Category Archives: Healing

Two Sides to Every Story

old woman young womanSomething that came up for me during this season of change is the concept of phenomenology. It is defined as the science of phenomena as distinct from that of the nature of being. It’s the study of an individual’s lived experience.

The picture on the right shows us a young woman. Or does it? Look closer, and it’s both a young woman and an old woman. What did your experience of this image show you first?

I was playing with this concept the other night when I was reviewing a short story that I’ve been working on for years off and on. More off then on.

The experts say we should be able to write one sentence that tells the reader what a story is about. I thought I would give that a whirl, since I already had a sentence I liked. But, in re-reading it, it didn’t tell anyone what the story was about at all.

I originally wrote,

“A photograph sets in motion a hunt for a killer.  Two FBI agents, combining white trash smarts and Native American tracking skills, make capturing a killer look like a walk in the park, a trailer park, that is.”

I re-wrote it like this:

“When a young boy finds his murdered mother in a freezer, who could predict he would suffer in silence and direct his rage toward his absent father and the women he loved?”

At first glance, you would never even think this was the same story. This happens all the time in real life.

For example, a client tells a story he/she thinks is the problem. When we look at the bigger picture and ask what is this really about, an entirely different story emerges. It’s not really the husband’s drinking or the wife’s spending that’s the issue. It’s the betrayal and hurt felt as a child by each of them that has triggered their behaviors.

This is so important for us to consider as we are thinking about what motivates or suppresses us and how we feel about others. It affords a look through different eyes with grace and understanding.

JOURNAL EXERCISE:

Turn this around a bit for yourself. Sit and journal about it. Ask yourself, “What is the whole story behind my motivation to do THIS thing or what is holding me back?” Write the answer down, but keep asking this question over and over until you get to the very root of the story. Come back to it another day and ask yourself the same question again. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind the second time or find something new to add.

I’d love to read what you come up with. Feel free to email me or drop me a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn and let me know.

Blessing and Meditation Practice for You

downloadBlessing someone and ourselves costs nothing and gives a great return. You will feel better, more open and compassionate.Give this gift to yourself or someone else who needs it.

Below are some phrases I put together for you.

Pick 3 to start and say them silently. Start with saying the phrase to yourself, such as, “May I be happy and peaceful.” Next think of someone you love and think “May ____ be happy and peaceful.” Next, think of someone you know casually, such as the cashier you see every week, and say to yourself, “May________ be happy and peaceful.” If you want to stretch yourself, choose someone you have a grudge toward or don’t like and ask that they be happy and peaceful, too.

Move on to your next phrase and repeat the exercise.

Start with 3 phrases, and either build to more or switch to another three phrases as you continue your practice.

  • May I be happy and peaceful.
  • May I be safe and protected.
  • May I be healthy and strong.
  • May I have ease of mind and heart.
  • May I be free from suffering.
  • May I be kind to myself.
  • May I trust my goodness.
  • May I love and accept myself just as I am.
  • May I live with ease and good health.
  • And be filled with loving-kindness.

Boredom is Creativity in Disguise

CreativityI’ve got to quit saying “I’m never bored.” I am an only child and feel that I can always find something to do to amuse myself. However, from all the research I’ve read and experiences bear this out, boredom is great for creativity! It’s not something we should try to avoid.

John Cleese (Monty Python fame) said: “We don’t know where we get our ideas from. We do know that we do not get them from our laptops.”  Graham Linehan, an Irish TV comedy writer and director put it this way:  “The creative process requires a period of boredom, of being stuck,” he says. ”

If you are a writer, it feels like an uncomfortable period we mistake for writer’s block, but it’s actually just part one of a long process.

The internet has made it difficult to experience boredom.  We can’t stop following the breadcrumbs of hotlinks, Facebook, twitter, and before long we’ve tweeted up half our work day. This is a form of idleness and, believe it or not, not always a bad thing. But you need to make the conscious effort to put boundaries around this for yourself. Though it gets a bad wrap, the internet can be a plethura of ideas and inspiration as long as it’s used in moderation.

