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3 POWERFUL RESOURCES FOR GOOD MENTAL HEALTH

Good information can be just as delicious as your favorite recipe. I’d like to share these yummy morsels with you during this season of gratitude.

We don’t know everything about why meditation helps the brain behave better but the benefits of meditation practice are becoming widely acknowledged in the scientific and therapeutic communities. We live in a high stress society.

Diagnoses of depression and other mental illnesses, such as substance use disorders are increasing. By sharing meditation research and simple natural tools with you, I hope to provide you with information that can help you live with good health, happiness and peace.

Here are a few resources of mine that might help you as a supplement to other things you are doing to live a healthy life. Sometimes, just using simple tools like this can be enough without having to take medication. Every individual situation is different, but you can feel into what works for you.

1.) The Joy Handout – Ways to increase joy in your life by being intentional

2.) Lose Weight for Life Teleseminar - This is a recorded teleseminar that I did on losing emotional weight. It’s good for understanding our connection with food, but it’s also a powerful resource for anyone who needs to “lose” emotional baggage in their life to feel lighter and happier.

3.) 10 Steps to Easy Mediation for Beginners – This is a short article that walks you through exactly how to meditate if you are just getting started.

Can you use some coaching or therapy help?

For more personalized help developing a strategy that will help you create the life you truly want, please consider coaching or therapy. This is the perfect time to get started. Every journey starts with a first step.

We can talk it over and decide the best way forward. Questions? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net.

Reflections on Binge Behavior

Once people learn what binge behavior is and identify with it, they are often quite surprised. “You mean drinking 5 drinks at one event is a binge drinking event?” they ask.

Now comes the question of “Why?” Why does a person drink so many drinks at one sitting or eat so much food at one meal or snack? It could serve a purpose: repressing unwanted emotions (such as fear and loneliness), abandonment, or anxiety. It could serve the purpose of comforting or soothing yourself.

So what? you ask. Like binge drinking, if you only do it once a year, it’s no big deal. If you only eat the whole cake once a year, it was a bad day. But, binge behavior, such as binge eating is habit forming. It’s hard work, too. At the same time you are experiencing feelings, you are trying to suppress them. Food may be your way to repress your emotions.

So, it goes like this. I feel something – I have to eat to repress the feeling. – and it doesn’t last because I feel something else – and I have to eat more. To make matters more complicated, the feelings are attached to events that have long passed. Either way, people are addicted to deadening themselves.

The way out is to Gradually live with what is; become aware of feelings, thoughts, impulses and the million things that catch our attention. If you’ve been around people when they are newly sober, you’ll hear them talk about the magnificent sunrise or breathing clean air as though they had never noticed them before. They’re right. They were so shut down they could not become aware of nature.

Changing binge behavior is rarely a straight path. Uncomfortable feelings can send people back to the same reactions. Don’t give up. Create a safe place or practice, such as meditation or deep breathing. You’ll realize that it is liberating to live your life fully, and you’ll be in control of your behaviors.

Yoga practice begins with awareness of the breath. The breath is synced to movement, so we feel breath / energy move in our body. As we get used to this feeling, it becomes uncomfortable to block this feeling with food.

Deep relaxation practice keeps our nervous system in check. Tensing and relaxing each muscle group brings awareness of letting go, even fear-based responses.

In Meditation practice, we allow ourselves to separate from reactions to thoughts and emotions. We notice. We see. We keep breathing. We allow the thought to come and go and finally see that it is the nature of mind to offer thoughts but it is not mandatory that we react to them.

When supportive practices are developed, you will see clearly if you are ready to change. Be compassionate and take it slow. Let the binges decrease. This behavior is not serving you.

Loka Samastha Sukino Bhavantu said, “May all beings be free and happy.” Free yourself. Be with it and you will free with it!

After all, isn’t that why we celebrate Independence Day?!

What I Wish People Would Ask Me About Insurance and Therapy

Often my first contact with a potential client is by a telephone call or email. This is a time I would like to hear about their problem and let them know if I can help or not. That is what I wish to hear. What I really hear is, “Do you take my insurance?” Insurance is a big thing but it’s not the most important thing, is it? Is it more important that I can help you with XY or Z?

