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3 Ways We Know Santa is Alive and Well

Tis’ the season of giving!  Now is the time of year that we all give a little more of ourselves. While you are making your list and checking it twice, there are 3 things you can do now that will set you up for an awesome 2017 and keep the spirit of Santa alive in your life.

Here they are.

1.) Give to Others. It’s for you just as much as it’s for them! During this time of year, many of us give to charity. Some people set up their budgets and plans for giving in the new year around this time as well. It really doesn’t matter if you plan as you go or you plan in advance. But, I encourage you to think about causes that mean something special to you this year and decide how you want to contribute. Giving doesn’t always have to be about money. You could give time to a school, church, or person who needs help. Your kids could shovel snow or mow the lawn for someone disabled. I’m going to sign up for ‘give an hour” program for veterans. Donate to local causes, so you can get a good understanding of how the money is being used.

When you are proactive about giving, it pays you back in a multitude of ways. First, it simply feels good to serve others. When you consciously choose the organizations you donate to, you’ll get the opportunity to see the full impact of how you are helping others. Second, you have a chance to figure out what level of giving fits into your budget and/or into your schedule and you are more likely to follow through with it. Last but not least, you can look back at how you and your family incorporated service / donations into your lives and you can make decisions about what you’d like to do in the future. Plus, you can deduct charitable expenses! There’s no better feeling in the world than stepping up to give to others instead of living with the nagging feeling that you could have done something but didn’t. So, do it to free yourself and you will immediately be more happy! Ask yourself, “What would Santa do?”.

2.) Ask yourself what gift you’d love to give YOU this year. I mentioned this to you in my personal note, and I want to take a minute here to elaborate. This could be a big deal or it could be something small. If you’d love to give yourself a healthy body, give yourself the gift of time to exercise every day. Make that time sacred in your calendar and do not give it up to anyone.

If you’d like to give yourself the gift of a trip to Paris, give yourself small gifts all year that will help you reach that goal. Buy a map of Paris, start learning French, or start a savings plan and contribute whatever you can this year. Your gift to yourself could even be something as simple as signing up for a magazine subscription or getting a new book that you’ve been wanting to read for a long time.

Give yourself whatever your heart desires! Who ever said you should be deprived of what you want? You deserve to have something just for YOU! Just knowing you’re taking action to give yourself something you really want will make you happier and prevent you from doing things from a place of lack in your life. If you want something and take steps to give it to yourself, the universe will act like Santa Clause and immediately fulfill it for you! Just like that…really!

3.) Pick a theme word for your life. Everyone knows Santa Clause’s purpose. His mantra is “Ho, ho, ho!” and when you hear it, you know there’s a jolly man in a red suit running around delivering presents. What’s your mantra? The more clear you are about what you want your “theme” for this year to be, the easier it will be to think about your goals and measure your progress. Doing this one thing before the end of the year can be extremely liberating. I picked “virtual” knowing that I’d like to do a lot more online work this year and I immediately felt less stressed. I also started getting a ton of ideas on how I want to be more “virtual”. What’s your theme word for this year? Maybe sit down with a piece of paper and just start writing words until you find one that feels right to you. That may seem odd, but take 2 minutes and try it. You’ll be amazed at how well it works! A few ideas to get your started…kindness, abundance, love, partnership, health.

Happy Holidays and Ho, Ho, Ho to you and yours!

*this information does not take the place of medical treatment

Do Less Give More

Life is about serving others with our best gifts and talents and experiencing the simple joys that life offers. But do you ever feel resentful or depleted when giving to others?

If so, you may be creating your own unnecessary drama. If you feel resentful or are totally exhausted by all the giving you are doing, whether it’s personal or professional, you are a martyr. I read an article about this in the September edition of Oprah Magazine called, “Are you a drama mama?”, which gives a great example of this.

Martyr’s give too much to others and pretend it’s okay, but they are really overwhelmed and boiling over inside. Martyrs may even outwardly complain about the situation but then make excuses for why they “have to do” this or that. In most cases, it’s simply not true.