I think you will agree, that surfing the web is not the same kind of idleness as taking a walk or engaging in hobbies you really like. The kind of experience where time goes by before you know it. However you choose to do it, being idle is one of our most important activities in life. Give yourself permission to do this even though it isn’t the popular thing to do.

You see, the brain, like an airplane, can switch to “autopilot’ when we relinquish manual control. The autopilot knows where you really want to go and what you really want to do. The only way to find out what your autopilot knows is to stop flying the plane and let your autopilot guide you.

When the poem shows up or a great idea to solve a problem, you’ll know who to thank. Boredom is just creativity in disguise!

For more great free resources visit the website HERE.

Your Personal Fuel Crisis

fulfilledYou have the best intentions to take good care of yourself. You exercise, drop sugary foods from your menu choice try to sleep enough, get your nails done, etc. It can be overwhelming!

I’m defining fuel as anything that you do to sustain yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Things that fuel you feel right and good. If getting your nails done feels like a chore, it’s not fueling you!

We recognize the cliché of “running on empty”. But do you know what really fuels you?

Try This Exercise to Find Out…

Your To Do List and your To Not Do List

Try this out for a week. Take your To Do List and circle the items that are priorities. Underline the things on your list you will say NO to if it interferes with taking care of yourself and/or drains your energy.

For example, does checking your email after 4 p.m. make you feel better or worse? Do you really need to know what people want from you at 4 p.m.? Or could it wait until tomorrow morning when you have more energy?

Are there activities on your To-Do list that drain you? If you have to do them, at least choose a time of day when you are likely to breeze through the task. Delegate what you can.

As Warren Buffet says, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”  We can aim to put more things on our No list. If you do this right, you should free up some of your time.

Choose self-care that makes sense for you and schedule it. That way, you’re busy and you have to say “No” to other things.

Maybe you feel energized when you take a walk in the woods or play with the cat. You may release stress when you play with the kids or snuggle with your special loved one. Working on hobbies, watching a movie, playing or just chilling out has a way of making us feel better.

Action Step: What is one thing you can say “No” to today and what is one thing you can put into your day that will fuel your mind, body, and spirit?

Think about things like fun, contemplation time, physical activity, sleep, and social connection. These kinds of activities are the fuel for your focus and productivity during the day which will allow you to leave work knowing you spent your time well.

For more great free resources visit the website HERE.

Zentangle Your Way to Mindfulness

Just like any other bad habit or addiction, it’s important to find something to replace the behaviors that tie you to the dreaded outcome on the scale when you over eat. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. It could be stress, emotional eating, or boredom. If you’ve made food a “go-to” for comfort and/or joy, it’s time to insert something else into your life.

You can find a multitude of things to do to replace food when you are using it as a crutch and aren’t sure what to do with your time or emotions. I’ll just share one with you in this article.

I recently discovered an art form called Zentangle that promotes mindfulness, and it’s very easy to learn and do. What the heck is this?

It’s a relaxing way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It’s kind of a fancy form of doodling. Anyone can use it to create beautiful images. The photo shown here is a board done by a group of women who each did one “tangle” at a Zentangle workshop and then compiled a board or “Zentangle” with all of them on it.

All you need to Zentangle is a square of paper, a .01 graphic pen, and a tortillian pencil. That’s it. It’s very inexpensive. You can put it in your purse or even in the pockets of your clothes. You can take it anywhere and it works extremely well to calm you down and take your mind off of food and whatever is bothering you. Primary school teachers even use this tool to get their students focused and ready to learn new subject matter when they are anxious or restless, and it works like a charm!

What are the benefits to doing Zentangle? It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal wellbeing, and helps to combat boredom and frustration and calm the mind. If you want to learn more about Zentangle, you can go to this site and check it out https://www.zentangle.com/.

Healing the Hand That Feeds You

You’ve heard the phrase, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Right? Are you following your own advice?

If eating is the only thing you do fast and quick during the day, this may be part of the reason you are gaining (or just not losing weight).  I can hear you telling me the reasons: “I have limited time.”, “I’m always on the run.”, or “It’s a habit.” I get it.

But, the consequences are not feeling full, which means eating more, poor digestion, and eating too much because your stomach doesn’t have time to send the “time out” signal to your brain, and you don’t enjoy your food – food which hundreds of people have worked hard to deliver to your table.