The insurance triangle. It’s a lot like the Bermuda triangle. It’s easy to get lost and never return. The conversation about insurance leads us down a hole. Am I on your provider panel? Have you met your deductible (most people don’t know). What is your co-pay? Do you want to file insurance knowing that your information will not be confidential (as in for my ears only). Some parents opt to pay out-of-pocket so their children will not have a “history.” Thinking of running for public office? Will your office visit for marital problems somehow “leak” out?

Confidentiality is sacred. Counselors treat it as such. That said, everyone knows about HIPPA laws from clerks, payers, and the ones filing claims.

The Difference between Counselors and Psychiatrists. I wish people knew the difference between counselors and psychiatrists. I am a licensed professional counselor with a PHD in Psychology. I am trained to conduct psychotherapy sessions, to listen, help people heal from trauma, set and achieve goals and more.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors with a specialty in the brain. They understand neurology, neurotransmitters, those “chemicals” in the brain, and the brain functioning. They are not trained in listening. So, when I get a call and the person says “I need to talk. I need a psychiatrist” I think they don’t know the difference or perhaps they actually do need both. That would not be unusual. Psychiatrists are experts in pharmacology. They know medication and the desired effect. If the client comes to me and can barely talk because they are severely depressed, I refer the client to a psychiatrist because we know an antidepressant will lift mood and make it easier for the client to talk about what is bothering him/her.

Social Work Versus Therapy / Counseling. I sometimes testify in court as an expert. Judges and lawyers can get confused about what expert does what. I remember a lawyer asking me, “Did you go to the home?” Answer: “No, I’m not a social worker.” One difference between therapists and social work is where work takes place. Social workers go to the person receiving help. It is either in an office or a place called “in the field” meaning outside the office. “In the field” can mean a client’s school or usually the client’s home. An office is usually a private place where therapist and client meet that is maintained by the therapist. Therapy is done at the therapist’s office. These days it is a virtual office.

Educational Background. I wish clients knew to ask about educational background. I don’t mean asking about passing or failing grades but whether or not I attended an accredited university and whether or not I am licensed. Becoming licensed is an arduous process. Most professionals holding themselves out to the public have made the effort to do the work and pass the test and pay dues every year. We must keep up on learning new things, comply with ethical standards, and contribute to our professional community’s support. Not all therapists are created equal.

Oh yes, one more thing. Please don’t ask your counselor their birthday, who they voted for, or their religious beliefs. We are ethically bound to our privacy. The focus of counseling is always about the client, and we are legally bound to keep it that way. So, please know that we like you and appreciate you, but we cannot share private things because it’s unethical for us.

I hope this helps unravel a little bit of what you may not learn from a referral or clinic about your options. If you have further questions, feel free to reach out to me!

How to Deal with Failure or Disappointment Checklist

1.) Three tips for surviving failure and learning to fail forward.

Learn from mistakes
Let go of what didn’t work
Don’t beat yourself up!

2.) Reframe negative situations. Use the following example to help you reframe your own negative situations & write some below.

A client emails you with corrections for a project you turned in the day before:
- Negative self talk: oh no – she must think I’m an idiot.
- Positive self talk: Great, I can fix these up and get them back to her in no time.

**Now, stop here and take out your notebook. Try to write down an example of something negative here and reframe it.

3.) Don’t get too attached to the original expected outcome of something by practicing:

Acceptance
Being present
Gratitude
Questioning yourself & why you’re attached to the outcome

Click here to download this from the website as an exercise to print.

I’m a Sucker for Anthems

I’m not a big sports fan, and the only baseball or football games I loved were those my grandsons played in. The national anthem was played and I noticed It roused emotions, even tears. And, I don’t even like most of the words like “bombs bursting in air.” I find it creepy.

But, the last line hits a home run, “Oh,say, does that Star-Spangled Banner yet wave O’re the land of the free and the home of the brave?”.

I could claim it is patriotism that moves me, but I get emotional over “God Save the Queen” as well. Of course, the music is grand, but it’s not just that. It is a reminder of all the people before us who worked to secure independence for us. I rather like being free.