Some people are aware that they do this and some are so caught up in “the rut”, they don’t even realize how much has piled up on their plates. Consciously or unconsciously, martyrs think they have to punish themselves in this way to get love and acceptance. They think, “I have to DO for others, or I don’t deserve love”. This is what I like to call “stinking thinking”.

Most of you know what your limits are and need to respect your body and limitations. At the very least, you know when you feel exhausted or overworked over an extended period of time, and you know something has to change. If your health and wellbeing is being compromised because of how much you are doing for others, it’s time to stop being a drama mama or drama papa and set some boundaries!

I mean, let’s get real. If junior has to go to soccer practice, and you’re shoving him out the door without a proper meal and yelling at him all the way there because you have to “hurry up”, so you can get to the next thing after it’s over, do you think that’s giving him a quality life experience? Then, you might try to make up for your overwhelm or shortness in a situation by doing even more and then feeling totally exhausted. Sound familiar? If you don’t develop some balance and start saying no to what’s not vital in your life, you will find yourself emotionally and physically drained and sick and you will eventually be forced to slow down.

A few tips on how to change this.

  1. Plot out all your activities on your calendar, so you can see how much you are actually doing.
  2. Schedule extra time for every activity, so you have plenty of time and can slow down and be fully engaged.
  3. Schedule blocks of free time for yourself. You can use this time to read a book, get a massage, finish a personal project, or whatever is on your list that you consider important but it never seems to get done. Do not delete this time. You must honor these blocks of time like any other appointment.
  4. You will most likely find that something’s got to give. Good! Then, you’re doing this right. Now, ditch, delegate, or schedule items on your list you really don’t have time for. Saying “No” is okay! Not everyone will like this and that’s okay too. The people that really love you will understand and you will be much happier.

By not spreading yourself so thin, you’ll be able to be your best self and give quality instead of quantity to all that you do. Being fully present and connected in everything you do and slowing down to enjoy the people in your world is the best way to show gratitude and appreciation at this time of giving and all year round.

*this information does not take the place of medical treatment

Are you surprised by how angry you can get? Here’s how to manage it.

angerAnger management is an interesting topic because so few people think of themselves as an “angry person” or someone that needs to learn how to manage it. Yet, we may all go through times in our lives when our emotions get the best of us. This could happen due to extreme stress, life changes, or suppressed feelings that bubble up over a long period of time.  So, it’s more common than you think. If you are going through a time in your life when your own anger surprises or sneaks up on you (or you know someone like this), read this Q&A from my most recent monthly newsletter.

Question:

People tell me I need “Anger Management’ Therapy. And, that makes me mad! True, some people set me off. Even my doctor says that I should learn to relax. I don’t get it.

Answer:

Anger can seem to erupt spontaneously but that’s not true. Something triggers this emotion. It could be a fleeting memory about someone, a time when you felt shamed or betrayed. It could come out of the blue.

Anger by itself is not a problem. It comes, it goes. It’s when anger becomes the default emotion that nudges out other emotions that you need to pay attention. Someone cuts in front of you on the highway?  Instead of feeling scared, you get mad. You have to wait in line longer than you would like? You don’t get annoyed. You get mad. Someone didn’t say what you wanted on that text message? You don’t get disappointed. You get mad.

What do you do with that feeling? Do you eat, smoke, or drink it away? Do you hit something? Yell at someone? Hold it in?  Psychology Today wrote, “Anger is the result of beliefs that lead you to place unreasonable demands on circumstances, such as, Life must be fair.” Good luck. All the situations, including ones where people do not live up to your liking, where things are unfair, will show up every day. No one is special. We all deal with “stuff”. Some of our thinking patterns go back to childhood. It also depends on our gender and how we were taught (as girls) to be ”nice.” This can lead to stuffing emotions to the point they turn into passive aggressive behavior, rage, or a hostile attitude that ends relationships.

Accept that you get angry and accept that bad things happen. It’s always been this way. Here are some ways to experience your anger and not let it control you.

1. Count to 10. Yes, you’ve heard this before. It’s not about the counting, it’s about the time. This will allow your breathing to slow down.  .

2. Forgive others for not being ‘perfect.’ Forgiving them stops you from playing the blame scene over and over in your head.

