.

I’d love to hear from you if you do any of these with your family on how it went!

If you would like more help figuring out ways to help create a life by design, click here to take advantage of my free 30 minute phone consultation.

The Importance of Being Happy First

choosehappyWe have a list of things in our head at all times about what will make us happy…. “If only this would happen…” or “when that happens…”, I’ll be happy. Do you really want to put happiness on hold until those things are satisfied?

In this article, I am going to use writing as an example, but you can fill in your own blank about what you want to happen. Writing more, writing better or–fill in-the blank — will NOT make you happy if you aren’t happy now.

That’s not to say that implementing something you love won’t help you walk down the road to happiness, but you can’t expect an immediate cure for unhappiness.

It pains me to write this. The reason is we keep changing our goal posts. We want more.

Check out this TED talk about the importance of being happy first . Shawn Achor has done lots of research on the topic and I find his evidence convincing. Writing more is not going to make you happier, but giving yourself time to do things for yourself and others (offering help to others, meditating, gardening, taking a long walk) will likely make you happier, therefore, a better writer.

 It’s better to do something to work toward your goal a little bit every day than a whole lot of things on an inconsistent basis.

Michael Ferris Smith said his novels started with one sentence or one idea and he wrote every day letting his mind create the story. When someone asked when he thought of a character or scene, he said “When I thought of it.”

Whatever you are working towards (writing, exercise, cleaning out a dresser drawer), start with 5 minutes a day. This takes away your argument that you don’t have time. You may come up with other arguments but try it. It becomes a habit and you will feel successful (and could decide to do moreJ

In general, the best time to do your thing is first thing in the morning.  I can hear you groaning. Your energy and focus may be in the evening.  But there are legitimate reasons to try the morning time. Your creative brain is awake, you have more energy, you’re in a better mood, and you’ll feel good all day about fitting in your 5 minutes.

Depending upon your goal, give yourself permission to “just do it.” without being perfect. If you are writing a story, write a paragraph and allow it to simmer in your mind during the day. It is likely you may rewrite that paragraph every day during your 5 minutes. Give yourself time to rewrite without feeling guilty about rewriting. The best writers in the world are always the best re-writers. This applies to art, dancing, cooking, and such.

The bottom line is that when we are happy, we are better at whatever we do. What do you know would make you happy if you gave it a little time and energy each day?

 

 

Choosing the Right People In Your Life is Like Coming Home

joseph-pearson-310899-unsplashIt’s hard to think of something that is not made better when enjoyed with others who love you. It’s like coming home. Or, if home is not so inviting, think of coming home to a place where it’s refreshing and you feel wonderful to be there.

Sharing your thoughts and ideas flows easily with these people, and you feel safe. You don’t have to think or worry about what you say because you know they love you for who you are, and they embrace whatever you share.

You may often think about each other at the same time and pick up the phone to call them and send a text only to hear that they were thinking of you too.

You are “in sync” with these people in your life. You may even feed off each other’s energy to attract even more synchronicity.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had that relationship with everyone we interact with?

Your favorite people can boost you up and other not-so-favorite people can put that little black cloud over your head leaving you feeling awful and depressed, right? You know who they are. Compare the two groups: one makes you feel more motivated to try new things and the other group dishes out doubt about what you can be and do. These people can be found in your social media groups, too.

You can choose. You can choose something new.

In the next couple of days, become aware and notice how people impact you. How do you feel after spending time with people and groups you are involved in? Scan your body to identify tension, feelings of heaviness, depression, lightness, relaxation or nothing at all. Do your thoughts change? Is there something you won’t say to some people because you know they will tell you it’s wrong? Like I said, you have a choice.

Being aware is part of the choice. If you can identify who stirs up a down feeling, note it but don’t buy into it. Choose friends and make new ones that lighten your mood. They make it fun to share ideas and dreams.

You’ll love being a part of a group or having friends that are positive. Another side of yourself will start showing up in life. And when you do this, you’ll be amazed by the positive ways synchronicity shows up in your life.

Here’s my invitation: practice awareness and check your responses to different people. You may want to choose new friends who support you. It’s allowed. You have permission!

Your muse with the purple glasses.

3 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Into Productivity Mode

1-3 Reasons Why We Can't Get Into Productivity Mode-image 2Whether you are at work or at home, there’s always something productive you can be doing. But some days, you may find it difficult to get into your normal work rhythm even when you know you need to. You may feel distracted and struggle to focus on your tasks. You may experience headaches or dizziness. You might also be feeling fatigued.

Instead of giving up and watching Netflix for the next few hours, it can helpful to check in with your body. When you stop to check in with yourself, you may find that a simple fix is all that’s required for getting back into your normal productive mode.

Here are three things that can disrupt your natural work flow:

Your body is hungry. When you’re hungry, it’s hard to think things through and that makes decision making difficult. That’s why it’s important that you take time to nourish your body. You wouldn’t set out on a road trip with an empty gas tank so don’t expect your body to perform at its very best when you’re denying it much needed fuel.

You can easily remedy this situation by getting something to eat. But steer clear of sugary snacks. They may give you a temporary burst of energy but that energy will be gone within a couple of hours, leaving your body just as hungry as before. Instead, try to opt for healthier snacks that contain plenty of protein like a handful of nuts or a serving of lean chicken breast.

Your thoughts are scattered. You go to work on one project but get distracted by another one. Then you decide to check your email and catch up on your social media updates. Before you know it, you have twelve different activities open on your screen.

When this happens, you might be experiencing a lack of focus. You have so many ideas and tasks that you don’t know where to start working. In this case, it’s best to pause and make a list. Write down everything you need to accomplish today or this week. Then prioritize these projects by numbering them. Your most important task should be number one so after you’re finished with your list, start there.

Your body is exhausted.There are many things that can cause you to feel exhausted besides a lack of sleep. Emotional stress, illness, chronic pain, and other problems can deplete your energy. When you’re exhausted, it’s hard to work on your business.

The best way to tackle exhaustion is to practice self-care. Look at your life and ask yourself what you really need right now. You might need a day off. You might need a sitter to help watch your kids while you work.

You might need to let go of stressful clients or remove projects that aren’t a good fit for your talents. Don’t hesitate to give yourself what you need. If you take good care of yourself, you’ll find it easier to nurture your business.

It’s important that you take time to check in with your mind and body a few times each day. When you do this regularly, you’ll begin to notice your body’s rhythms and be able to plan your work around them.

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