Can you see the value in tasting your food? Can you remember the feeling of being full when you didn’t eat in a hurry?

And, if you are using food to cope with emotions and / or memories, then you are abusing both your body and the food.

So pretend there’s a speed bump up ahead. You would slow down wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want to drive full speed ahead and bounce yourself senseless (although we’ve all done that when we were not planning for a speed bump to be there). And, if you kept driving full force over the speed bump? Just saying.

Here’s the “how-to-avoid-bouncing-over-a-speed-bump” type of eating:

First, realize you do not have anywhere to rush to and you are aware of the upcoming speed bump.

Week 1: From now on when you eat, consciously take small bites. No stuffing your face. Eat as much as you want but take small bites. It’s okay to have leftovers for snack time later.

Week 2: Keep taking small bites and chew these bites longer than you usually do. Try for 15-20 times a bite. Make a game out of it. Challenge yourself. Whatever it takes. Slow down and chew. Eat as much as you want but do this.  Please schedule a few extra minutes for meal time than you usually would.

Week 3: Yummmmmy. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing your food, really savor the taste of each bite. With each bite, determine if it is mostly sweet, sour, salty, or bitter.  When we eat fast, we swallow without tasting. Now that you’re taking small bites and chewing longer, you will have a different experience from the simple act of eating. It’s magnificent. You may find that your favorite foods don’t taste as good as you thought they did. It was habit to eat them but not to taste them.

Week 4: You may be doing this already, but, if you’re not, make a conscious effort to swallow before taking the next bite. Conscious is the key word here. A pause. Like talking and having a period at the end of your sentence. You don’t quit talking but you can hear the pause. Now, taste the pause of eating.

Week 5:  Now that you’re pausing between bites, take more sips of a no-calorie beverage. Drink your beverage the same way. Sips, not gulps. Enjoy the taste or refreshing feeling of the beverage.

Week 6: This is the book-end to your meal. At the beginning, rate or become aware of how hungry you feel. Give it a name: ravenous, mildly hungry, etc.  About mid-way through your meal, raise your awareness of how your hunger is changing. At the end of the meal rate your hunger again. It’s part of the eating experience most people overlook. Like a wave, hunger rises and falls during the day. Wait for hunger to rise rather than eating by the clock, if you must. Get to know your rhythms. What times does your hunger show up? Go away?

**If you find it challenging to answer these questions and think you may need help, my free teleseminar may help you get to the root of things and get your answers. You can check it out here http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

How to Use Your Closet to Feel Good

It’s getting to be summerish, don’t you think?  As you transition from one season to the next, you may want to consider the color choices in your closet.  Dark colors are fine but if we wear them all the time, it may negatively influence how we feel. People who are experts in Chi / energy tell us that choosing to wear dark clothing can influence whether we are optimistic or pessimistic, happy or depressed.

That’s enough for me to think about wearing lighter, softer colors more often.  Experts in the subject also tell us that wearing the same colors consistently can keep us stuck while wearing a variety of colors can move us forward or even elevate our Chi / mood.

So, what does this have to do with your closet making you happy?

Your probably already know what colors invite compliments when you wear them. It may not be your favorite color but something about that color speaks to others in a good way. Think about the clothes that make you feel good when wearing them. Are they comfortable? Pretty? Make a statement? Make you feel like your authentic self. You may think, “This is so me!”.  Now is the time to move those clothes to the front of your closet, so those are the pieces you wear the most.

I’d even go so far as to say you should get rid of anything in your closet that doesn’t feel just as good wearing it. Most of us have way too much in our closet anyway and will realistically never wear half of what we have in there. It feels so much better to open the door to a closet with lots of space that’s easy to navigate and has ALL of our favorite items in it.

Have you noticed there are lots of floral designs this season? From sundresses to evening gowns, I see flowers. And I LOVE them. I was taught not to wear flowers because they make you look “as big as a house.” But, that was a long time ago. Times have changed, and we are learning to be more comfortable with who we are and what we like. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matters that you are happy and feel good about yourself. Flowers of all sizes communicate freshness, energy, beauty, nature and just make you feel good. Hummm…I think it’s time to go shopping!