3. Walk away. Take a break. Your headache will go away.

4. Cognitive Restructuring. Change the way you think and change your language in order to allow logic to have a voice. (Stuff happens. It’s not the end of the world.)

5. Go for a run or a walk in nature. Listen. Make a note of what your hear.

6. Jot down your thoughts. If you aren’t sure how, go here to sign up for my free course on therapeutic writing here http://themuseskiss.com/.

These are suggestions. There is no magic potion, but if you feel your concerns are not addressed in these practical suggestions, consider talking over your situation with a licensed therapist. Everyone can learn a few more coping skills.

*this information does not take the place of medical treatment

Zentangle Your Way to Mindfulness

Just like any other bad habit or addiction, it’s important to find something to replace the behaviors that tie you to the dreaded outcome on the scale when you over eat. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. It could be stress, emotional eating, or boredom. If you’ve made food a “go-to” for comfort and/or joy, it’s time to insert something else into your life.

You can find a multitude of things to do to replace food when you are using it as a crutch and aren’t sure what to do with your time or emotions. I’ll just share one with you in this article.

I recently discovered an art form called Zentangle that promotes mindfulness, and it’s very easy to learn and do. What the heck is this?

It’s a relaxing way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It’s kind of a fancy form of doodling. Anyone can use it to create beautiful images. The photo shown here is a board done by a group of women who each did one “tangle” at a Zentangle workshop and then compiled a board or “Zentangle” with all of them on it.

All you need to Zentangle is a square of paper, a .01 graphic pen, and a tortillian pencil. That’s it. It’s very inexpensive. You can put it in your purse or even in the pockets of your clothes. You can take it anywhere and it works extremely well to calm you down and take your mind off of food and whatever is bothering you. Primary school teachers even use this tool to get their students focused and ready to learn new subject matter when they are anxious or restless, and it works like a charm!

What are the benefits to doing Zentangle? It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal wellbeing, and helps to combat boredom and frustration and calm the mind. If you want to learn more about Zentangle, you can go to this site and check it out https://www.zentangle.com/.

3 Ways to Break Up with Summer and FALL in Love

treeloveDuring the fall season everything starts to change. The world as you know it starts to prepare itself to sleep. The leaves turn colors and fall from the trees, our season of fun and taking it easy comes to an end, the days get shorter, and the temperature outside drops and animals go into hibernation. Fall and winter are a time of “death” to prepare for outstanding “re-birth” in the spring.

What does this mean for you?

You are also part of nature, and it’s normal for you to experience physical, mental and emotional changes too. Like other animals, your body goes into “hibernation mode”. You may feel more tired and hungry than usual.  It’s also natural to feel a little sad or cranky. Some people want to nest. Nesting is when a person instinctually wants to clean out their physical spaces or other areas of life. Many people go through a very slight summer “mourning” process. It’s almost as if you are breaking up with summer. If this is not enough, fall is a naturally busier time as well, since the kids are back to school and we often get busier at work. So just as we reach a time of lower energy, we are expected to step it up, right?

Here’s the good news. Just because your body naturally goes through these changes, that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing. Help yourself fall in love with fall! You are aware of what is happening to you during the fall, so you have an opportunity to use your natural rhythms to accomplish great things! Here are a few great things you can do to embrace and enjoy this transitional time.

Clear out the Clutter. Clean out your closets and other areas of your home or office that are cluttered. If you didn’t get around to this over the summer because you were out enjoying your life, now is a great time to take action and clear things out before winter comes. Because it’s not as warm outside, it’s a great time to have a yard sale or tackle an outside project.

Release What’s Not Serving You. Maybe you need to clear out old relationships that are no longer serving you well. In Tyler Perry’s play, Medea goes to Jail, Medea (the main character) talks about seasonal people versus those people in our lives who are “roots”. She suggests that, when people make us unhappy, they are supposed to be “seasonal” and fall out of our lives like the leaves in the fall. This beautiful analogy can also be applied to work, stagnant goals, and many other parts of life. Set some quiet time aside to assess your life and create a plan to say goodbye to people, things or goals that aren’t working out in your life In article I read recently in O Magazine, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how we need to reach “catharsis”. Catharsis is defined as, “the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.” According to Gilbert and her friend Jim MacLaren, you cannot reach full catharsis until you totally let go of what’s bugging you. You can’t stay half in and half out and feel total relief. So, let it go!