There must have been days when they wanted to stay home, throw in the towel and give up. But, it seems on more days than not, they took the next step rusting in themselves and letting their faith carry them forward.

If you are working from home upstairs in a spare bedroom or on a laptop on the kitchen table—you’re unaware how the work you do will benefit others and yourself. You do it anyway, walking in faith. If you are writing the greatest Novel ever or writing in your daily journal, do you hear the talk in your head that makes you feel anxious? Or wind up living with the Impostor syndrome?

The next time you find yourself doubting yourself whether it’s your business, your writing or something else entirely, I recommend you do this:

Find strength in a line in your own “anthem” that demonstrates to those who come after you that you had what it took to move forward in faith and trust. Walt Whitman wrote that everybody has a verse to sing in this world.

Do that and take the next step in your journey.

“Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.”

~ Wallace Stevens

The Trap of the Familiar

The trap of the familiar is our tendency to seek comfort in the known and familiar experiences we have had. It is human nature, so don’t berate yourself if you align yourself with others with whom you find familiarity and comfort.

This seemingly unconscious desire to align with what or who we already know, rather than that which feels uncertain and insecure, gives rise to an inability to see and experience the truth. We are locked into a narrower perspective and miss out on an array of possibilities in every area of life, including personal growth and expression of your creativity.

Opening ourselves up to feelings of discomfort is not easy at first, but it’s almost always worth it. We need to be ready and willing to enter into mental spaces where we are not necessarily at ease. We need to face our fear of letting go.

It would be too deterministic to believe there is some set of simple instructions or protocols that can lead us to a place of harmony. If you have a strategy or tactic or some kind of fix that you think will have a particular result, you’re coming from a place of knowing rather than not knowing. Coming from a place of not knowing is more likely to lead us to greater harmony and openness. So we begin with simply not knowing.

So, examine your ideas and beliefs and be ready to drop them. Everything we need is already in us or around us—we simply need to move past any fixed perspective.

Try this powerful exercise.

Just for the fun of it, take a sheet of paper and draw a box, divide into four quadrants. Write these questions in each of the quadrants.

Question 1: What do I hate doing?
Question 2: What is NOT my job?
Question3: What should I stop doing?
Question 4: What are my distractions?

Be honest. Next, analyze your list and identify the #1 action step you will make to get closer to your vision of your creative self. For that you will need to free up time. Once you have delegated, eliminated, or automated all the things that are killing your time and spirit, you’ll have freed up “hidden” hours each week and brought yourself closer to expressing yourself or trying the unfamiliar.

What do you want to have in your free box? Make a life list, a bucket list, vision board, etc. and write a couple in your free box with a date by when you’d like to do this. Put it on your calendar – just for fun – to get your brain wrapped around this and you will automatically start to come up with strategies. Like magic.

If you are still pretending you are “fine”, read this article about Smiling Depression. Smiling Depression is when we’re depressed but we smile and tell everyone we’re fine. See if this is you.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/smiling-depression

What is Meditation and Why Should I do it?

Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation and believe it has a religious or spiritual meaning, but that’s not always true. Many people, including agnostics, find meditation to be beneficial and use it when they need serenity.

There are several different types of meditation but here are 3 of the most popular forms:

Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation where a mentor or teacher encourages someone to visualize a certain outcome. For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks. During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael..He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra. The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as Meditation
Another form of meditation is mindfulness. It’s focused on staying in the moment without fear or judgement. Rather, you become an observer of your inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you can sit or lie comfortably and listen to your thoughts. The key is not to react to what you’re thinking. For example, you think about cookies in the kitchen but then remember you’re supposed to be on a diet. You instantly feel guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best for you.

Ready to start meditating? Email me at patriciabrawley@earthlink.net with the word Meditation in the subject line to learn more about an upcoming course/class.

Self Care for the Holidays and New Year

All year long you’ve heard more about self care than you did in the 80s when it was discovered that stress makes us sick. Now is not the time to give up, especially because I’ve given you some tips that are feel-good options.

