Category Archives: Joy

Boredom is Creativity in Disguise

CreativityI’ve got to quit saying “I’m never bored.” I am an only child and feel that I can always find something to do to amuse myself. However, from all the research I’ve read and experiences bear this out, boredom is great for creativity! It’s not something we should try to avoid.

John Cleese (Monty Python fame) said: “We don’t know where we get our ideas from. We do know that we do not get them from our laptops.”  Graham Linehan, an Irish TV comedy writer and director put it this way:  “The creative process requires a period of boredom, of being stuck,” he says. ”

If you are a writer, it feels like an uncomfortable period we mistake for writer’s block, but it’s actually just part one of a long process.

The internet has made it difficult to experience boredom.  We can’t stop following the breadcrumbs of hotlinks, Facebook, twitter, and before long we’ve tweeted up half our work day. This is a form of idleness and, believe it or not, not always a bad thing. But you need to make the conscious effort to put boundaries around this for yourself. Though it gets a bad wrap, the internet can be a plethura of ideas and inspiration as long as it’s used in moderation.

I think you will agree, that surfing the web is not the same kind of idleness as taking a walk or engaging in hobbies you really like. The kind of experience where time goes by before you know it. However you choose to do it, being idle is one of our most important activities in life. Give yourself permission to do this even though it isn’t the popular thing to do.

You see, the brain, like an airplane, can switch to “autopilot’ when we relinquish manual control. The autopilot knows where you really want to go and what you really want to do. The only way to find out what your autopilot knows is to stop flying the plane and let your autopilot guide you.

When the poem shows up or a great idea to solve a problem, you’ll know who to thank. Boredom is just creativity in disguise!

For more great free resources visit the website HERE.

Your Personal Fuel Crisis

fulfilledYou have the best intentions to take good care of yourself. You exercise, drop sugary foods from your menu choice try to sleep enough, get your nails done, etc. It can be overwhelming!

I’m defining fuel as anything that you do to sustain yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Things that fuel you feel right and good. If getting your nails done feels like a chore, it’s not fueling you!

We recognize the cliché of “running on empty”. But do you know what really fuels you?

Try This Exercise to Find Out…

Your To Do List and your To Not Do List

Try this out for a week. Take your To Do List and circle the items that are priorities. Underline the things on your list you will say NO to if it interferes with taking care of yourself and/or drains your energy.

For example, does checking your email after 4 p.m. make you feel better or worse? Do you really need to know what people want from you at 4 p.m.? Or could it wait until tomorrow morning when you have more energy?

Are there activities on your To-Do list that drain you? If you have to do them, at least choose a time of day when you are likely to breeze through the task. Delegate what you can.

As Warren Buffet says, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”  We can aim to put more things on our No list. If you do this right, you should free up some of your time.

Choose self-care that makes sense for you and schedule it. That way, you’re busy and you have to say “No” to other things.

Maybe you feel energized when you take a walk in the woods or play with the cat. You may release stress when you play with the kids or snuggle with your special loved one. Working on hobbies, watching a movie, playing or just chilling out has a way of making us feel better.

Action Step: What is one thing you can say “No” to today and what is one thing you can put into your day that will fuel your mind, body, and spirit?

Think about things like fun, contemplation time, physical activity, sleep, and social connection. These kinds of activities are the fuel for your focus and productivity during the day which will allow you to leave work knowing you spent your time well.

For more great free resources visit the website HERE.

Chasing Two Bunnies

twobunnies2Chasing Two Bunnies

Which Bunny are You Chasing?

I recently read a blog article by David Nagle that said that trying to run two business is like chasing two bunnies. He goes on to say that what you focus on is what will grow and you should try to focus on one thing at a time.

I totally get this. When inspiration hits, I get a lot of ideas at once. There are times that I wanted to pursue more than one business, so I could serve people in different ways. I feel passionate about all of them and have to make some decisions about what to focus on.  Did that ever happen to you?

Can you visualize yourself in your yard with several bunnies running in different directions and you are trying to chase all of them? They may all be fuzzy, cute and tempting, but you can’t possibly catch them all at once.

In order to figure out which bunny is the best one for you, you need to ask yourself which one you want the most and why. What is the underlying reason you want that particular bunny? You also need to explore whether or not you have any fear around pursuing these options as well. Confronting your fears will help you move past them.

You may also get stuck because you want to pursue one option, but you’re afraid the other one will go away. Remember, you can always come back later and pursue something else. If you think the opportunity may not be there later, but you know there’s another option you want to pursue a little more, let it go. If it was meant to be, it’ll come around again.

Just be sure to pick one direction or you may find yourself wasting a whole lot of energy running in different directions without any bunnies to show for it.

If you need one-on-one help with this, you can book a complimentary session with me HERE.

*Disclaimer: these suggestions are not meant to substitute for medical treatment of depression.

5 Ways to Create an AntiDepressant Brain

happybrain2Everyone has had times when things just seemed out of whack and bleak. Job performance, relationships, health, and/or plans have suffered. Depression robs us of happiness.

