Category Archives: Meditation

How to Accept What Is

Acceptance2A bit of a somber note, but let’s talk freely, shall we? We are friends.

These are stressful, even traumatic times. If you still watch the news, I think you will agree. We all can feel the impact on our senses, moods and nervous system. Observing traumatic events can traumatize us. It is important to differentiate what we can control and what we cannot. That doesn’t mean we are powerless. We are resilient and there is still happiness and love in our lives.

Practicing mindfulness and compassion in our daily lives strengthens our resiliency.  Practice is the key word here because we get better at anything we practice. The brain actually changes through mindfulness and compassion practice.

Let go of doing it perfectly. Give it a try and notice the outcome – the way you feel.

4 suggestions on how to do that…

1.) Practice meditation & name your feelings.

When emotions are suppressed or ignored, they turn into bigger problems that catch our attention, such as physical pain.  There is a saying to remedy this tendency. It is “Name it to tame it.”  Not so simple. We can’t always immediately identify our feelings. But, if we stop and just sit for a moment and “be”, it will come.

You’ll notice the feeling and a name(s) will come to mind. Ah! This is what it is like to feel, for example, powerless. Once you practice naming your feelings, the feelings become like smoke alarms notifying you that you should introduce something calming into your day. You begin to see clearly how emotions affect your life.

2.) Put out the welcome matt for your emotions. 

Don’t worry. They won’t stay long. Watch them show up, stay about 30 to 90 seconds, then leave. The joke is we think they are going to stay all day long, so we don’t want to let them in!

In meditation practice, we learn to welcome all of our emotions with generosity and kindness. Imagine someone bring you a flower knocking on your front door. Welcome them, take the flower, say goodbye.

3.) You’re not the Judge.

We often pretend we are the judge of the world ourselves. Look, everyone makes mistakes.  We all remember when we spilled the milk.  A tirade of judgment doesn’t undo it. It shuts us down and makes it harder to ‘fess up. Yes, I spilled the milk.”

Taking responsibility is an act of courage but then give compassion to yourself, which breeds confidence and helps us learn how not to spill the milk next time. Likely, you would not judge your best friend as harshly for spilling milk as you do yourself. Why is that? Develop kindness and compassion for yourself.

  1. We’re all in this together.

All around the world people are feeling scared and overwhelmed. It is our human condition and isolation makes it worse. Send compassion to both yourself and others who are suffering by using your prayers and mindfulness meditation practice.

I remember my meditation teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, telling the class, “You don’t have to like it but you do have to do it anyway.” ‘Nuff said.

Simmering in Distractions

Simmering (1)“Shut up, shut up, I’m busy.” were the last words radioed by the captain of the Titanic before it hit the iceberg and sank. He was warned. The ship sank because of his distraction.

How many things do you miss because of distraction? Health changes? Relationship secrets? It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time for this.” and return to your cell phone, tablets, TV shows, and so on. No wonder it is hard for people to slow down and enjoy silence or the sounds of nature or looking at the starry skies.

Rumi, the great Persian poet of old, gave this advice in a poem: “Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof.” Do you feel the warning in his words? Is it necessary to do it all at once? Can you drive without texting? Can you enjoy conversation with friends without looking at your watch or getting anxious about your to-do plan for the day? Can you enjoy reading or allowing creativity to emerge in verse, art, words, landscaping, beauty?

Research proves multi-tasking is not as effective as mindful attention to one thing at a time. Technology has changed our lives for better and for worse.

Just wait until Artificial Intelligence moves into your home! I am not advocating against technology. I am suggesting we “simmer” with it and learn to keep the distractions to a minimum while we live an authentic, creative life.

Need a start? Try these antidotes:

1.) Notice the behavior (ie; urge to text at work/driving)
2.) Try something different (ie; hum/sing)
3.) Commit to practicing that new behavior until it becomes natural

There is no need to fall off the roof. Sit and simmer with your thoughts and relationships. Hopefully, you will not be too busy to miss the iceberg.

Two Sides to Every Story

old woman young womanSomething that came up for me during this season of change is the concept of phenomenology. It is defined as the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. It’s the study of an individual’s lived experience.

The picture on the right shows us a young woman. Or does it? Look closer, and it’s both a young woman and an old woman. What did your experience of this image show you first?

I was playing with this concept the other night when I was reviewing a short story that I’ve been working on for years off and on. More off then on.

The experts say we should be able to write one sentence that tells the reader what a story is about. I thought I would give that a whirl, since I already had a sentence I liked. But, in re-reading it, it didn’t tell anyone what the story was about at all.