Have Fun and Find Ways to Keep Your Blues at Bay. There are tons of ways to have fun during the fall even when it’s cold and rainy. On nice days, go outside and rake the leaves, take a walk or ride a bike. Soak up the sun whenever you get the chance. Visit a pumpkin patch if one is close by or go to a local zoo. Let yourself take a nap and leave the window open, so you can enjoy the weather. Even a short 20-minute nap can make a huge difference in the way you feel. On the rainy days, enjoy a cup of your favorite tea, diffuse some essential oils, or do an art project and find your creative sweet spot.

Whatever your fall rhythm is, embrace it and live it up!

Your Biggest Regret – A Life Changing 3 Minute Video

I found this powerful video that highlights the biggest reason why you shouldn’t fear change. It’s a great complement to last week’s blog article about making change easy. If you read my article last week, you know what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, watch this video and click HERE to read last week’s post. It may just give you the push you need to make some needed changes in your life!

Click HERE or on the image below to watch the video.

yourbiggestregret

The difference between bad habits and unresolved emotions

We all have good habits and bad habits. No one is perfect and they make us who we are. Some of our bad habits are easier to change than others.  We develop some of our bad habits because of other influences in our lives. They could be a result of who we spend our time with or as a result of our environment.

For example, if all of your co-workers go to McDonald’s for lunch every day and you never ate fast food, you may find yourself falling into the bad habit of going with them when you know that what you really need is a good salad. Or maybe you stay up late one night to watch television and you can’t fall asleep at your normal time for the next few nights because of it. That happened as a result of a repeated negative behavior. And sometimes habits like this are easy to break with small adjustments and a little will power.

But then, there are the bad habits that are really stubborn are the most deeply rooted. These habits are tied to our emotions and they are the hardest to break. In order to break these bad habits, you have to be aware of the emotions you are feeling when you carry out these behaviors. For example, you may have developed the habit of going to the cupboard and getting sweets when you were board as a child. The cookies and doughnuts were there for you when you needed to feel a little happy. And you parent may have always made sure there was a ready supply because they and you enjoyed them. They weren’t thinking about sabotaging your future weight loss goals. But, this habit you formed as a child associated with boredom was taught and your brain remembers it.

To combat these habits, you must become aware of them and give yourself a new way to cope with those feelings.

If you want to learn more about this, sign up here to immediately receive an mp3 of my 30-minute teleseminar with handout http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/. In it, I will give you a tool to help you control your emotional triggers.

You may be suffering from trauma and not even know it

I’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

What Do You Mean, I’m TOO OLD To Drink?

Yes, I know you’re over 21 and can do what you darn well please, including drinking. But, do you want to? You may not realize how dangerous it is for seniors to drink. If you or your family members are taking any medications (like Aspirin) and you still drink alcohol, you need to read this!

Alcohol helps many people relax or cope with changes in their lives. It’s not that easy to down-size, retire, deal with adult children and, possibly, aging parents at the same time. This is the plight of people over 55 years-old.

You’re not alone. You have family and friends going through the same thing. Let’s have another round. Put a few more ice cubes in my drink. What’s wrong with that? The doctor said a couple of glasses of wine was good for my health.

I’ll share a story with you. I was recently in a counseling session with an older couple whose marriage was in trouble. The wife was upset that her husband had stopped doing nearly everything. He was almost completely inactive and had become an entirely different person mentally and physically. Once I had the chance to talk to them, we figured out he was taking 3 or 4 powerful prescription meds that minimize one’s energy and drinking alcohol almost daily. Now who would feel like doing anything under those circumstances?

The couple didn’t realize how many depressive meds the husband was taking because he received them slowly over time and the dosages increased. They didn’t think of the drugs as downers because they were from a doctor and used to help with serious conditions. To add to that, he would take over-the-counter meds like Aspirin and give no thought to the effect it would have on his body.