Elisha Goldstein, author of the book Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion, has studied what helps create more resilience and happiness within us and has found it is within us a core set of natural antidperessants.  Here are 5 suggestions to shift our brain activity in ways that can lend itself to shaping an antidepressant brain.

1.) Mindfulness could reduce depression.

Mindfulness is defined as the quality of state of being conscious or aware of the present moment and how you feel and accepting how you feel. Mindfulness practice is connected to lower depression scores, and we can actually see why in the brain. When people practice mindfulness they spend less time in the part of the brain that ruminates on the old stories that keep us stuck in the past. Instead, they spend more time connecting to the area of the brain responsible for sensing the world.

2.) Self-compassion can powerfully fight anxiety.

Self-compassion reduces rumination (spending time rehearsing those unhelpful stories from the past) and increases well-being. This is inversely correlated with anxiety and depression.

3.) Compassion practices can increase empathy.

Compassion practices can shift activity to the left prefrontal cortex, and that has been more associated with positive emotions and resiliency. We can also grow the areas of the brain associated with empathy and compassion.

4.) Play can be a natural anti-depressant.

Studies reveal that the act of play as well as creating more enriching environments can give us energy, make us more efficient, and serve as a natural anti-depressant.

5.) Living with purpose could reduce inflammation.

Living with greater purpose has been shown to reduce the expression of genes associated with cellular inflammation. Cellular inflammation is associated with many diseases and depression.

The science that continues to come out about mindfulness, self-compassion, purpose, compassion, play and confidence and their neurological benefits is incredibly motivating.

But don’t take my word for it – begin to bring these natural antidepressants into your life, and see what you notice. Of course, this list just scratches the surface of how to naturally create a more antidepressant brain.

*Disclaimer: these suggestions are not meant to substitute for medical treatment of depression.

 

Get Your Joy Map Here

I created this Joy Map one-page handout just for you. You can use this as a guide to create joy in your life. You deserve to be happy! Not just the “I’m okay, how are you?” kind of happy, the “I’m extatic and I love my life and work.” kind of happy. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Now is the perfect time. Ready? Go!

1.) Print this out.
2.) Sit somewhere inviting and comfortable.
3.) Complete this with relaxed intention.
3.) Plot out your goals or create a vision board with this.
4.) Live Happily Ever After!

Download Your Joy Map Here

3 Ways to Break Up with Summer and FALL in Love

treeloveDuring the fall season everything starts to change. The world as you know it starts to prepare itself to sleep. The leaves turn colors and fall from the trees, our season of fun and taking it easy comes to an end, the days get shorter, and the temperature outside drops and animals go into hibernation. Fall and winter are a time of “death” to prepare for outstanding “re-birth” in the spring.

What does this mean for you?

You are also part of nature, and it’s normal for you to experience physical, mental and emotional changes too. Like other animals, your body goes into “hibernation mode”. You may feel more tired and hungry than usual.  It’s also natural to feel a little sad or cranky. Some people want to nest. Nesting is when a person instinctually wants to clean out their physical spaces or other areas of life. Many people go through a very slight summer “mourning” process. It’s almost as if you are breaking up with summer. If this is not enough, fall is a naturally busier time as well, since the kids are back to school and we often get busier at work. So just as we reach a time of lower energy, we are expected to step it up, right?

Here’s the good news. Just because your body naturally goes through these changes, that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing. Help yourself fall in love with fall! You are aware of what is happening to you during the fall, so you have an opportunity to use your natural rhythms to accomplish great things! Here are a few great things you can do to embrace and enjoy this transitional time.

Clear out the Clutter. Clean out your closets and other areas of your home or office that are cluttered. If you didn’t get around to this over the summer because you were out enjoying your life, now is a great time to take action and clear things out before winter comes. Because it’s not as warm outside, it’s a great time to have a yard sale or tackle an outside project.

Release What’s Not Serving You. Maybe you need to clear out old relationships that are no longer serving you well. In Tyler Perry’s play, Medea goes to Jail, Medea (the main character) talks about seasonal people versus those people in our lives who are “roots”. She suggests that, when people make us unhappy, they are supposed to be “seasonal” and fall out of our lives like the leaves in the fall. This beautiful analogy can also be applied to work, stagnant goals, and many other parts of life. Set some quiet time aside to assess your life and create a plan to say goodbye to people, things or goals that aren’t working out in your life In article I read recently in O Magazine, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how we need to reach “catharsis”. Catharsis is defined as, “the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.” According to Gilbert and her friend Jim MacLaren, you cannot reach full catharsis until you totally let go of what’s bugging you. You can’t stay half in and half out and feel total relief. So, let it go!