I originally wrote,

“A photograph sets in motion a hunt for a killer.  Two FBI agents, combining white trash smarts and Native American tracking skills, make capturing a killer look like a walk in the park, a trailer park, that is.”

I re-wrote it like this:

“When a young boy finds his murdered mother in a freezer, who could predict he would suffer in silence and direct his rage toward his absent father and the women he loved?”

At first glance, you would never even think this was the same story. This happens all the time in real life.

For example, a client tells a story he/she thinks is the problem. When we look at the bigger picture and ask what is this really about, an entirely different story emerges. It’s not really the husband’s drinking or the wife’s spending that’s the issue. It’s the betrayal and hurt felt as a child by each of them that has triggered their behaviors.

This is so important for us to consider as we are thinking about what motivates or suppresses us and how we feel about others. It affords a look through different eyes with grace and understanding.

JOURNAL EXERCISE:

Turn this around a bit for yourself. Sit and journal about it. Ask yourself, “What is the whole story behind my motivation to do THIS thing or what is holding me back?” Write the answer down, but keep asking this question over and over until you get to the very root of the story. Come back to it another day and ask yourself the same question again. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind the second time or find something new to add.

I’d love to read what you come up with. Feel free to email me or drop me a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn and let me know.

What is Meditation and Why Should I do it?

1-What is Meditation-image2Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation and believe it has a religious or spiritual meaning, but that’s not always true. Many people, including agnostics, find meditation to be beneficial and use it when they need serenity.

There are several different types of meditation but here are 3 of the most popular forms:

Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation where a mentor or teacher encourages someone to visualize a certain outcome. For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks. During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael..He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra. The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as Meditation
Another form of meditation is mindfulness. It’s focused on staying in the moment without fear or judgement. Rather, you become an observer of your inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you can sit or lie comfortably and listen to your thoughts. The key is not to react to what you’re thinking. For example, you think about cookies in the kitchen but then remember you’re supposed to be on a diet. You instantly feel guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best for you.

 Ready to start meditating? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with the word Meditation in the subject line to learn more about an upcoming course/class.

2 Ways to Identify Your True Interests

Little Girls in CostumeWhen you find your interest, you will sit like a cat watching a mouse hole.

Life has changed for most of us.  We spend a lot of time wanting to get back to “normal” which is the past and will always be our past. It seems to be human nature to think about the past when we experience change. When we are sick, we want to be well. When we are not working, we want to work. When we are not in school, we want to go to school, etc.

I get it. In fact, I have studied it and understand the way it works.  Can you see how it distracts us from being present in the moment?

People say they can’t think straight. I’m not sure what they mean but I think they are saying they don’t have a goal or focus of attention. They don’t have an identified interest which could anchor their thoughts. It feels like popcorn thinking. Pop! I need to get online. Pop! My hair needs cutting. Pop! I haven’t checked my email. Pop! Do I have enough money? Pop! Pop! Pop!

Stop the pop!

Read these suggestions slowly and out loud.

1. Identify your interests. If you can’t think of any, keep reading.

Interests.  Not a fancy word but a powerful word. Interests are things that bring you pleasure, motivate you to think and take action. Interests tend to fall by the wayside when we spend our lives working and vegging out in front of a TV or phone. We say we don’t have time. But, we do. Take the time you have and focus on your interests.
If you say you don’t have any interests, think back to childhood. What did you like to play? What was your favorite toy? What is the grown-up version? If you watch TV, is there a favorite show that sparks your interests in some way? Although, we don’t want to rely on someone or something to dictate our interests, even if you have a million channels to choose from, you’re not interested in all of them. We choose a few.

In the same way, you don’t have to have a million interests.  A few will do as long as it is YOUR interest and not your child’s interest or your friend’s interest. Your mind tunes in and will show you your interests.

Try this:  Take a walk with a friend and see what you/friend notice. It won’t be the same. One will notice colored rocks and the other birds. Our brains are different. Sure, we can switch our focus but are we interested in doing that? I can help my friend look for colored rocks, but I am not interested enough to make it my hobby.

But, a seed could be planted so that in a year or two, I start noticing colored rocks and collecting them. Things and interests change. Some interests never change. They last a lifetime. My father was interested in airplanes. I have his grade school textbook. He drew airplanes all through the book. As a young man, he took flying lessons and loved it but his mother, after losing her other son, was so scared he would crash and die that he gave it up. He would go to airports and watch the planes land and take off. He watched war movies featuring planes. His interest in airplanes lasted all his life.