Maybe this hasn’t happened to you but, for many, the glass of wine turns into a life-altering disease. Ask any director of a treatment center and you will hear those stories. How does this happen?

The fact is we get older and body functions (like metabolism) slow down. Two drinks feel and look like four. Because the liver and kidneys do not function as well as they once did and because 83% of people over age 65 are taking prescription drugs (for pain, anxiety, insomnia), your body has to process more than just the two drinks. And, the prescription drugs enhance the effects of alcohol. In negative ways.

We drink alcohol and take medications for the same reason — to feel better. Many people also have a history of using illicit drugs. The number of older adults using illicit drugs is expected to double by 2020 to 3.5 million people!

So, you can see why many people are shocked to learn what they’ve always done is now something they need to quit. Just at a time when all the stresses of aging and change are happening, and both physical and mental pains are emerging.  And you may think, “But, it’s always worked before.”

You may be shocked to know why it’s different now and the simple medications that become harmful when they are coupled with any amount of alcohol. Because I care so deeply about senior health and happiness, I’ve written a full FREE report on this subject, which includes a list of drug interactions. Click here to download it now.

3 Ways to Take Back Your Power

Have you ever wondered why some people have a positive, uplifting vibe and others don’t? We all have both positive and negative states of being or moods. There is a way to have more steady positive experiences. First, we should examine limiting beliefs that were given to us or acquired from others that hold us back. Here are a few examples:

“I can’t be happy if everything in my life is not as I want it.”

 ” I can’t be in a good mood if someone around me is in a bad mood.”

“I can’t be happy if something is bad or going wrong in my life.”

” I don’t know how to be in a good mood on my own.”

Do you see how beliefs such as these can hold you back from taking responsibility for your own happiness? They also create a dependency upon others to provide just the right words and actions to cheer us up. As soon as they look away, the mood would be hard to recapture.

You can change this habit and you should. Here’s how.

Change your mindset. Nothing is going to be perfect forever. Happiness comes in fleeting moments, but we can have more of it if we practice creating more joy and happiness in our lives, no matter the circumstances. Yes, even in the midst of turmoil and despair, you can simply look out the window at a sunrise or revel in the beauty of nature. You can write in your gratitude journal for what you do have. Breathing is number one. Every breath you take is a gift.

Take back your power. You have no control over what other people feel or believe. You are not responsible for their happiness nor are they yours. It feels wonderful when there is a win-win, but it’s not required for your happiness. Take responsibility. Set an intention every day that no matter what other people say, do, or feel, you have the ability to be with them, love them, agree or not agree, and to maintain your intention to have a good day. Keep your energy positive. If you slip into a negative mood, you can naturally shift it back to a positive one.

Find what lights you up inside. With practice and time, your beliefs about happiness will change. You’ll learn that even in the midst of grief, chaos, and change, you can find something inside yourself to experience joy. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.  Here are a few ideas:

  • Enjoy beautiful music that you enjoy like this majestic video composed by Blake Scafidel https://youtu.be/d58wulf8RXA or whatever tickles your fancy.
  • dancing — remember, when you were a kid you didn’t care what you looked like, it came naturally.
  • singing — when you were a kid you thought you were a great singer. It’s only with age and conditioning that we begin to believe otherwise.
  • lighting candles, scented or not
  • fresh flowers on your desk
  • telling jokes, watching movies that make you laugh
  • meditating and/or praying
  • playing with pets
  • stop judging yourself and others –accept there is where you are (and them, too)
  • turn off the news
  • read
  • garden
  • write

Remember that you have control over your happiness despite circumstances. Trust yourself. You will be okay. Set you intention every day, i.e. “I will have a good day, be grateful for beauty, and face issues with joy and grace.”

An Exercise to Let Go and Embrace Transformation

Do something to signify change from that old way of being, believing or habits. You can write a letter to yourself. Create something that represents the old beliefs and burn it in a fire, or take a bath in Epsom Salts.

If you like the idea of writing but aren’t sure how to get started, check out my free Therapeutic Writing e-course here http://www.themuseskiss.com/brawley_free_writing_download.html.