Have Fun and Find Ways to Keep Your Blues at Bay. There are tons of ways to have fun during the fall even when it’s cold and rainy. On nice days, go outside and rake the leaves, take a walk or ride a bike. Soak up the sun whenever you get the chance. Visit a pumpkin patch if one is close by or go to a local zoo. Let yourself take a nap and leave the window open, so you can enjoy the weather. Even a short 20-minute nap can make a huge difference in the way you feel. On the rainy days, enjoy a cup of your favorite tea, diffuse some essential oils, or do an art project and find your creative sweet spot.

Whatever your fall rhythm is, embrace it and live it up!

How to Develop an Intimate Relationship with Your Body

In this article, I discuss one perspective on the intimate relationship we have with our bodies, particularly weight. It is a mundane topic but one that graces the cover of almost every magazine in the grocery store check-out line and many ads on TV.  Like many of us, I grapple with the problems and attitude that intrudes into day-to-day life and causes us to act on impulse and desire. Happiness will never come from grasping and yet, what are we to do? Give up? No. Give in. Give in to the situation and make it better.

Consider the benefits of becoming intimate with your body. All of it. It’s size, age, beauty and flaws. The parts that hurt and the parts you like are all part of the weight. Weight is more than a number. I’m not saying numbers are meaningless. Far from it. Numbers give us direction. But, there is so much more than body mass that makes up the number we see on the scale.

Just like when you are in relationships with others, intimacy has to do with seeing yourself in others and feeling they are “like me.” Your identity is not challenged and you are not disturbed by what others think or feel about you. But, when there is a disconnect with identity, perhaps weight, you look in the mirror and think, “This is not me.” But, you need to look deeper to find out why you are feeling the disconnect. Is it because there is a true gap between the person you see in the mirror and who you are inside? Or is it because you think you need to be someone else to make others happy?

We don’t want others to see us as overweight. We care what they think about us because we are always thinking about ourselves, rather than the other person. We become self-conscious. In Buddhism, the second noble truth shows us that the source of suffering comes from desire and excessive focus on self. We want something outside ourselves to fix it.  It could be a person or the latest diet pill.

When I think of how many people are unhappy about their weight, I feel very sad at how weight has become the focus and such a big marker for happiness. Some may be teased by others, are internally traumatized by it, or are physically sick from it.

I’d like to raise awareness that a perfect weight is NOT the goal, or a reason to become self-critical. Knowing if you truly do want to lose weight and why is the goal.

If you are happy in your own skin, that’s all that matters! If you’re not, ask yourself why. Become more aware of how you are talking to yourself about your body. Lighten up. Make a list of the things you love about yourself. Drop the criticisms and create an action plan to bridge the gap if there is one In meditation, hold your body in totality. Try to not celebrate gaining or losing pounds. It’s distracting from the joy of living.

The Responsibility of Having Joy in Your Life

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
—Thomas Edison

joy-1We all want it. Joy, that is. Is it possible to live with a sense of peace and joy without it being the holidays or a celebratory event? What about mundane days when ordinary moods and issues singe the edges of every memory and we can’t recall ever having joy? More, we don’t know to get it.

It may be hard to believe that you can have a place in your mind and body that is separate from the mind’s chaos; your mind that sounds like the breaking evening news with threats, worries, fears and more.

You have choices. We all have choices. We can complain, blame, stay angry about real things that have happened to us. Real people who have wronged us. Notice I write those sentences in past tense. None of that is happening now. And yet, it’s so easy to get trapped into the notion that we should spend our time, precious mental life energy, rethinking, remembering and reliving the past rather than live without the baggage. Well, it can be done and plenty of others have found that it’s not hard to change a few things in order to escape the misery of negative emotions and limiting beliefs.

On a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest level and 10 the highest, evaluate how justified you believe you are to feel unhappy, angry or some other feeling about a situation that affects your daily mood. 1 would indicate no impact at all on your daily life and numbers toward 10 would indicate that you believe you have a right to feel this way.

Now, on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest level and 10 the highest, what is your level of joy, happiness or peace on an everyday basis?

Would you like those numbers to change? It’s all up to you.

You see, we are all responsible for our ongoing negative moods as well as our positive moods. I know you’re saying, “But what about….?” Yes, it’s true tragedy, death and upsetting events will happen as long as we live. Some of these will challenge us to the core. That’s why it is important to learn and practice the little changes now and add skills over time, such as learning to carry a sense of peace within no matter what is happening.

Here are a few things you can do to make small changes. You can become aware of your worry thoughts. It may take effort but most people can write down a few things on their minds. Ask yourself if there is anything you can do to change it. “It” can be a memory, wish, worry that intrudes into your thoughts. Has “it” already happened? Is “it” happening now? Is there any reason to give up your happiness, time and wellbeing thinking about this? Does it feel good to think about “it”?

If “it” were a nagging child, what would you say? Stop! Quit! Something like that? Hmmmm…

And, if you were to stop and release this thought, how do you imagine you would feel? Use our 1 to 10 scale again.

It’s up to you. It’s up to all of us to be responsible for ourselves and live out our days with more sense of control, esteem, creativity. Don’t let the past stand in your way. You have a creative spirit just waiting to feel the joy of living. What else do we have?