2.  Imagine a teen-ager playing video games. Their focus is intense, like a cat looking at a mouse hole. You have this in you, too. Spend some time every day sitting like a cat looking at a mouse hole. That means focusing on your interest, expecting an outcome, not leaving or abandoning your interest.

Exercise:

Use this writing prompt to explore your interests.
I used to be interested in…..
Now, I am interested in…

Can you use some coaching help? 

For more personalized help with focusing on selfcare, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

Blessing and Meditation Practice for You

downloadBlessing someone and ourselves costs nothing and gives a great return. You will feel better, more open and compassionate.Give this gift to yourself or someone else who needs it.

Below are some phrases I put together for you.

Pick 3 to start and say them silently. Start with saying the phrase to yourself, such as, “May I be happy and peaceful.” Next think of someone you love and think “May ____ be happy and peaceful.” Next, think of someone you know casually, such as the cashier you see every week, and say to yourself, “May________ be happy and peaceful.” If you want to stretch yourself, choose someone you have a grudge toward or don’t like and ask that they be happy and peaceful, too.

Move on to your next phrase and repeat the exercise.

Start with 3 phrases, and either build to more or switch to another three phrases as you continue your practice.

  • May I be happy and peaceful.
  • May I be safe and protected.
  • May I be healthy and strong.
  • May I have ease of mind and heart.
  • May I be free from suffering.
  • May I be kind to myself.
  • May I trust my goodness.
  • May I love and accept myself just as I am.
  • May I live with ease and good health.
  • And be filled with loving-kindness.

Protect Your Energy with Boundaries Planner – Free Download

Custom Planner ImageNow is the season we start to plan more. There is Thanksgiving and Halloween, Christmas and a New Year to plan for. And then, there is your life stretched thin doing all that planning.

I am giving, yes giving, away a Planner that will help you put things in order. It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries, so it is good for your overall health.

It’s actually called How to Protect Your Energy with Boundaries so it is good for your overall health.

In it are ways to create your Vision Board, brainstorm your life goals and put them into your life.

The planner uses the word “business” which helps you see your business goals. Feel free to substitute the words “my life” or your own word. It really is applicable to you no matter your definition.

Ironically, as I was writing to you about planning, a hurricane was brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. My night classes were cancelled and we made a grocery store run to plan for the unexpected. I thought, “How interesting! Life can feel like a hurricane, but if we plan our life, that can help us stay focused and out of the crazy of the storm.”

I should write “plan for hurricains” into my planner! :) Thankfully, we are safe and all is well now. Back to the plan. :)

Please download your free planner here. If you like it, pass it on to your friends and loved ones.

How Getting Seasonal Depression is as Common as Catching the Flu

cs-depression-roundtable-what-depression-feels-like-400Imagine this scenario…

After yoga class with friends, you notice Annabelle is acting unlike herself. You can’t put your finger on what it is that you notice, so you keep it to yourself. The next day at work, you notice that Annabelle is not walking the way she usually does, she seems frustrated and sighs when the phone rings. You ask her if she is okay and she tells you she is fine, just tired.  This continues until a week later you ask her again and this time she tells you she has a pulled muscle in her back and a sprained wrist. You had no idea. Annabelle tells you she is embarrassed and didn’t want the boss to know because she hasn’t been finishing her work. You don’t want your friend to suffer, so you take it upon yourself to make an appointment and offer to drive her to see the doctor.

Now, what if were to replace “pulled muscle” and “sprained wrist” with “depression”? Are you as likely to take the same action for your friend?

Did you know that depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide? Only about half of those diagnosed receive treatment – in many countries this is fewer than 10%. Although getting help from health care professionals is always a recommended approach, many people lack the resources, time and access to such care.  Depression makes it even harder to follow through with plans. Some even turn to detrimental forms of self-medication, such as drinking alcohol.

How do you know when someone has depression? The National Institute of Mental Health defines depression as a “mood disorder that causes severe symptoms affecting how you feel, think, and handle daily activities”. The combination of environmental factors, personality, genetics and biochemistry can lead to its onset. It’s been compared to catching a cold. It can affect anyone at any time.

Although not all of these factors can be easily changed, there are things we can do to reduce our susceptibility. The habit of washing your hands comes naturally and we do it for the sake of our health. Is there anything you can do similarly to help reduce the symptoms of depression? It turns out there is.