Face Your Feelings to Avoid Catastrophe – It’s Going to Show Up Somehow

I’m going to share something very simple with you in this month’s article, but it’s something that’s not always easy. It’s a basic fact of life that every human being has emotions. It’s also a fact that we all have to work through our own personal struggles in life. They vary greatly and every person has a different threshold for what they can handle, but we all feel and we all hurt in our ways.

Even if you don’t realize it, you’ve been through trauma in your life. You could have experienced minor trauma or major trauma. When we experience trauma, we experience negative emotions that can sometimes greatly impact our lives. How do you respond to negative feelings? Do you freeze and do nothing, suppress them, find ways to get even, get angry? I hope not because these are negative ways of dealing with your feelings. They can lead to unhappiness, bad habits, more negative feelings and even addictions.  If Ignored, emotions will build up and, just like lava under the Earth, they will bubble up to the surface and come out from under one way or another.

Please give yourself permission to feel. It’s the best part of who we are…the part that makes us good. The correct way to handle your feelings is to work through them. You do this by acknowledging how you feel and allowing yourself to feel that way. In the society we live in today, we think we don’t have time to feel. But we need to slow down and just be. If you want to cry, stop and cry. If you need to scream, go somewhere private and scream your head off. If you’re happy or proud of an accomplishment, take a moment to celebrate how you feel. You deserve it!

There are countless ways to connect with your emotions and release anything that’s weighing you down. Here are just a few.

  • Try meditation. Get quiet and breathe deeply for a while. Focus on your breath and pay attention to what you immediately think and feel.
  • Use a journal to write down how you’re feeling. Often, people realize more about how they’re feeling when they write it down. And, it’s a great way to release what’s bothering you by leaving it on the paper you wrote it on.
  • Move your body. Ride your bike, jog, swim, dance. Allow yourself the physical release.

Remember, when we were kids and we didn’t have a bunch of baggage and negative emotions weighing us down? You can feel like that again if you simply give yourself permission to feel and release. So, like Nike says, “Just do it!”

I have a fantastic free Therapeutic writing course that could be a great fit for you if you want to try journaling. Those who have tried it have had great results. You could sign up for it here http://themuseskiss.com/.

If you need more one-on-one support with this, you can call me to learn more about how to get support at 601-684-9657 or e-mail me at DrB@patriciabrawley.com.

7 Ways to Succeed Using Meditation

It is no secret that meditation can reduce stress, decrease anxiety and depression, increase attention span and warm up your heart with compassion for yourself and others.

Research has proven that regular meditation can change the physical structure of the brain and some findings indicate that the brain works better at cognitive functions such as processing information and forming memories.

You do not have to be Buddhist to meditate. Western civilization has “borrowed” their practice to use in secular settings. You can even find apps to prompt you to look inward. Turns out meditation is not only good for your mind but also for your health, including your weight.

So, why aren’t more people meditating? Well, they are. But, you can understand that it requires regular practice. In other words, you can’t eat a good meal only one time and expect to never have to eat again. There are many programs, YouTube videos, books, and articles that give instructions. Some are 30-75 minutes and that is ideal, but starting out? Start with 10 minutes a day for a week and go from there.

Week 1: Choose what you like.

Do you want lit candles or not. Music or not?  Vipassana or Mindfulness, prayer or mantra? Don’t get caught up in the choices.  These are window dressings for the work you will do but it does help solidify a habit to have the same items in your environment each time you meditate. Mostly, you want something to put you in a meditative state. You can always experiment to see what works for you.

I like incense but it’s not necessary. I like silence but I also like to have natural sounds, such as birds.

2.) Keep at it until you develop a habit.

We are creatures of habit so try to keep familiarity and sameness in the beginning.  For example, using the same time, same cushion, and same quiet spot will build a response from mind – a cue that this is good. You will set up a mental signal that it is time to turn inward.  Understand life goes on and will go on after your meditation time. Don’t get stuck in the idea that everything has  to be perfect for you to start or that you have to be in a particular place to meditate. Heck, even minutes in a parked car waiting to pick up kids can be as good a place as a monastery.