While your stress is unique, the brain response is predictable. Thoughts lead to emotions and behavior, such as overeating, becoming a couch potato, raging at whatever crosses your path. .

What if you are already depressed or anxious? Does that mean you are doomed to lead a life filled with stress challenges? The good news – absolutely not! There are ways to manage both mental disorders and stress before you can’t tell which came first.

Here is a list of what and how and why.

1.) Listening to your Body is important.

What: Tune in to what your body is saying.

How: Set an alarm for every two hours each day. Tune into how you are feeling in that moment. Write down what your body needs, such as a stretch, a foot massage, a few deep breaths or a 10 minute meditation break. Are you hungry? Do you need a break? A nap?

Why: Your body deserves having needs met and often we stop paying attention when we are pressed (stressed) for time. But it will sneak up on you later in the form of illness, restlessness, anxiety, etc.

2.) Lean into your Thoughts and Feelings.

What: Tune into what you are thinking and feeling.

How: Devote a few minutes every day to journaling about what’s on your mind and what you are feeling. It can be as simple as “I’ve been thinking about…. Today.” and “Right now, I am feeling……”

You might list all the things that trigger an emotion, such as anger or sadness. Another feeling worth exploring is fear. For two minutes, let yourself write about fear. It may not be the “main” feeling but it lingers in the back of your mind and stops us from doing what we want.

You may want to write down how you’ve behaved at the end of the day.

What sensations do you feel in your body?

Why? To remind yourself you are not your thoughts. You are a separate person who is having thoughts and emotions and you can begin to see a pattern related to stressful situations.

3.) Dreams are Important.

What: We’ve been trained to disregard our dreams, telling ourselves our dreams are weird or “just a dream.” Yet, they leave messages during the night, offer insights and, with proper interpretation, motivate us to be curious about our own mind. They are both biologically and psychologically important for mental health and well being. These are the night dreams.

What about Day Dreams? They are equally important. Don’t feel guilty for exploring what you really love to do. The same goes for what your goals and aspirations are. Don’t expect anyone else to love it like you do. It’s not their Dream. You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow to live your dreams.

How: Channel them into your days, whether it’s putting together a jigsaw puzzle of Paris before you plan a trip or putting your feelings into a poem or painting them in an art class.

Knowing and living your dreams is a great act of self-love. Put away the shoulds and consider what you really love to do. What activities bring you joy? What are your aspirations? What would you do for free? What did you love as a child? You don’t have to overhaul your career to live your dreams. You can channel your dreams into your days, whether it’s penning a poem before work or painting in the evenings. These are suggestions, but the action should be doing something you enjoy.

Why? It soothes your body, mind, and spirit.

4.) Be Mindful.

What? Do a mindful Exercise.

How? Practicing mindful exercises such as yoga or mindful walking is a safe way to reconnect with your body and accept this is “now.” Mindful exercise is not driven to manipulate your body into a pretzel or attain a number on your step-counter.

Why? It cultivates kindness and acceptance toward your body. It is enjoyable.

5.) Every sea has a shore. Establish healthy boundaries.

What? Say no because you are being true to yourself, not being bad to others.

How? Start small and stick with it. Lean how to say, “I wish I could do that for you, but my time is already booked.” in your own words.

Why? Boundaries are essential for reducing stress. It is easy to fall into relationships that undermine your mental health and contribute to stress by asking more and more of you, even to the point where you forget about self care.

6.) Write a love Letter

What: Write a message that counteracts the ANTS in your mind. ANTS stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. You can picture these little buggers crawling all over your brain when you catch yourself having a harsh, critical, judgmental thought.

How: Replace these ANT thoughts with positive affirmations about yourself. If this feels weird, make a list of your attributes, accomplishments, traits,. Imagine a friend writing this about you. The letter is written in your kind, loving voice. The self-critical statements are untrue. Replace them with realistic, helpful or compassionate messages to yourself.

Why? Because some days are crummy and the ANTs take over. It’s good to have a positive letter to come back to and read again to put things in perspective.

7.) Make a Date.

What? Include activities that nourish your soul and make you smile and feel relaxed.

How? Go to your Calendar and schedule several dates with yourself this month.