The amygdale is a part of the brain closely associated with depression. The amygdale modulates the fear response. In depressed people, the amygdale tends to be larger and overly active in response to negative stimuli, such as seeing something upsetting, or feeling sad. These feelings become more intense than usual. The brain has a “cold” and is now sneezing, metaphorically. Additionally, things that are usually fun and make you happy just don’t rise to the level of  “happy” anymore.

When researchers studied the overactive amygdale they found that meditation may counteract depression by reducing amygdale activity and by increasing activity in the hippocampus, prefrontal cortex and other brain regions associated with attention and emotional self-regulation.

 

Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Depression? Most people haven’t.

Kwan Yin Sabbatical 2When the Fall season arrives, it comes with warm, comforting recipes and new visual landscapes to admire. It can also bring Seasonal Affective Depression that creeps in like the cloudy skies.

Seasonal Affective Depression is thought to be caused by lack of bright sunlight. If you find yourself feeling blue and gloomy on days that are grey, it’s worth looking into. Most people who have it, may not even be aware that’s the cause of how they are feeling. On the other hand, rain and gloom cheers some people up. They find they have lots of energy on those days.

I also encourage you to practice meditation as a way to feel better. Meditation can be done anywhere, such as a walking meditation.

Sometimes a new environment or a porch swing can have a similar effect. Here are some pictures from my “sabbatical” in Ocean Springs, MS earlier this month with my beloved little cat, Kwan Yin. She was my sabbatical companion while I was there.

Class Is In – 10 Steps to Prepare for Daily Meditation

How to Meditate in 10 Easy StepsWe now know with overwhelming evidence that using meditation can help individuals achieve astonishing results in their physical and mental health. 

This space is too short to offer you a whole course in meditation, but I do want you to know about what meditation is and what it is not.

Recently, I asked my intern students if they were teaching their clients to meditate. I was surprised to hear one student say, “isn’t it just deep breathing?” or “relaxing with your eyes closed?” The simple answer is No.  Deep breathing is deep breathing and is useful to help when we feel anxious. Relaxing is relaxing. Also good for us, but it is not meditation.

What is meditation? It’s the act of clearing your mind of clutter and becoming grounded and focused. It is a mental and physical reset button.

It starts with posture.  You want to stay relaxed and alert and focus on the present moment. You let your breath do its own thing. You notice. Your breath may change or not. You just notice. Don’t judge.

A good attitude helps but as my teacher, Jon Kabat Zinn said, “you don’t have to like it to do it.” Chances are when you start you’ll feel awkward or uncomfortable. That’s okay.  Finding the ideal meditation posture and seating can take a while. There’s no one-size-fits all seat for meditation. You may think of seeing people seated cross-legged on cushions on the floor, but you can also meditate seated in a chair, or walking, or eating mindfully.

Your mind will chatter. It’s called monkey mind because it’s like a monkey jumping from tree to tree. Just notice, don’t judge, let it be. Try not to dwell on any thought. Let them come and go like clouds in a sky. Come back to your breathing over and over.

Here are 10 steps to prepare for daily meditation.

1.) Take a seat.

2.) Let your eyes gaze slightly downward, 4 to 6 feet in front of you or close your eyes. Try it both ways to see which you like best.

3.) Tuck your chin in slightly to keep your spine aligned.

4.) Sit upright and straight but not unnaturally stiff. Arching or slouching produces tension. To align your spine, bend forward then slowly straighten up. Try to feel each vertebra stack up as you go.

5.) Center your sitting bones. Don’t lean forward or backward. Allow yourself to “settle in.” Take your time to get comfortable. Rock back and forth and side to side until you feel the sitting bones loosen up. The rest of your posture will more easily fall into place now.

6.) Keep your arms parallel to your body, palms on your thighs. Some people like to place their hands together or one palm holding the other palm.

7.) Sit with your knees below your hips, legs loosely crossed. That’s why you see people sitting on cushions or meditation benches. You will want to experiment to find the right height.

8.) Come prepared with a shawl, socks, glass or water, and timer.

9.) It’s okay to take a break during your meditation session. Try bringing your knees to your chest, curving your spine forward to stretch out.

10.) If sitting is uncomfortable, take your seat in a chair. It’s easier on your knees and convenient. Resist the urge to slouch back in the chair unless you really need to. Sitting straight helps your breathing. Keep your feet flat on the floor. You may have to use a stool or something under your feet if the chair is too high off the floor.

Homework:

Practice with no expectations but notice the results.