3.) Allow Patience to Develop

So, you go to your favorite spot, at your designated time, sit on your blanket or cushion, back against a wall for support, and close your eyes and wait for your mind to settle into focusing on your breath. Thoughts interrupt this concentration seemingly at every breath. You start over. You know they will come again and you plan to let them float by like a cloud in the sky while you go back to focusing on the breath. At the end of the session, you feel relaxed, like the sky has cleared.

Tomorrow you repeat the process. The clouds/thoughts seem to clog up and every time you start over, determined to focus on your breath, the clouds of thoughts seem to gather more and more. At the end of your time, it seems nothing happened. But, it did. Every session is different.

Come again tomorrow and the next. Witness what happens as the days go by. Some days will bring more success and other days just a time of noticing how much you are worrying or planning. That, too, is useful information. Where does your mind hang out when you’re not looking? Meditation gives you a peek into that constant undercurrent of thought that drives how you feel, your health, and even what decisions you make.

Meditation is like going for a workout at the gym. It’s tough to show up every day with enthusiasm, particularly if you can’t measure desired results instantly. What would a personal trainer tell you to do? Stay home? I think not. Sitting for meditation is another kind of training and you can more easily stay with it in order to get better at turning inward. Also understand you may not resolve problems or feelings that come up for you while meditating. Just feel them and know that relief from pain or a solution to a problem will come in time.

If you want to write, what is the best advice? Sit in the chair and write. Same here, show up and give effort even if you think it should produce calmness and all you experience is pain. Perhaps you can try a different technique but commit to showing up. Develop patience toward yourself and your mind.

4.) Look for happiness.

Do you think meditation is part of reason you feel more joyful? Your personality and habits didn’t change but I wonder if you will continue meditating anyway. Small joys grow into bigger ones. If f you skip a day, don’t be surprised if you feel an urge to return to your meditation space.

5.) Take your seat.

You do not have to sit cross-legged on the floor. Feel free to sit in a chair. The only rule about sitting is that your back should be upright, straight to allow the breath and energy to flow freely. After you’ve chosen a seat, place your hands on your knees, palms up or down, and the thumb and forefinger touching. This completes an energetic circuit.

6.) Taking breaths.

Breath awareness is a good start. Do a single practice daily until it becomes a habit. Inhale with awareness. Can you feel the air coming into your nostrils? Can you sense the lungs filling with breath? Close your eyes and exhale, releasing any tension, bringing your attention to the breath leaving your body.

Breathe naturally in your normal rhythm.  When thoughts arise, note them with awareness acknowledging their sense, such as “thinking” “planning’ “story-telling’ ‘listening” etc. Always bring your attention back to breathing. It’s okay, but not necessary,  to visualize breath as a color or particles of energy entering and healing the body.

7. Ending meditation.

To end meditation, take a deep breath and exhale gently. Notice how your body feels. What about your mind? Do you feel more energetic? Peaceful?

Write a few words in your journal about what you remembered from this meditation.

**If you don’t have a lot of experience meditating, sign up for my great free call Lose Weight for Life where we incorporate meditation into the lesson in the call. You’ll be amazed how easy it is and it applies to all areas of life, not just weight loss. http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.

You may be suffering from trauma and not even know it

LAYERCAKEI’m going to talk about this in terms of weight loss, but I think there’s a lesson here connected with all of our behaviors. When you reach for that next bite of whatever is calling to you, is it real hunger you feel or are you getting emotional comfort from that food?

If you are, it’s not your fault! Whether you realize it or not, you’ve suffered some type of trauma in your lifetime. Whether it was something small like falling down and scraping your knee or big like being physically or emotionally abused, we’ve all been through stuff. We are often comforted with food even as little babies. Our parents would give us a bottle to comfort us.

We celebrate with food in good times, use food as a source of energy, and use food to console us in bad times. So, the next time you reach for something yummy, ask yourself why you want that food and what other times you eat that food. Do you always grab the chocolate after a long day at work?

If you want to learn how you can recognize trauma and change your behavior (no matter if it’s food that’s your vice or a different behavior), sign up here for my free 30-minute call on How to Lose Weight for Life http://themuseskiss.com/loseweightforlifecall/.