Why? Treat yourself like someone you love. If you can’t think of where you would like to go or what activity would be fun, you’ll have to keep an open mind to learn these things. You are a human being who needs care and you are the best person to provide that care. Don’t wait until someone reads your mind. They may never guess you like to go to a stationary store and smell paper and handle pens.

If you are struggling with this and need help, you can schedule a coaching consultation or therapy session with me, and I’d be happy to help you get started!

Nurturing Grit

Where does Grit come from? What is it? Do you want it?

One would think that children who were intelligent (I Q) and were socially intelligent (EQ) would do the best in school. Not always. Predictors of success in school and in life turn out to be Stamina, Passion, Persistence, in other words, Grit.

Every college teacher knows that students come into the classroom with a diverse educational background and a reason to succeed at succeeding or succeed at failing. Either way, they work hard. I remember my surprised when I learned that students from church schools taught by uneducated teachers competed well against their peers who were taught at private or public schools with trained educators. The difference between them was the church schooled students didn’t know as much as the others but they would go find the answers. They were willing to do the work. They wanted to learn more than play. I didn’t know what to call this then but now I would say they had “Grit.” They didn’t give up just because they didn’t know the answer.

There is a lesson to learn.

Whatever your gift, if you don’t take the time to ____________ (fill in the blank) write, exercise, etc. chances are you won’t end up with what you desire. You’ve heard that writers should write every day whether you feel like it or not. My meditation teacher, Jon Kabat Zinn, told us we should meditate every day whether we wanted to or not. Show some grit and do the thing you know you should do.

You will have setbacks. That’s the point. Don’t stop or give up. Find a hero who succeeded after rejection letters, failed attempts and still kept going. Pay homage.

Your day will get busy. Your attention collapses into that of a gnat. That’s why you should write, exercise, do chores, or work early in the day before email, phone calls, and daily routines steal you away from your goals. Plan your creative time as though you were meeting a lover because you are. Fall in love with your desires, your work, or your art. That’s Grit, too.

None of us have to re-invent the wheel to let our light shine. Read about others, adapt their advice and apply it to your life. You will soon feel more confident. If you put in the work and show up for your life and what motivates you, you’ll get better at whatever you are doing or learning. That is Grit, too.

There’s Always Something to Be Grateful For

Funny how things change my attitude and perspective. I intended to write about the benefits of fall weather, how beautiful the changes, the welcoming of coolness, etc. when one MORE hurricane was predicted to come our way. When I looked at the news the little swirling circle showing the path of the hurricane was right over my house. I know. I know. Some of you saw it as a time to have a Hurricane Party but that’s not my style.

Maybe I should lighten up but once you are traumatized it is difficult to forget what weather can do. One of my students lost her house in the last hurricane. Another is still sandbagging when I talked to her yesterday. A friend’s sister barely escaped a fire with a handful of clothes. Five neighbors perished. I/we have a lot to be grateful for.

But today, I decided to shift focus from scarcity to gratefulness. Like Oprah, I made a gratitude list in my journal this morning. I have enough: air to breathe, life to live, food, shelter, water, love, and friends. I am blessed. I hope you will do the same and feel how good gratefulness feels. There’s always something we can do to feel better if it’s nothing more than chewing gum. Sing a song. Remember I wrote a series all around “This little Light of Mine” earlier this year? Now is a good time to sing it again.

For a visual of how to change perspective, check out Nicole’s pictures on the right! For those of you who may not know her, Nicole is my virtual assistant. These photos are of a beach she visited in Michigan at the end of August. One would no picture this loveliness when you think of Michigan, but there it was. People who saw these pictures thought it was a tropical island.

Other than sharing the loveliness of these photos, the point is that you never know what you’ll find if you look locally. There are tons of wonderful places to visit right in your own backyard. If you’ve been cooped up due to Covid and are feeling restless, do a quick Google search on things around you that you are interested in. You may be able to find something very interesting without going to far at all.

And be grateful for the small blessings in your life because we aren’t promised another day with our loved ones, another chance to do something, or another opportunity to seize the day.

The Muses Kiss

Therapeutic Writing to Peacefully Navigate Life's Changes